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天赐的机遇 - 一个脑学家从自己脑中风经历中得到的启示

(2008-12-14 23:46:53) 下一个



这几天,我每天都不亦乐乎地穿梭于几十篇茶轩高手们关于信仰,宗教和精神话题的帖子和讨论之中。

信仰和精神一向是我非常感兴趣的话题。在众多的讨论中,spirituality这个词好像没有被怎么提及过,或者它也是被提到过,只是因为spirituality这个词包含太广,所以我还未见到一个确切的中文翻译。我想,spirituality可以指信仰,可以指精神,但它包括的还有一种灵性。

一个spiritual being不一定属于任何宗教,但是,她是相信更高智慧生命(a higher intelligence)或者超自然力量的存在的。这个更高智慧可以被称为上帝,也可以被称为真主或者其它。这个相信也就是她灵性表现的一方面。除了灵性方面,一个spiritual being思索和探求的是生命的意义感,目的感和使命感,她追求的是自我认识,自我完善和自我超越。这就是我对spirituality很简单的一个说法。

在众多的帖子里,我看到的主题是一种对spirituality 的追求和探索。在此,我也贡献一篇自己刚刚翻译完的文章。这篇演讲文章很有意思,它讲的是一个科学家无意间在自己脑中风经历中所感受到的spirituality, 她在文中称之为涅盘(Nirvana)。因为演讲者(Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor)是一位脑学家的原故,所以她讲的spirituality是从科学的方面来描述的,她的经历更进一步地证明了科学和spirituality两者之间紧密相连的关系。

我不是专业的翻译家,而且,因为翻得匆忙,所以请大家阅读的时候多加包含。在翻译的过程中,我觉得她用的一些词或者概念与佛家的一些观点或是语言很是相近。因为我自己的佛教知识很是贫乏,所以,欢迎大家对我的一些词的译法提建议。

(题外话,她对左脑,右脑的解释和描述还使我联想起坛里的一篇关于文理科分科的文章。基于我以前读的一些材料,我在这方面的理解大概是,理科牵涉到较多左脑拥有的功能,而文科运用更多右脑的功能。读了这篇文章后,我更觉得如果要培养一个全面发展的人,平衡教育是多么的重要。)

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天赐的机遇 - 一个脑学家从自己脑中风经历中得到的启示

翻译:洁心


演讲前言

神经生理学家吉尔.泰勒有过一次脑学家梦寐以求的机遇。她经历过一次大中风。在这个中风的过程中,她亲身体验到她的脑功能从语言,运动到信息处理,一个接一个逐渐消失的经过。她牢牢地记住并且研究了这每一个瞬间。这是一个非常动人而且极具感染力的故事,从这个故事中,我们更加清楚了大脑在把个人与世界,及他人衔接起来而充当的角色。


Dr. Taylor 的演讲稿

由于我的一个患神经分裂症的哥哥的原因,我从小就立志要成为一名脑学家。作为他的妹妹以及一名科学家,我一直想知道为什么我能够把我的想法与我的现实生活环境衔接挂钩,继而把我的意愿付诸实行,而我的哥哥却不能够把他的想法与众所皆知的现实连接,反之, 他的想法却更象是一种幻觉。

我由此而决定献身自己于精神病方面的研究。为了能够在哈佛大学精神系佛郎西  本博士的实验室里进行研究工作,我从印第安纳州搬到波士顿。在实验过程中,我们经常问这样的问题,正常人的脑子与精神病患者的脑子在生理上到底有什么区别?

我们绘制出脑神经的地图,研究脑细胞之间的联络交流,以及促成这种联络的化学基因。这个研究工作使我的生命充满意义。下班之后,我还去为美国精神病患者同盟会做义务工作。

一九九六年十二月十日早晨,我从一觉醒来后,发现自己的大脑发生了问题。我的左脑里的一根脑血管崩裂了。在接下来的四个小时里,我静静地观察着我的大脑失去信息处理功能的全部过程。那个早晨,我失去了走路,说话,读写和记忆的功能。从实质上来说,我变成了一个拥有成人身体的婴儿。

如果你看见过大脑是什麽样的话,那么你就知道左半脑和右半脑是完全隔离分开的。(拿起一个模型)这里展示的是一个人类大脑的模型。这个是大脑的前边,在大脑的后侧垂下来的是脊髓。很明显,这两个脑皮层是完全分开的。如果借用电脑的术语来解释大脑的功能,那么我们右脑的功能就好比一个并行处理器,而我们的左脑的功能更类似于串型处理器。这两个半脑是通过胼胝体来进行交流的, 胼胝体是由三亿个轴突神经纤维组成的。除此以外,这两个半脑是完全分开的。由于两个半脑处理信息的过程不同,因此,它们分类管理的事也不同。它们各有各的个性。

我们的右半脑管理的是处于当下发生的事。它的注意力是集中在目前,当下的状况中。右半脑的思维是图像思维,它的认知过程是通过一种动觉。外在的信息是以能量一般的形式通过我们的感官而进入我们的内部。进入以后,这种代表当下状况的信息会被处理,放大成为类似组合图一般的图像来描绘当下的这一刻。这个描绘包括当下瞬间收集到的关于嗅觉,味觉,感觉以及听觉上的信息。做为一个人,我自认是一个由气能量组成的生存物,我是通过我右半脑的知觉与我周围环境中其它的气能量(指其他人和天地自然之气)链接在一起的。 我们每个人都是由气组成的生物,我们都是通过我们右半脑的知觉而相连在一起的人类大家庭。此时此地,我们都是这个地球上的兄弟姐妹,在这里一起工作,生活使这个世界变得更美好。此时此刻,我们是完整,美好,无暇的。

我的左脑是一个截然不同的地方。左脑的思维方式是线型的,是有规律的。我们的左脑关心的是过去和未来。左脑的主要功能就是从在右脑绘画出来的这个图像里提炼出种种详情细节,然后把这种详情细节归纳分类,之后,左脑再把这种经过分类后的细节性的信息与我们的过去联系在一起,以预测将来要发生的种种可能。左脑的认知过程是通过语言。是那从左脑里产生出来的喋喋不休的念头和自言自语把我和我的内心世界与外在世界联系在一起的。是我脑子里的小声音在对我说:“不要忘了在回家的路上去买些香蕉,放在明天早上吃。”是同样的这一种具有计划性的智能提醒我该什么时侯洗衣服了。但它首当其冲的重要性在于,是这个小声音在对我说,“我是。我是。”每当我的左脑对我说:“我是,”的时侯,我就马上变成一个单独存在的个体,一个实实在在的,独立的,与环绕我周围的气能量分离的个人。

大中风的那个早晨,我丧失的就是来自于这个部分的大脑功能。

那天早上,我从一个来自于我左眼的阵痛中醒来。这种痛好似于你在吃冰淇淋的时侯感受到的一种突如其来的痛。它是间或揪心,间或放开,一紧一松的一种痛。一般来说,我从来没有经历过什么疼痛。当时,我决定还是按照原定的计划办事。起床后,我开始在我的滑翔健身机上健身。运动的时侯,我低头看着自己的手,突然意识到我的双手好似两个抓在横杆上的原始人的爪子。我觉得很奇怪,然后开始低头观察自己的身体,我觉得自己的外表很是怪异。那一时,我的意识,知觉好似开始脱离我原本熟悉的对现实生活规律的认识和理解,我的知觉从一个在健身器上做运动的人的角度变成了一个目击自己做运动的知觉。

这所有发生的一切都是那么奇怪,与此同时,我的头痛也开始在加剧。于是,我决定停止运动走下健身器,当我走过客厅的时侯,我意识到自己身体内部的一切正在急剧地缓慢下来。踏出的每一步都是那么僵硬,那么审慎。走路的速度也毫无流惯性,我的知觉好像是被什么压迫着,我的注意力也因此而集中在自己身体的内部组织里。当我准备走进淋浴的时侯,我可以真实地听见自己内部组织系统的对白。我听见一个小声音在说:“准备好了,这部分的肌肉组织需要收缩,那部分的肌肉组织需要放松。”

一时间,我失去了重心,当我倚靠在墙的一侧的时侯,我低头打量着自己的手臂,突然意识到自己不能够明确划分自己身体的边界和范围。我划分不清自己身体在外在环境称托下的开端和终点。因为组成我手臂的分子和原子和组成墙壁的分子和原子已经混合在一起了。我唯一能够觉察到的是一股气能量。我自问:“我怎么了,发生什么事了?”那一刻,我脑中的念头,左脑中贯有的自言自语已经完全静默消失了。就好像有人在遥控器上按了一下静音按钮。

起初,我震惊地发现自己的脑子里是多么的寂静。然后,我的注意力马上就被身边那股宏伟壮丽的气所吸引住。因为我已经不能够再区分自己身体所属的范围和与外界之间的边界,我陡然觉得自己是无比的宽阔巨大。我觉得自身和周围的一切已经溶为一体了,这是一件多么美妙的事。

霎那间,我的左半脑恢复了它的功能,它对我说:“我们有麻烦了,我们有麻烦了,我们应该马上去求救。”如此这般,我的知觉功能又苏醒了过来。我对这之前所经历处在的那个脑海空间的昵称是香格里拉。那是一个多么美丽的地方。设想一个和你的杂念和喋喋不休的自我对话完全脱离的地方。在那个空间里,所有生活上和工作上的压力和紧张都随之消失。我觉得轻松非凡。设想世上所有因为关系(指人与人,人与环境之间的关系)而引起的压力和忧虑都溶化消失。那一刻,我觉得非常的平和宁静,就好似37年来我一直背着的所有的包袱都被卸了下来。正当我完全陶醉在这愉快的感觉的时侯,我的左半脑开始复苏,督促我集中思想去寻求援助。我走出淋浴间开始着装。循徊在我的公寓中,我自思该是时侯去上班了,并且自问有没有开车的能力?

正在这个时侯,我的右臂突然麻痹,我由此而意识到自己是中风了。但是,我的反应却是:“这实在是太棒了,有多少脑学家有这样的机会可以从一个来自内侧的角度来研究自己的大脑?”

与此同时,又一个念头闪过我的头脑:“但我是一个很忙碌的人。我中不起这个风啊!”我又想到:“好吧,我也没有能力阻止这个中风的发生,那就让自己病一两个星期吧,过了以后我就可以再继续工作。”

于是,我决定打电话去公司求助。但我记不起公司的电话号码。有幸的是,我的书房里有一张公司名片。于是,我走进书房里找到一堆三寸厚的名片。尽管在脑海中,我能够清晰地看到自己的名片,但是当我凝视着那张躺在最上面的名片的时候,我却不能判断那是不是自己要找的那张,因为从我眼里看出的都是像素(屏幕上的小点)。而且,那些组成字的像素,背景的像素,还有组成符号的像素都混杂在一起了,我什么都分不清。于是,我决定等待自己脑子清醒的那一刻,我料想,到那时我就又可以找回自己原有的正常的知觉和思维,以便我与自己熟悉的那个世界,那个现实再次接轨,我也可以分清哪一张名片是我要找的。45分钟后,我慢慢整顿了约莫一寸厚的名片。

在这45分钟的同时,我的左半脑的内出血也越来越大。我失去了读数字的能力,我不懂电话(指电话上的数字),但打电话求助是我唯一的计划。于是,我一边拿着电话,一边看着名片,试图着比较名片上和电话上号码的形状和笔画。但是在这期间,我又会时不时,迷迷糊糊地飘回到那个香格里拉的地方,等我再回到现实的时侯,我却又不记得自己到底拨了哪些数字。

我只能用自己麻木,好似残肢的手臂来盖住那些已经被拨过的号码。等我下一次再回到那个正常的现实中来的时侯,我就知道自己拨号码的进程了。最终,我成功地接通了电话,我的同事接了线。但是,从电话的这一端,他的嗓音听上去却像是如同“喔喔喔喔”一般的声音。我以为他听上去象个金毛狗。在我的脑海中,我清晰地觉得自己在对他说:“我是吉尔!我需要救助!”但是,从我的喉咙里发出声音的却是:“喔喔喔喔。”这下子,我的声音听上去也象是一个金毛狗了。当时,我并不知道自己已经失去了听讲语言的功能。

我的同事意识到事情的严重性,于是他找来人援救了我。不多久,救护车送着我开去了麻省综合医院,我的身体蜷缩得像是一个胎儿。我感觉到自己身体里的气开始消失,就好像是一个氢气球在泄气的时侯被瘪干内里最后的一点气,与此同时, 我感觉到自己的灵魂也在脱离。那一刻,我意识到自己不再是自己命运的主宰者。除非医生把我搭救回来,予我第二次机会,不然,这一刻就是我过渡(到另一世界)的时分。

那天下午,我醒来后惊讶的发现自己还活着。当我感觉到自己灵魂在脱离的时侯,我已经对自己的生活做了道别,此时,我的神志还悬浮在这两个大相径庭的事实里。外界的感官刺激为我带来(肉体上的)痛苦。亮光象野火一般燃烧着我的脑子,声响是那么的震耳欲聋,杂乱无章,我无法从背景声中分辨出嗓音,这一切使我只想逃脱。因为我不能确认自己的身体在空间里所处的是哪一个位置,我觉得自己非常旷阔巨大,就好象是一千零一夜里瓶中精灵从瓶子里被解放时一般。我的灵魂像是一条沉醉于翩跹大海的鲸鱼一般的飞舞高扬着。我记得自己当时在想,庞大的自己无论如何也是再也挤塞不进那么小的一个肉体里了。

但是与此同时,我意识到,自己还活着,活着而且已经找到了涅盘(梵语)。如果我活着并且找到了涅盘,那么,每个活着的人都可以找到涅盘。我想象着一个充满美丽,和平,慈善,友爱的人类的世界。他们知道,自己随时都可以走进那个香格里拉的地方。他们可以选择走进那个在左半脑右边的空间并且在那儿找到安详宁静。那一刻,我认识到,这场经历是多么可贵的一个天赐,那么样的一个关于怎样充分生活的领悟。这个意念激励着我康复的欲望。

中风后的两个半星期,在开刀的时侯,外科医生从我的脑子里取出了一块紧压着我大脑语言系统中心的,相当于高尔夫球大小的血块。我的康复花了整整八年的时间。

那么,我们究竟是什么(人到底是什么)?我们是宇宙的生命力,有着灵巧的双手和两个具有认知能力的半脑。每时每刻,我们都有自我选择的能力,选择在这个世上做一个怎样的人。此时此刻,我可以走进我的右半脑的意识形态 - 就象这样  -  我是 - 这个宇宙的生命力,也是五十兆个组成我的躯体的,天赋的,美丽的分子,我和(宇宙间)所有的一切都是水乳交融,浑然一体的。或者,我也可以走进我的左半脑的意识形态,变成为一个个体,一个实实在在,与外界完全分离,与你完全分离的个体。我是吉尔 波特 泰勒博士,知识分子,神经生理学家。这些(指头衔或标签)就是我内中的“我们”。

那么,你要选择什么?哪一个是你要选择的?什么时侯你会做这种选择?我相信,如果你选择用更多的时间生活在象存在你右脑里一样的那种内心宁静平安的状态里,那么每个人的平静内心就会使得更多的安宁被反射到这个世界上,我们的世界就会变得更加和睦。我由此而认为,这是一个值得传播的信念。

 

English Version - Jill Bolte Taylor: My stroke of insight

演讲前言

Neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor had an opportunity few brain scientists would wish for: One morning, she realized she was having a massive stroke. As it happened -- as she felt her brain functions slip away one by one, speech, movement, understanding -- she studied and remembered every moment. This is a powerful story of recovery and awareness -- of how our brains define us and connect us to the world and to one another

Dr. Taylor的演讲

I grew up to study the brain because I have a brother who has been diagnosed with a brain disorder, schizophrenia. And as a sister and as a scientist, I wanted to understand, why is it that I can take my dreams, I can connect them to my reality, and I can make my dreams come true -- what is it about my brother's brain and his schizophrenia that he cannot connect his dreams to a common, shared reality, so they instead become delusions?

So I dedicated my career to research into the severe mental illnesses. And I moved from my home state of Indiana to Boston where I was working in the lab of Dr. Francine Benes, in the Harvard Department of Psychiatry. And in the lab, we were asking the question, What are the biological differences between the brains of individuals who would be diagnosed as normal control, as compared to the brains of individuals diagnosed with schizophrenia, schizoaffective, or bipolar disorder?

So we were essentially mapping the microcircuitry of the brain, which cells are communicating with which cells, with which chemicals, and then with what quantities of those chemicals. So there was a lot of meaning in my life because I was performing this kind of research during the day. But then in the evenings and on the weekends I traveled as an advocate for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

But on the morning of December 10 1996 I woke up to discover that I had a brain disorder of my own. A blood vessel exploded in the left half of my brain. And in the course of four hours I watched my brain completely deteriorate in its ability to process all information. On the morning of the hemorrhage I could not walk, talk, read, write or recall any of my life. I essentially became an infant in a woman's body.

If you've ever seen a human brain, it's obvious that the two hemispheres are completely separate from one another. And I have brought for you a real human brain. [Thanks.] So, this is a real human brain. This is the front of the brain, the back of the brain with a spinal cord hanging down, and this is how it would be positioned inside of my head. And when you look at the brain, it's obvious that the two cerebral cortices are completely separate from one another. For those of you who understand computers, our right hemisphere functions like a parallel processor. While our left hemisphere functions like a serial processor. The two hemispheres do communicate with one another through the corpus callosum, which is made up of some 300 million axonal fibers. But other than that, the two hemispheres are completely separate. Because they process information differently, each hemisphere thinks about different things, they care about different things, and dare I say, they have very different personalities. [Excuse me. Thank you. It's been a joy.]

Our right hemisphere is all about this present moment. It's all about right here right now. Our right hemisphere, it thinks in pictures and it learns kinesthetically through the movement of our bodies. Information in the form of energy streams in simultaneously through all of our sensory systems. And then it explodes into this enormous collage of what this present moment looks like. What this present moment smells like and tastes like, what it feels like and what it sounds like. I am an energy being connected to the energy all around me through the consciousness of my right hemisphere. We are energy beings connected to one another through the consciousness of our right hemispheres as one human family. And right here, right now, all we are brothers and sisters on this planet, here to make the world a better place. And in this moment we are perfect. We are whole. And we are beautiful.

My left hemisphere is a very different place. Our left hemisphere thinks linearly and methodically. Our left hemisphere is all about the past, and it's all about the future. Our left hemisphere is designed to take that enormous collage of the present moment. And start picking details and more details and more details about those details. It then categorizes and organizes all that information. Associates it with everything in the past we've ever learned and projects into the future all of our possibilities. And our left hemisphere thinks in language. It's that ongoing brain chatter that connects me and my internal world to my external world. It's that little voice that says to me, "Hey, you gotta remember to pick up bananas on your way home, and eat 'em in the morning." It's that calculating intelligence that reminds me when I have to do my laundry. But perhaps most important, it's that little voice that says to me, "I am. I am." And as soon as my left hemisphere says to me "I am," I become separate. I become a single solid individual separate from the energy flow around me and separate from you.

And this was the portion of my brain that I lost on the morning of my stroke.

On the morning of the stroke, I woke up to a pounding pain behind my left eye. And it was the kind of pain, caustic pain, that you get when you bite into ice cream. And it just gripped me and then it released me. Then it just gripped me and then released me. And it was very unusual for me to experience any kind of pain, so I thought OK, I'll just start my normal routine. So I got up and I jumped onto my cardio glider, which is a full-body exercise machine. And I'm jamming away on this thing, and I'm realizing that my hands looked like primitive claws grasping onto the bar. I thought "that's very peculiar" and I looked down at my body and I thought, "whoa, I'm a weird-looking thing." And it was as though my consciousness had shifted away from my normal perception of reality, where I'm the person on the machine having the experience, to some esoteric space where I'm witnessing myself having this experience.

And it was all every peculiar and my headache was just getting worse, so I get off the machine, and I'm walking across my living room floor, and I realize that everything inside of my body has slowed way down. And every step is very rigid and very deliberate. There's no fluidity to my pace, and there's this constriction in my area of perceptions so I'm just focused on internal systems. And I'm standing in my bathroom getting ready to step into the shower and I could actually hear the dialog inside of my body. I heard a little voice saying, "OK, you muscles, you gotta contract, you muscles you relax."

And I lost my balance and I'm propped up against the wall. And I look down at my arm and I realize that I can no longer define the boundaries of my body. I can't define where I begin and where I end. Because the atoms and the molecules of my arm blended with the atoms and molecules of the wall. And all I could detect was this energy. Energy. And I'm asking myself, "What is wrong with me, what is going on?" And in that moment, my brain chatter, my left hemisphere brain chatter went totally silent. Just like someone took a remote control and the mute button and -- total silence.

And at first I was shocked to find myself inside of a silent mind. But then I was immediately captivated by the magnificence of energy around me. And because I could no longer identify the boundaries of my body, I felt enormous and expansive. I felt at one with all the energy that was, and it was beautiful there.

Then all of a sudden my left hemisphere comes back online and it says to me, "Hey! we got a problem, we got a problem, we gotta get some help." So it's like, OK, OK, I got a problem, but then I immediately drifted right back out into the consciousness, and I affectionately referred to this space as La La Land. But it was beautiful there. Imagine what it would be like to be totally disconnected from your brain chatter that connects you to the external world. So here I am in this space and any stress related to my, to my job, it was gone. And I felt lighter in my body. And imagine all of the relationships in the external world and the many stressors related to any of those, they were gone. I felt a sense of peacefulness. And imagine what it would feel like to lose 37 years of emotional baggage! I felt euphoria. Euphoria was beautiful -- and then my left hemisphere comes online and it says "Hey! you've got to pay attention, we've got to get help," and I'm thinking, "I got to get help, I gotta focus." So I get out of the shower and I mechanically dress and I'm walking around my apartment, and I'm thinking, "I gotta get to work, I gotta get to work, can I drive? can I drive?"

And in that moment my right arm went totally paralyzed by my side. And I realized, "Oh my gosh! I'm having a stroke! I'm having a stroke!" And the next thing my brain says to me is, "Wow! This is so cool. This is so cool. How many brain scientists have the opportunity to study their own brain from the inside out?"

And then it crosses my mind: "But I'm a very busy woman. I don't have time for a stroke!" So I'm like, "OK, I can't stop the stroke from happening so I'll do this for a week or two, and then I'll get back to my routine, OK."

So I gotta call help, I gotta call work. I couldn't remember the number at work, so I remembered, in my office I had a business card with my number on it. So I go in my business room, I pull out a 3-inch stack of business cards. And I'm looking at the card on top, and even though I could see clearly in my mind's eye what my business card looked like, I couldn't tell if this was my card or not, because all I could see were pixels. And the pixels of the words blended with the pixels of the background and the pixels of the symbols, and I just couldn't tell. And I would wait for what I call a wave of clarity. And in that moment, I would be able to reattach to normal reality and I could tell, that's not the card, that's not the card, that's not the card. It took me 45 minutes to get one inch down inside of that stack of cards.

In the meantime, for 45 minutes the hemorrhage is getting bigger in my left hemisphere. I do not understand numbers, I do not understand the telephone, but it's the only plan I have. So I take the phone pad and I put it right here, I'd take the business card, I'd put it right here, and I'm matching the shape of the squiggles on the card to the shape of the squiggles on the phone pad. But then I would drift back out into La La Land, and not remember when I come back if I'd already dialed those numbers.

So I had to wield my paralyzed arm like a stump, and cover the numbers as I went along and pushed them, so that as I would come back to normal reality I'd be able to tell, yes, I've already dialed that number. Eventually the whole number gets dialed, and I'm listening to the phone, and my colleague picks up the phone and he says to me, "Whoo woo wooo woo woo." [laughter] And I think to myself, "Oh my gosh, he sounds like a golden retriever!" And so I say to him, clear in my mind I say to him. "This is Jill! I need help!" And what comes out of my voice is, "Whoo woo wooo woo woo." I'm thinking, "Oh my gosh, I sound like a golden retriever." So I couldn't know, I didn't know that I couldn't speak or understand language until I tried.

So he recognizes that I need help, and he gets me help. And a little while later, I am riding in an ambulance from one hospital across Boston to Mass General Hospital. And I curl up into a little fetal ball. And just like a balloon with the last bit of air just, just right out of the balloon I felt my energy lift and I felt my spirit surrender. And in that moment I knew that I was no longer the choreographer of my life. And either the doctors rescue my body and give me a second chance at life or this was perhaps my moment of transition.

When I awoke later that afternoon I was shocked to discover that I was still alive. When I felt my spirit surrender, I said goodbye to my life, and my mind is now suspended between two very opposite planes of reality. Stimulation coming in through my sensory systems felt like pure pain. Light burned my brain like wildfire and sounds were so loud and chaotic that I could not pick a voice out from the background noise and I just wanted to escape. Because I could not identify the position of my body in space, I felt enormous and expensive, like a genie just liberated from her bottle. And my spirit soared free like a great whale gliding through the sea of silent euphoria. Harmonic. I remember thinking there's no way I would ever be able to squeeze the enormousness of myself back inside this tiny little body.

But I realized "But I'm still alive! I'm still alive and I have found Nirvana. And if I have found Nirvana and I'm still alive, then everyone who is alive can find Nirvana." I picture a world filled with beautiful, peaceful, compassionate, loving people who knew that they could come to this space at any time. And that they could purposely choose to step to the right of their left hemispheres and find this peace. And then I realized what a tremendous gift this experience could be, what a stroke of insight this could be to how we live our lives. And it motivated my to recover.

Two and a half weeks after the hemorrhage, the surgeons went in and they removed a blood clot the size of a golf ball that was pushing on my language centers. Here I am with my mama, who's a true angel in my life. It took me eight years to completely recover.

So who are we? We are the life force power of the universe, with manual dexterity and two cognitive minds. And we have the power to choose, moment by moment, who and how we want to be in the world. Right here right now, I can step into the consciousness of my right hemisphere where we are -- I am -- the life force power of the universe, and the life force power of the 50 trillion beautiful molecular geniuses that make up my form. At one with all that is. Or I can choose to step into the consciousness of my left hemisphere. where I become a single individual, a solid, separate from the flow, separate from you. I am Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, intellectual, neuroanatomist. These are the "we" inside of me.

Which would you choose? Which do you choose? And when? I believe that the more time we spend choosing to run the deep inner peace circuitry of our right hemispheres, the more peace we will project into the world and the more peaceful our planet will be. And I thought that was an idea worth spreading.

 

Video Link of Dr Taylor’s Speech: http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html

 

 (翻译版权所有,未经洁心同意,请勿转载)

 






 

 

 

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