南山松

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周末一笑: 没问题 (转载)

(2015-10-16 16:53:48) 下一个

1 没问题

A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop.

"How can I help you?" asked the stylist. "I went for a hair transplant," the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the pain.

If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000."

"No problem," said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head.

一个秃头的男人坐在理发店里。

发型师问：“有什么可以帮你吗？”那个人解释说：“我本来要去做头发移植，但实在太疼了。

如果你能够让我的头发看起来像你的一样，而且没有任何痛苦，我将付给你5000美元。”

“没问题，”发型师说，然后他很快帮自己剃了个光头。

2 我妈妈不是那样子的

While doing renovations in our house, one of the workmen paused to look at a flattering photo of me wearing makeup and a fancy gown.

I heard him let out a low whistle and ask my son, Joshua,”Who's that? ““That's my mom,”Joshua answered.

“Wow,”the man said, “My mother doesn't look like that.”“Yeah,”my son said, “well, neither does mine. “

在给我们家房子做翻新的时候，一个工人停下手中的活来看我的一张盛装照片，照片中的我化了妆，穿着名贵的晚礼服。

我听到他小声地吹了一声口哨，然后问我的儿子Joshua，“那人是谁？”“那是我妈”，Joshua回答。

“哇”，那男人说，“我妈可不是这样子的”。“可不”，我儿子说，“呃，我妈也不是那样子的。”

3 谁都没空

I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me that I had left the light on in the shed. She could see from the bedroom window.

As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned the police, but they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available.

I said OK, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've shot them all."

Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" I replied with "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

那天晚上，我刚要上床睡觉，妻子告诉我说我没有关储藏室的灯，她从卧室的窗户看见那还亮着。

我也透过窗户朝那边看，发现有几个人正在偷东西。我赶忙报警，但是警察局说现在没有警察在我家的这片位置，他们一有了人手就马上派过来。

我说没问题，然后挂了电话，等了一分钟，又给他们打过去：“警察局吗，一分钟以前我打过电话来，我告诉你说有人正在我家的储藏室偷东西。但是现在没事了，因为我刚刚开枪把他们都打死了。”

随后，五分钟之内有六辆警车来到了我家，警报也响了。当然，他们当场抓住了窃贼。有个警察对我说：“我记得你说你把他们都打死了。”我回答道：“我记得你说现在谁都没空。”

4 在天堂结婚

A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died.

Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer.

Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven.

The young lady then asks St. Peter, “If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?" St.Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"

一对年轻的夫妇在去结婚的路上出了车祸，双双死去了。

于是，他们来到了圣徒彼得面前，妻子问是否她还可以和丈夫结婚，圣徒彼得告诉他们，关于这个问题他一有了结果就会回来找他们。

差不多30天以后，圣徒彼得回来了，并且告诉他们可以在天堂结婚。

妻子又问：“如果生活的不愉快，我们可不可以离婚呢？”圣徒彼得看着她，回答说：“夫人，我花了30天才找到个传教士，难道你真的希望我再去找个律师吗？”

5 智力缺陷

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked ..."how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied.

"You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." " Well, What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them.

Which one?' Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

“医生，你能不能告诉我，”鲍勃问，“对于一个看上去很正常的人，你是怎样判断出他有智力缺陷的呢？”“再没有比这容易的了，”医生回答，

“问他一个简单的问题，简单到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要问什么样的问题呢？”

“嗯，你可以这样问，‘库克船长环球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，

是哪一次呢？’”鲍勃想了一会儿，紧张的回答道，“你就不能问另外一个问题吗？坦率地说，我对历史了解的不是很多。”

6 现代骑士精神

Sitting in his cab waiting for a fare, my friend's husband, William,watched as a torrential downpour left lake-size puddles just off the curb of the busy street.

Then the back door opened and a customer got in.

As William asked the destination, the would-be passenger exited through the other door, successfully avoiding the puddles.

“Thanks,” she said. “Chivalry isn't dead after all.”

我朋友的丈夫William（是一名出租车司机），此时正坐在车里等着一名顾客付钱，同时，看着倾盆而下的大雨在那条忙碌的街道边上留下一些犹如湖一般大小的水洼。

这时，车的后座门开了，一位顾客钻了进来。

当William问她要到哪时，这名准乘客从车的另一扇门下去了，成功地躲开了那些水洼。

“谢谢”，女乘客说。“看来骑士精神毕竟还没有死”。

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