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1．Blind Date相亲
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date.
和盲约对象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。
Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.
他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话，这样他就能借故先离开了。
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
当他回到桌边，他垂下眼睛，装出一副阴沉的表情，说：“有个不幸的消息，我的祖父刚刚去世了。”“谢天谢地！”他的约会对象说，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了！”
2．Do Remember not to Smoke记得别吸烟
A much worried patient walked into doctor's office asking for help:
候诊室里走进一位忧心忡忡的病人，寻求医生的帮助：
"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday!"
“医生，怎么办？我昨天误喝下一瓶汽油！”
"Oh,...Don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days!"
医生回答他说：“喔..沒关系啦！记得这几天不要抽烟！”
3．Serious Chat严肃的聊天
Alice and Monica were having a rare heart to heart talk.
Alice 和Monica正在促膝谈心，这可是很罕见的。
“What’d you consider your worst vice?” Alice asked.
Alice问：“你认为你最大的缺点是什么？”
“I don’t like to admit it.” Monica said. “But my worst vice was my vanity. Sometimes I sit in front of the mirror and just admire my face.”
Monica说：“我不得不承认我最大的缺点是虚荣。有时候我坐在镜子前面就只是欣赏自己的脸。”
“I wouldn’t worry about it.” Said Alice. “That’s not vanity, that’s imagination.”
Alice说：“那不要紧，那不是虚荣，那只是想象而已。”
4．Six or Twelve?六还是十二?
A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she‘d like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she‘d like to have it cut into: six or twelve. “Oh, goodness, six please,” said the blonde. “I don‘t think I could ever eat twelve.”
一位金发女郎走进一家比萨店，她说想要一个中比萨，店员问她希望把比萨切成六块还是十二块。“噢，天啊，请帮我切成六块。”女郎说，“我可不认为我能吃得下十二块比萨。
5．When a Tiger comes老虎来了
Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.
两个男人正在穿过丛林，突然，一只老虎出现在远处，向他们冲来。
One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"
其中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”鞋，开始穿上。另一个人惊奇地看着他说，“你以为穿上这个就可以跑得过老虎吗？”
His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."
他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得过它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。”
6．Pink Suit Sale 粉红西装卖出去了
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.
服装店经理吃完午餐回来，发现店员的手包上了绷带，没等他问，店员告诉他一个非常好的消息。
"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"
“猜猜看发生什么事了，经理。”店员说，“我终于把那套一直压在这儿的难看透顶的西装卖出去了！”
"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked.
“不是那件粉红带蓝条的双排扣套装吧！那套衣服实在太可怕了！”
"That's the one!"
“就是那件。”
"That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?"
“太棒了！”经理叫道，“我一直以为我们无法处理掉那件怪物了，那是我们有过最难看的西装。对了，你的手怎么上绷带了？”
"Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me."
“哦，”店员说，“当我把那件西装卖给客人以后，他的导盲犬扑上来咬了我一口。”
谢谢燕燕！问好并祝新周快乐！
尼斯好！忧郁的文字看够了，就看看快乐的，轮流来哈~
尼斯，新周快乐！
因为朋友说我总看忧郁的文字，这样不好。
问好阿松！
谢谢小婷鼓励，祝你天天快乐！
问好spot321！
看来有些相亲的也人都知道对方的托词和借口：）
spot321，周末快乐！
哈哈。。。。。。最喜欢这句话！看来被相亲所害的人不是少数呢！你能找到这些真是不容易！谢谢！
祝下周愉快！！
问好姗姗，周末快乐！
问好君子，周末快乐！
谢谢松松的幽默笑话，周末快乐！
谢谢松松的幽默笑话，周末快乐！
谢谢松松分享！
松松周末愉快！
问好小和尚MM,周末快乐！
给沙发上的铜儿上茶：）
桐儿，周末快乐！
哈哈哈，好笑话。谢谢松松带来的轻松时刻。