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1 也许这个名字管用 Maybe This Name Works
During the college speech course I taught, I spoke about a Chinese student who, after moving to the United States, decided she wanted an English name to honor her new home. "She chose the name Patience," I told the class, "because she wanted to be reminded to be patient. Every time someone called her name, the message was reinforced." I asked the students what names they would select for themselves. After considering the question, one young man raised his hand and said, "Rich."
我在大学教演讲课程时，我谈到一位中国学生，她在来到美国后想起一个英文名来纪念她的新家。她选择了耐心这个名字，我跟课堂上的学生说，因为她想别人提醒她要有耐心。每一次有人喊她名字的时候，这个信息就会被强调一次。我问我的学生他们想给自己取一个什么样的名字，他们琢磨了一会，一个男生说“发财”。
2 继续开我的卡车 Keep Driving My Truck
With several years of Army National Guard duty under his belt, my roommate applied for officer training. But his lifelong dreams were dashed after he failed the eye exam.
"That's too bad," I sympathized. "Does that mean you now have to quit the Guard entirely?"
"No, I get to keep my old job," he said. "Driving trucks."
依仗着在陆军国家护卫队服役的几年经验，我的室友提交了参加军官培训的申请。但他的毕生梦想在视力检测未通过后破灭。
“太糟了”，我同情地说。“这是不是意味着你完全不能再在护卫队工作了？”
“这倒不是，我还是干我的原来的工作”，他说。“开卡车”。
3 我输了 I Lost
It was at a five o’clock tea. A young man came to the hostess to apologize for his lateness．
“So good of you to come, Mr. Jones, and where is your brother？”
“You see we're very busy in the office and only one of us could comeso we tossed up for it.”
“How nice! And so original， too！ And you won？”
“No,” said the young man absently, “I lost.”
五点钟的一个下午茶，一个年轻人因为迟到向主人致歉。
“您能来可真好，琼斯先生，您的兄弟呢？”
“您知道我们在办公室里有非常忙，我们俩只能来一个，所以就掷币来决定由谁来。”
“太有意思了！还那么有独创性！那您赢了？”
“不，”年轻人心不在焉地说, “我输了。”
4 我还赢着呢 I'm still winning
There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine. Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change. She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up. "Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?" She looked at him and indignantly replied: "Well Duhhh! I'm still winning."
有一个年轻漂亮的金发女郎恰好在一个商人到达自动售水机来解渴之前先到了那里。她打开她的钱包，放入机器50美分，研究了一下机器，按了健怡可乐选择，取代她放入的钱一瓶健怡可乐掉了出来。然后她在她的钱包再次掏出一块钱并将其插入到机器中。认真研究了一下机器，她按下可口可乐的按钮，一瓶可口可乐和50美分的找钱掉了出来。她立即拿出50美分放入机器，研究了一会儿，按下了激浪按钮。一瓶激浪掉了出来。当她又把手伸进钱包，已耐心等待了好几分钟的商人现在开口了。 “对不起小姐，你完了没有？”她看着他，愤怒地说：“嗨！我还赢着呢。”
5 我可以站在任何一方 I'll Take either Side
A lawyer was walking down the street and saw an auto accident. He rushed over, started handing out business cards, and said, "I saw the whole thing. I'll take either side."
一个律师走在街上时看到了一场车祸。他冲了过来，开始分发名片，并说：“我看到了整个事情，我可以为任何一方辩护。”
6 额外的分数 Extra Points
After some years of medical practice, a gynecologist decided it is time for a career change, and so enrolled in a course on auto mechanics. The final exam, which was worth 200 points, consisted of disassembling and reassembling an engine. The doctor passed the test with a score of 300. Puzzled by this, the doctor asked the instructor for an explanation. The instructor said, "Well, you're quite an outstanding student. I gave you 100 points for correctly disassembling the engine and 100 points for correctly reassembling it, and I gave you an extra 100 points for doing it all through the exhaust pipe."
若干年后的医疗工作后，妇科医生决定是时候转行了，于是报名参加了一门汽车修理的课程。期末考试满分200分，包括拆卸和重新组装发动机。这位医生通过测试并得到了300分。带着不解医生请求老师解释。教官说：“嗯，你是一个相当优秀的学生，100分是正确拆卸发动机，100分是重组它，我给你一个额外的100分，是你在排气管里完成了这一切。”
(from internet)
雪花好！
祝雪花新周开心快乐!
canhe好！
祝canhe天天快乐！
问好fengdaming! #3很有意思,原来他们对下午茶不感兴趣：）
fengdaming，新周快乐!
娃娃乐好! 特别有个性的名字还真是不容易让人忘:)
娃娃乐,周末快乐!
问好家MM:)
祝天天开心快乐!
橄榄树好! 周末快乐!
哈哈,幸福的圆圆,好吃的太多了~~~
纽约美眉穿旧T-shirt也高雅，胸前的油渍是画油画时沾上滴。不像我，胸前的油渍是啃猪脚时沾上滴。。。
点点好! 司机开车有问题可真是个隐患啊.
点点,周末快乐!
嗯,其实我也觉得够吃够住就好.钱是身外之物,生带不来,死带不去的:)
可还是觉得发财挺好,哈哈哈~~~
我很少查看悄悄话的，谢谢指正！改过来了。
人缺什么就想什么，就写什么。不指望财源滚滚，够吃够住就好。。。
谢谢小松的祝福！
哈哈,圓圓,我家沙发多,赶快再给你和纽约美眉搬几个来:)
圓圓,周末快乐!
小小好! 要不你也注册一个发财什么的马甲~~~
律师口才好,有才就能赢啊:)
小小,周末快乐!
我不仅矮谈窄论，还穿个旧T-shirt，胸前还有一块大油渍。
哈哈,纽约美眉好! 希望你的马甲注册成功~~~
早就读了你的"私房钱"还给你发了一个QQH,不过你好像一直就没读.若新的马甲继续让你财源滚滚的话,你的私房钱岂不是要多得放不下了~~~
纽约美眉,周末快乐!
看来律师只要有钱就能把黑说成白，打官司没有赢家，除了律师！
谢谢松松分享，周末快乐！
你，你占了俺的沙发，竟还东倒西歪？
看来你对考试胸有成竿啦。白替你担心。。。。
还是在小松MM这里好。前两天，我在楼下花教主家被冤枉。。。。不过现在雨过天晴啦。。。。
赶快给沙发上的花生妹妹上茶:)
花生妹妹,周末快乐!