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周末一笑：找个伴侣（转载）

(2014-04-26 04:58:05) 下一个

1．Looking for A Companion 找个伴侣

A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate: "I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports and enjoys group activities.”

一个单身汉要电脑为他找个完美的伴侣：“我要找一个娇小可爱的、喜爱水上运动又喜欢群体活动的伴侣。”

Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin.”

得到的回答是：“娶一只企鹅吧。”

2．A Tough Teacher强悍的老师

A school teacher friend of mine injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.

我有一位作教师的朋友弄伤了他的背，因此上身不得不穿石膏罩。

On his first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he was assigned to teach the most undisciplined class.

开学的第一天，他的身上还穿着石膏罩。他被分派教最不守纪律的班级。

Stepping confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible.

他很自信的步入乱哄哄的教室，把窗子尽可能大的打开。

Just then, a strong breeze made his tie flap.

就在这时，一阵强风把他的领带吹得飘起来。

Trying to fix the tie, he took a blackboard eraser and hammered a large tack through his tie into his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.

为了固定领带，他拿起黑板擦把一个大头钉透过领带砸入他的胸膛。那学期在他的课上，没有不守纪律的。

3．Chief at Wedding警长在婚礼上

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

在小镇上，一位交警拦住了一位在主路超速行驶的司机。

"But, officer," the man began, "I can explain" "Just be quiet," snapped the officer.

“长官”这个男人说，“我可以解释一下。”“安静，”警官打断他说

"I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say" "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

“我要让你在拘留所等着直到警长回来。”“但是，警官，我只是想说，”“我说过安静！你想待在拘留所吗！”

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding.

几小时以后，警官来探望他的拘留犯说：“你很幸运，我们警长去参加他女儿的婚礼了，他回来一定会心情很好。”

He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

“别指望这样，”那人在房里回答道：“我就是新郎。"

4．It worked 真的有效

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.

Tom早上老起不来，所以上班总是迟到。他的老板非常生气，警告他如果他不能有所改善的话就炒他的鱿鱼。

So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.

于是，Tom去看医生，医生给了他一颗药丸并告诉他要在睡觉前服下这颗药。

Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

Tom照医生的话做了，睡得非常之好，事实上，他在早上闹钟响之前就起来了。Tom从容不迫地吃完早餐，然后兴高采烈地开车上班去了。

"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"

“老板”，Tom说，“那药真管用，我的睡眠好极了！”

"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

“是够管用的，”老板说，“问题是，昨天你人哪去了”?

5．Wedding Anniversary结婚周年纪念

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50 wedding anniversary.

一对夫妇出去吃饭庆祝他们的五十周年结婚纪念。

On the way home, she notices tears in his eyes and asks if he's getting sentimental because they are celebrating fifty wonderful years together.

在回家的路上，她注意到他的眼里含着泪水，于是问他是否在感伤他们庆祝五十年在一起的美好时光。

He replies, “No, I was thinking about the time before we got married.

他回答说：“不，我在想我们结婚前的时光。

Your father threatened me with a short gun and said he would have thrown me in jail for fifty years if I didn't marry you."

你的爸爸用枪威胁我，说如果我不娶你，他会把我送进监狱蹲五十年。”

6．Bad News and Good News好消息和坏消息

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.

一名艺术家问画廊老板，最近有没有人对他展出的画感兴趣。“这有好消息和坏消息，”老板回答。

"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."

“好消息是有一位先生咨询你的作品，他想知道在你死后你的画会不会升值。我告诉他你的画会升值，他就把你的15幅画全都买走了。”

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."

“真是太好了”，艺术家是喜形于色，“那坏消息是什么？”带着关心的口吻，画廊老板回答，“买画的人是你的医生”。

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