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周末一笑：五百遍（转贴）

(2014-05-10 05:38:25) 下一个

1．Five Hundred Times五百遍

In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light.

在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭里，一位年轻女士被带到法官面前，她由于开车闯红灯被开了罚单。

She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye.

女士向法官解释，她是一名学校老师，请求法官马上处理她的案子，以便可以赶回去上课。

"You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."

法官眼中闪过一丝狡黠，说道：“你是学校的老师，对吗？女士，我马上要实现我毕生的愿望了。在那张桌子旁坐下，写‘我开车闯了红灯’500遍。”

2．Your Horse Called马打电话来了

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

一个家伙正在看报纸，他的妻子走到他身后，用一只煎锅敲他的后脑勺。

He asks, "What was that for?"

他问道：“这是为什么？”

She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."

她说：“我在你口袋里发现了一张写有‘Betty Sue’的纸条。”

He says, "Jeez, honey, 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I bet on." She shrugs and walks away.

他说：“哎呀，亲爱的，‘Betty Sue’是我赌的那匹马的名字。”

Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.

她耸了耸肩，走了。三天后他正在看报纸，妻子走到他身后，又用一只煎锅敲他的后脑勺。

He asks, "What was that for?"

他问：“这又是为什么？”

She answers, "Your horse called."

她答道：“你的马打电话来了。”

3．Midway tactics中间战术

Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.

三个互相抢生意的商店老板在一个购物中心里租用了毗邻的店铺。

Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

旁观者等着瞧好戏。

The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale" and "Super Bargains"

右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价！”“特便宜！”

The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed" and ¨Fantastic Discounts" The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE"

左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大削价！”“超折扣！”中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。

4．The Best Answer 最佳答案

A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"

一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将拿出哪一幅？”

The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."

获奖的答案是：“最接近出口的那一幅。”

5．Life after Death死后重生

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

“你相信人能死后重生吗？”老板问他的一个员工。

"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied. “Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on.

“我相信，先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。“哦，那还好”。老板接着说。

"After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

“你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后，她老人家到这儿看你来了。”

6．I am acting like a lady我要表现得象位女士

One day when women’s dresses were on sale at the Fareast Department Store， a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece.

一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位看起来很高贵的中年男子想给太太买一件。

But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women. He stood it as long as he could; then， with head lowered and arms flailing， he plowed through the crowed.

但是不久他就发现自己被疯狂的女人们挤得不成样子了。他尽力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，猛烈地舞动着手臂挤过人群。

"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can’t you act like a gentleman?" "Listen，" he said， "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour.

“你干嘛？”有人在尖叫，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗？”“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。

From now on， I am acting like a lady."

从现在起，我要表现得象位女士。”

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