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1 做好事
On a street near my workplace, I noticed a meter maid happily writing tickets for a whole line of cars parked at expired meters. As she deposited $10 tickets on one windshield after another, I felt called to do a good deed. I deposited a quarter in the last meter in the row, thus saving a fellow driver the price of a ticket.
Feeling rather pleased with myself, I headed for my office. I couldn't resist turning back in hopes of seeing the meter maid's reaction when she saw that the red flag was no longer showing on that meter. When she reached the last car in the line, she reached into her purse, pulled out her keys, got into the car I had "rescued" and drove away.
一次，在我工作地点附近的一条街上，我看到一个检查路旁计时器的小姐高兴地给一排汽车逐辆地开着超时罚款单。当她一张接一张地往汽车雨刷下的玻璃上塞罚单时，我觉得这时该我做点好事了。于是，我往这一排最后一台自动计时器里扔了25美分。这样，这辆汽车的司机就可以省下罚款钱了。
我为自己的行为感到特别高兴，开始往工作的地点走，一边走一边禁不住地想回头看。看看当那位检查小姐见不到这个计时器上的红旗时会有什么反应。终于，那位小姐来到了最后一辆车前。她伸手在她的提包里翻，翻出了一串钥匙，用其中的一把打开了车门，钻进了我“搭救”的那辆车，开走了。
2 侦探狗
As I waited for my luggage at Atlanta's international airport, I noticed a government agent with a dog sniffing for illegal drugs among the crowd of arriving passengers. A woman next to me also saw the animal at work and noted that it was of mixed breed with long shaggy fur. “I thought those police dogs were supposed to be German shepherds," she said.
Overhearing her comment, the agent replied, “He is, but he's working undercover.”
在亚特兰大国际机场等行李时，我注意到一名政府官员带着一条狗。那条狗对所有到来的旅客的物品嗅来嗅去，以防止毒品入境。站在我旁边的妇女也注意到了这条在工作的狗是一条长毛的杂种狗.她说:“我觉得警犬应该是德国牧羊犬。”
那名政府官员听到了这句话，回答说:“它确实是牧羊犬，但是它在做秘密工作.”
3 有备于侃价
Every year, our family holds a rummage sale. I have to justify my pricing system to my husband by explaining that no matter how low you mark an item, someone will always want to buy it for less.
At our last sale, one customer proved my point. She approached me, carrying an item that she mistakenly believed was priced at one dollar. "Would you take 75 cents for this?" she asked.
"Sure," I replied, ”but it's only marked a quarter.”
"Oh," she responded. "Then would you take a dime?"
每年，我家都要有一次弃物甩卖。我总是要给我丈夫讲授着我的价格观—不管你把价钱标得多低，有些人总是想再少付一点儿。
我们最近的一个甩卖，一个顾客证实了我的观点。这位顾客拿着一件东西朝我走来，她错误地以为这件东西的标价是一美元，说:“我出75分行吗?”
“当然可以，”我答道:“实际上它的标价是25美分。”
她反应还挺快:“那我出10美分吧。”
3 龙虾的“故事”
My friend, celebrating a special occasion, went to a restaurant and ordered what she thought would be a lobster tail. But to her dismay, the entire crustacean was on her plate.
"He's looking right at me!” she exclaimed to the waiter. "I just can't eat him.’
The waiter removed her plate, but returned it a few moments later. The lobster now had a blindfold neatly tied around its eyes.
为了庆祝一个特殊的日子，我的朋友来到了一家饭店要了一个她认为是龙虾尾的菜。然而让她不安的是，在她面前盘子里盛着一整只大龙虾。
“它在盯着我，”她向服务员解释说:“我可害怕吃这家伙。”
服务员把龙虾端了下去，过了一会儿又把它拿了回来，只见那盘子里的龙虾的眼睛上戴上了一副眼罩。
4 赶时髦
At the bank where I was employed as a teller we were not allowed to eat while working. But one day, five months pregnant, I was ravenous. I opened a bag of potato chips and started to devour them. Just then I spotted one of our best customers and his wife heading my way. Quickly, I wiped my mouth and greeted them. As I processed their transaction , I noticed they were looking at me oddly.
On their way out, the man said, “I don't understand these young people.”
"Dear, that's a fashion statement, ”his wife explained. "It's a new type of brooch.”
I looked down to see what could have caused such controversy. To my horror, a large potato chip was resting neatly on my left shoulder.
在银行我做出纳员，这里规定工作时不许吃东西。但有一天，我因怀孕五个月有点嘴馋，打开了一包土豆片，开始偷吃起来。这时，我看见一个熟悉的顾客和他的妻子朝我的窗口走来。我匆忙地擦了一下嘴，向他们打了个招呼。当我在给他们办理业务时，我注意到他们一直用一种异样的目光看着我。
在他们往外走的路上，那个男的说:“我真搞不懂这些年轻人。’，
“亲爱的，那是新潮。”他的妻子说;“那是一种新型的胸针饰物。”
我低头上下打量了一下我自己，想找到是什么东西引起了他们这样说我。使我大吃一惊的是，一大块土豆片稳稳当当地落在我的左肩上。
5 太敏感
Several years had passed since I worked for the federal government, but old habits died hard. A cable-television technician had just finished hooking up our service at home and told me he needed the 2185. I hadn't heard about this form before arid asked him，" Where can I get that form'2185'"?
Looking at me peculiarly, he replied."Ma'am, it's money.$21.85. "
我从联邦政府退下来已经好几年了，但有些习惯却很难改掉。一个有线电视的技术工人给我家连接完天线后，对我说他要2185。我以前从没听见这个代号，便问:“我到哪儿能领到这种表格?”
那位工人吃惊地望了我一会儿，说:“夫人，那是钱，21块8毛5。”
6 只能一辆!
After retirement, our friends Jim and Evelyn began traveling around the United States in a motor home, towing their compact sedan behind. While driving through a shopping mall parking lot in New York, they were pleased when a motorist stopped his vehicle and signaled them through.
Seconds later, they were jolted to a stop by a loud crash behind them. To their amazement, the polite motorist had demolished their car.
His explanation: "I didn't mind letting you nice folks by, but I didn't want that compact car to sneak through too."
我的朋友吉姆和依娃林退休后，开始用他们的家庭式旅行车进行环美旅行。他们在旅行车后面还施着一辆小桥车备用。在经过纽约一家商店的停车场时，一个骑摩托的小伙子很礼貌地停下来示意让他们先过。这令他们很高兴。
几秒钟后，就听后边咔的一声巨响，他们停了车一看，那个小伙于把他们的小桥车给撞了。
他的解释是这样的:“我不介意让你们这对好人通过，但我不想让那辆小轿车也跟着溜过去。”
哈哈, 雪花好! 肩负特殊任务的小狗, 享受特殊待遇的龙虾~
雪花, 周日快乐!
fengdaming好! 哈哈, 带着眼罩的龙虾, 可爱又好笑~~~
fengdaming, 周末快乐!
问好点点! 是啊, 这位做好事的, 却是白做了:) 估计警犬找牧羊犬除了他们的灵活等能力, 也是看上了它们的威慑力量了吧~
点点, 周末快乐!
哈哈, 尼斯非常了解唤唤的哥哥们:)
尼斯, 周末快乐!
哈哈, 八成是唤唤的二哥吧~~~
小小, 周末快乐!
松松周末愉快：））
嗯, 橄榄树好! 那个侍者还是挺有办法的~
橄榄树, 周末快乐!
问好美眉! 看来还是前面几个笑话更受欢迎:)
美眉, 周末快乐!
菲儿好! 哈哈, 是啊, 化了妆的侦探狗~~~
菲儿, 周末快乐!
erdong好! 周末快乐!
问好水沫, 我也喜欢那三个:)
水沫, 周末快乐!