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周末一笑：摔倒的女人

(2014-09-13 04:08:54) 下一个

1 A Woman Who Fell摔倒的女人
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”

2 I Want to Get Out我要出去

A bar owner locked up his place at 2 a. m. and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang." What time do you open up in the morning ?" he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire.

The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. "Listen," the owner shouted ,"there's no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn't let a person in your condition in-"

"I don't want to get in," the caller interjected. "I want to get out ."

　　　　在凌晨两点，酒吧店主锁了店门，回家睡觉。他刚躺下几分钟，这时电话响了。“你早上几点营业？”他听到一位明显已醉醺醺的男子的声音。

　　　　店主非常气愤，砰地一声挂上电话又上床去睡。几分钟后又有一个电话，他听到还是那个声音问同样的问题。“听着，”店主嚷道，“不要问我什么时候营业，因为我不会让你这种人进----”

“我不是想进来，”那人打断他的话，“我要出去。”

3 I've Just Bitten My Tongue我刚咬破自己的舌头

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”

“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

4 Job Technique工作技巧

Vacationing on the island of Oahu, we were waiting in our tour bus for some stragglers to show up. A man, obviously not with our group, approached the bus and was about to board. How would our driver handle the situation, we wondered. Straight-faced, he leaned toward the door and asked, "Going to the nudist Colony, sir?"

"Oh, no," replied the would-be passenger, retreating quickly.

"Works every time," the driver said with a wink.

　　　　在瓦湖岛上度假时，我们坐在旅游车里等候掉队的人。一位男子，明显不是和我们一起的，朝旅游车走来并要上车。司机会怎么处理这种情况呢？我们都拭目以待。司机拉长了脸，向车门靠过去，问道：“先生，是去天体营吗？”

“哦，不，”刚想乘车的男子回答说，迅速转身而逃。

“每次都管用，”司机眨巴了一下眼睛说。

5 My wife Thinks So我老婆这样认为

Reading water meters in an unfamiliar part of town, I came upon a house with no number. Then I noticed an elderly man gardening at the first house on that block.

"Excuse me," I said to him. "Are you Number One?"

He smiled and replied, "My wife thinks so!"

　　　　在城区陌生地段查读水表时，我发现一处房子没有门牌号。接着，我看到这个街区的第一幢房子前有一位老人在养花。

“打扰，”我对他说，“您是第一（号）吗？”

　　　　他笑了，回答说：“我老伴是这样认为的。”

6 I'm a Police Officer我是警察

When my husband, Jack, was a police officer, he once approached a home guarded by two ferocious dogs. They lunged at the screen door with such force that it opened, and they tore out into the yard.

Thinking quickly, Jack, stepped into the house, closing the door tightly behind him. " It's all right, ma'am," he reassured the homeowner " I'm a police officer."

"Not a very brave one," she observed.

　　　　在我丈夫杰克还是警察的时候，一次他走近有两只恶狗看守的庭院。那两只狗奋力地扑抓纱门，把门弄开了并冲到院子里。

　　　　杰克反应迅速，三步并两步地跨入房子里，牢牢地关上身后的门。“没事了，女士，”他安慰家主道，“我是警察。”

“可不是很勇敢的一个。”她淡淡地说。

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