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周末一笑：丈夫对妻子的描述

(2014-11-15 04:35:59) 下一个

1 丈夫对妻子的描述 Husband’s Description of His Wife

Wife: "How would you describe me?"

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

Wife: "What does that mean?"

Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

妻子：“你怎么形容我呢？”

丈夫：“ABCDEFGHIJK”。

妻子说：“这是什么意思？”

丈夫：“可爱，漂亮，乖巧，清新脱俗，优雅，时尚，华丽，又性感。”

妻子说：“哦，谢谢你，那IJK是什么意思呢？”

丈夫：“我只是在开玩笑！”

2 一个好办法 An Ingenious Idea

A man told the doctor that his wife had lost her voice and asked what he could do about it.

The doctor said, “Try getting home late some night. It’s good method.”

有个人对医生说他的妻子不说话了,问他该怎么办。

医生说:“你试试哪天晚上很晚才回家吧。这是个好办法。”

3 酬薪问题 About Salary

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks’ vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

在面试快要结束时，人力资源部官员问一个年轻的刚从麻省理工学院毕业的工程师，“你希望起薪是多少？”工程师回答说：“根据福利每年$125,000美元。”面试官询问，“好，一年五个星期的假期，14个带薪假期，全部医疗和牙科，公司配套的50％的工资的退休基金，而每两年租赁公司的红色的克尔维特汽车，你怎么说？”工程师坐直身子说：“哇！你在开玩笑吧？”面试官回答说：“是啊，但是你先开始的。”

4 独特的考试形式 A Unique Examination

A professor was known for being a generous marker. The grades he gave for one of his courses were based solely on two exams，and the stuff on the exams was covered entirely in the textbook. As word of the course spread，each term there was a large group of students who turned up infrequently，or not at all，just showing up for the exams. Finally, it got so bad that one term，about half of the students never turned up at all until the exams. On the day of first exam，the students sat down and a graduate assistant handed out the papers， explaining，"The professor is ill，so I’II be taking the exams.”When they opened the booklet，the students discovered just one question. It listed twenty grainy staff photos，and the instructions read，"Circle the picture of the professor who teaches this course.”

州立教授给学生判分是有名的好好先生，他每门课的成绩只根据两次考试的结果，而考试内容全在课本里。由于这样的名声在外，每学期都有一大批学生不怎么来上课，或者根本不来上课只有考试的时候才露下面。有一学期，差不多有一半的学生直到考试连一堂课都没来听过。考第一场那天，学生们坐在那儿，一位助教发了卷子并解释说:“教授病了，我来监考。”打开卷子，只有一道题。题目列出了20幅教师的照片，要求是，在教这门课的教授的照片上划圈。

5 走私犯A Smuggler

The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.

"What's in here?" he asked.

"Dirt," the driver replied.

"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."

Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.

A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.

"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.

"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.

Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.

The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender. Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time."

Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars."

一个形迹可疑的人开车来到边境，哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在检查汽车行李箱时，惊奇地发现了六个接缝处鼓得紧绷绷的大口袋。

　　“里面装的是什么？”他问道。

　　“土。”司机回答。

　　“把袋子拿出来”，哨兵命令道：“我要检查。”

　　那人顺从地把口袋搬了出来。确实，口袋里除了土以外，别无他特。哨兵很不情愿地让他通过了。

　　一周后，那人又来了，哨兵再次检查汽车上的行李箱。

　　“这次袋子里装的是什么？”他问道。

　　“土，又运了一些土。”那人回答。

　　哨兵不相信，对那些袋子又进行了检查，结果发现，除了土以外，仍旧一无所获。

　　同样的事情每周重演一次，一共持续了六个月。最后，哨兵被弄得灰心丧气，干脆辞职去当了酒吧侍者。有天夜里，那个形迹可疑的人碰巧途经酒吧，下车喝酒。那位从前的哨兵急忙迎上前去对他说，“我说，老兄，你要是能帮我一个忙，今晚的酒就归我请客。你能不能告诉我，那段时间你到底在走私什么东西？”

　　那人俯身过来，凑近侍者的耳朵，裂开嘴笑嘻嘻地说：“汽车。”

6 零钱不用找了 Keep the Change

Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.

I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill. "Keep the change," he said.

在教堂的义卖市上卖旧书时，我与一名准备买东西的顾客发生了一场争论。他对购买袖珍奥金.纳什集颇感兴趣，但是说它要三十五美分开价过高。其它的平装书每本才卖十或十五美分。

我指出这本书保存状况颇好，纳什是个有趣的诗人，这个要价是合理的。他说这是个原则问题。最终，我同意以十五美分的价格将这本书卖给他。他得意洋洋，拿出一张十美元的票子付帐。“零钱不用找了。”他说。

（from Internet)

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阅读 () ┆ 评论 (37)

南山松 2014-12-08 17:49:31 回复悄悄话回复 'fengdaming' 的评论 :
哈哈,有才,利害!

fengdaming 2014-12-06 12:56:55 回复悄悄话继续往下编：
Wife: "I've never expected you will speak a single word of praise for me. Anyway the next one is L, can your say something about love? don't be so sarcastic !"
Husband: "Love means nothing!"

Wife: " Oh,people quit R said tired! shut up and go to hell! "

Husband:"OMG, Ur Victoria-style Wife.