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周末一笑: 看法不同(转载)

(2015-07-10 14:51:14) 下一个

1 看法不同

After my husband, John, and I moved to Michigan from Nebraska, our new friends, proud of their beautiful tree lined roads, teased us about the Mid-west's dull, flat, treeless land. When my parents, Nebraska farmers, visited us, I asked them about their trip.
"What a boring drive, "my father replied. "Once you get to Michigan, there's nothing to see but trees."

我和丈夫约翰从内布拉斯加搬到密西根后, 我们新认识的朋友们总为他们美丽的林荫大道引以为荣.他们嘲讽我们的中西部平原荒凉、贫瘠, 连株枯树都没有。后来我父母从内布拉斯加的老家来看我们, 我问他们对旅途的感受。

我父亲抱怨着:“枯燥, 乏味, 一进入密西根, 除了树什么都没有。”

2 不必再看眼科医生了

It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged, the more I procrastinated. Finally, she made an appointment for me.
The day before I was to see the doctor, I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked good to me.
"That does it,” she said. “I'm canceling your appointment."

我己经很多年没做眼睛检查了。我妻子总是催我去挂个号。她越是督我, 我越是耽搁不去。最后, 她替我挂了个号。

在我去见医生的前一天, 我的情绪特别好。我对妻于又是亲又是抱, 还说她是我眼里最漂亮的女人。

她说:“这回眼睛没问题了, 那我现在就去把号退了。”

3 存有二心

The local weatherman was wrong in his forecasts so often that he was embarrassed and applied for a transfer, stating as his reason: "The climate here doesn't agree with me."

当地的一名天气预报员多次在预报工作中出现错误。他为此感到很难为情。于是, 他决定换个工作。在陈述其原因时。他说:“这儿的气侯跟我不一条心.”

4 穿错了

I wanted to look especially nice when I walked my son to his first day of kindergarten, so I took the liberty of borrowing an outfit from my younger, more fashionable sister, who was staying with us at the time. We had agreed not to borrow from one another without asking, but she was asleep, so I slipped some shorts and a shirt out of her drawer silently, planning to put them back before she woke up.

To my surprise, she was awake when I got back, but she didn't mention the clothes. We chatted about Jason's introduction to kindergarten. Finally, she smiled and asked coolly, "And how did Jason's teacher like my pajamas?"

在陪儿子上幼儿园的第一天, 我想打扮一下自己。我打算从妹妹那儿借身外衣, 她年径而且时髦。那时妹妹和我们住在一起。我们有约在先, 不经过对方的同意不能拿别人的东西。但那时她仍在睡觉。于是, 我从她的衣拒里轻轻拿走几条短裤和一件村衣, 本想趁她没醒来时再放回去。

让我吃惊的是, 当我送儿子去幼儿园回来后, 妹妹已经醒了。但她没提找衣服的事儿。我们聊了聊儿子吉森在幼儿园做自我介绍的情况。最后, 妹妹笑着并不动声色地问:“吉森的老师觉得我的睡衣怎样?”

5 借口

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. "There is no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100, 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him.

"What in hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "I’ve had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go.”

“Last week my wife ran off with a cop,” The man said "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!”

"Have a nice night,” said the officer.

一个人刚刚买了一辆奔驰车, 准备到州与州之间的公路上来一个夜晚兜风。他来到了最高处, 微风轻轻拂过了他的发梢, 这个人想让自己的爱车大显身手一番。指针指到了80英里/小时, 突然, 他看到了身后有一个闪烁的红蓝灯, “他们根本就别想追上我的奔驰。”他心想, 于是加足了马力。指针指到90,100,110,最后到了120, 可那个灯还在后面闪着。

“我到底在干什么呀!”他突然想到了什么, 马上把车停在了路旁。警察走了过来, 二话没说就拿走了他的驾照, 然后看了看驾照和车说:“我上晚班已很累了, 这是我最后一次叫停车。你要是能给我一个我从来没听过的借口, 说明你为什么开这快车, 我就不再做什么记录了, 你就可以离开。”

“上星期我的妻子和一个警察跑了, ”男的说, “我还以为你追我, 是想把我妻子还给我呢!”

警察说:“过一个愉快的夜晚。”

6 弄巧成拙

One evening my husband's golfing buddy drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.

Later that night my husband's friend and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out of her window he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "Have you seen my other shoe?"

一天晚上, 我丈夫一位打高尔夫球的朋友开车送他的秘书回家。那个秘书是因为在公司的招待会上喝多了点儿, 不能自己驾车回家。这事虽然无可厚非, 但是他还是决定不把这事告诉他那爱吃醋的妻子。

也就在同天晚上, 这位朋友送走秘书后, 又带着妻子驱车去饭店吃晚饭。无意中他看见一只高跟鞋半掩在侧座椅子下。他不想引起怀疑, 趁妻子扭头看窗外的时侯, 掏出了那只鞋, 把它扔出了车外。他大大地松了一口气, 把汽车停在了饭店外的停车场。这时, 他发现他妻子正低头找着什么东西。妻子问:“亲爱的, 你看见我的那只鞋了吗? ”

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