南山松

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周末一笑：万圣节的笑话

(2014-10-31 16:27:01) 下一个

1 为抄近路走墓地The Cemetery Shortcut

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs。

Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows。

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones。

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

万圣节派对过后，两男人图个乐呵，打算抄近路穿过墓地回家。

走到墓地中央时，他们被从迷雾中传来的“答、答、答”声惊吓到了。　　

　　正当两人害怕得浑身颤抖时，他们看到是个老头拿着铁锤和凿子，在一块墓石上凿着什么。

“哇塞，先生，”其中一人喘了口气说，“你把我们吓得半死啊，我们还以为遇上鬼了呢！那么晚了你在这里做什么？”

“那帮白痴！”老头抱怨道，“他们把我名字拼错啦！”

2 万圣节晚会Halloween Party

We're having a Halloween party at school. I'm dressed up like Dracula. Man, I look cool! I made my hair black and I cut off my bangs. I'm wearing a cape and some fake plastic fangs. I put on some makeup to paint my face white, like creatures that only come out in the night. My fingernails, too, are all pointed and red. There's no doubt I look like the evil undead. My mom drops me off and I run into school, And suddenly feel like the world's biggest fool. The other kids stare like I'm some kind of freak. The Halloween party is not till next week.

我们将在学校举办一个万圣节晚会。我装扮成吸血鬼的样子。看，我多酷！我把我的头发染成黑色，剪去刘海，我穿上斗篷和戴上假的塑料尖牙。我用化妆品把脸涂白，像那些仅在夜里出世的生灵。我的手指甲也是尖的，红色的。毫无疑问我看上去就像个不死的恶魔。母亲让我下了车，我冲进了学校，突然我感觉自己像是世界上最大的傻子。其他的孩子像看怪物一样地瞪着我，万圣节晚会要到下星期才开始呢。

3 万圣节服装Halloween Costume

A guy goes into a costume shop. He says, "I'm going to a Halloween party, and I want to go as Adam."

The girl brings out a fig leaf.

But he says, "Not big enough!"

So she brings out a bigger one.

"Still not big enough!"

So she brings out a HUGE fig leaf.

"Still not big enough!" he proudly tells her.

So she says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"

一个男人进入一个服饰店。他说：“我要去一个万圣节聚会，我想去亚当。”

女孩拿出一块遮羞布。

但他说，“还不够大！”

于是，她拿出了一个更大的。

“还是不够大！”

于是，她拿出了一个巨大的遮羞布。

“还是不够大！”他得意地告诉她。

于是，她说，“听着，高手，你为什么不把它披在肩膀上扮做加油管？”

4 还没收拾的床unmade bed

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"

The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"

万圣节时佩岑遇到了一个头上顶着一床单的男孩，就问，“你是鬼吗？”

男孩回答说：“不，当然不是！我是还没收拾的床！”

5 有点晚了A little late

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"

一具骷髅去看医生。医生看了看骨架，说：“你是不是有点晚了？”

6 魔鬼 The Devil

A woman, whose husband often came home drunk, decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork. "Who are you?" he asked. "I'm the Devil!" she responded. "Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"

一个女人，她的丈夫经常喝醉了回家，她决定治治他的坏习惯。一个万圣节之夜，她穿上了魔鬼样式的衣服，躲在他回家路上的一棵树后。当她的丈夫路过时，她跳了出来，她带着她的红角，长长的尾巴，和干草叉站在他面前。 “你是谁？”他问。 “我是魔鬼！” 她回答。 “好了，来吧，跟我回家，”他说，“我和你的姊妹结婚了！”

（from Internet)

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