Eivaro2008-01-07 18:00:44回复悄悄话
Dear 真妮,
Thank you for your reply. I really like your answer. It helps. We are working on our relationship. He agreed to find a marriage consultant helping us.
Eivaro2008-01-04 17:09:40回复悄悄话
Jennie, I need you and everyone's help.
I have a question and I am welcome everyone’s opinion. My husband is working on a new job in China and has more chances to social with different people including women. Social maybe help his to build good working relation ship.
I am kind of sensitive when he is too close to a woman as he had an affair many years ago at work place. The affair ended after I was aware of the affair. He recently talked with me pointing out that we each should have our own little space. I don’t know what that mean and asked for more examinations, such as for example. He said that for example if he goes lunch or dinner with a woman I should not get upset or care too much. They are too many chances in China and almost unavoidable. I said that if its work related I wouldn’t care. If its non work related he should and not hard to void to be with a women along. If for networking purpose he can ask the 3rd person to go with them. He thinks I am too sensitive. I agreed I am sensitive but if there was no affair history I would not restrict him entertaining with a woman along. That makes him even hate my restriction as he hated to mention the history. I knew he wanted to totally forget the history but IT’S the reason for me to be sensitive. Do you thank I am too excessive? What you think I should face the issue? I appreciate everyone’s opinion and suggestions.
木兰木兰2007-12-28 04:46:44回复悄悄话
"too simple sometimes naive"? 这不是江泽明讲香港记者的原话吗? 咋给用这儿了;)?
daniya2007-12-19 21:11:12回复悄悄话
too simple sometimes naive
There is a joke: in general people get older and wiser but sometimes the age comes alone :) ...
Somehow when I read your writings and knowing that you are much younger than me, I felt that to some people (like you), wisdom can also comes alone :) ...
You have so much depth and dimensions – it is amazing!! How lucky to your husband and kids!!
真妮说的太对了。不光女人有第六感，男人也有的，因为爱情是专一的敏感的。我前一阵子回国，刚好我们这里的一个工作上的联系人也在国内，于是我们一起吃了几次饭，当然不谈工作了，不过也没什么不正常只是介绍一下中国，聊聊天。
我老公就觉得不对劲了，我开始说他胡思乱想，我们因为工作认识，平时也没什么私人的接触，这次因为刚好在国内碰上，作为当地人做一下导游。但老公说他感觉不对，让我自己好好想想。。。
我静下心来也觉得我确实在不知不觉中对他产生了好感，如果他在我心中真的只是工作关系的话，我就不会主动约他吃饭，而且只是两个人。
后来我问我的同事男女是否不能做朋友，她说是的，但是可以作为大家的家庭朋友：就是男的和女的老公也是朋友，或是女的也是男的老婆的朋友。也就是说如果只有两人的交往那么总是暧昧的，时间长了就会变味。
我想男和女都会有机会碰到诱惑，关键还是要看个人的抵抗力，还有婚姻里另一方的提醒，爱情是自私的，我不认为你做得过分。
我不知道我的经历对你有帮助吗？也不知道你能看到我的留言吗。
我很敬重真妮的看法和意见，但对这一点我想提供自己的补充。
大家都熟悉的一句老口号是：“生命诚可贵，爱情价更高。若为自由故，两者皆可抛。”我想用这句话来形容男人是再确切不过了。一个能够充分地给与自己先生自由的太太在他先生的眼里一定会是非常值得尊重的，因为这是所有男人愿意从自己太太那儿最想得到的东西。当然也要看她的先生值得不值得她这样做。。。
Thank you for your reply. I really like your answer. It helps. We are working on our relationship. He agreed to find a marriage consultant helping us.
我们女人都是有第六感的，在感情问题上靠的是感觉而不是逻辑，如果你觉得你老公现在的所作所为让你不安，那么就相信自己的感觉。这无关乎他的的历史是否清廉，和他讨论的时候不要提这件事，好象只是你小肚鸡肠地老揪住人家的小辫子不放似地。你其实只是不希望他走得太远，破坏了家庭，也会间接破坏了他的事业。
和女人单独出去吃饭就是给婚姻空间吗？我不敢苟同这种说法，听着很Funny。在美国一个男人和另外一个女人单独出去吃晚饭几乎可以肯定是”Date“了。
问问他，如果你也和其他男人单独出去吃饭，他如何感觉。如果他无所谓，那么你们两个人之间的空间越来越大，是不是就意味着可以分道扬镳了？
I have a question and I am welcome everyone’s opinion. My husband is working on a new job in China and has more chances to social with different people including women. Social maybe help his to build good working relation ship.
I am kind of sensitive when he is too close to a woman as he had an affair many years ago at work place. The affair ended after I was aware of the affair. He recently talked with me pointing out that we each should have our own little space. I don’t know what that mean and asked for more examinations, such as for example. He said that for example if he goes lunch or dinner with a woman I should not get upset or care too much. They are too many chances in China and almost unavoidable. I said that if its work related I wouldn’t care. If its non work related he should and not hard to void to be with a women along. If for networking purpose he can ask the 3rd person to go with them. He thinks I am too sensitive. I agreed I am sensitive but if there was no affair history I would not restrict him entertaining with a woman along. That makes him even hate my restriction as he hated to mention the history. I knew he wanted to totally forget the history but IT’S the reason for me to be sensitive. Do you thank I am too excessive? What you think I should face the issue? I appreciate everyone’s opinion and suggestions.
There is a joke: in general people get older and wiser but sometimes the age comes alone :) ...
Somehow when I read your writings and knowing that you are much younger than me, I felt that to some people (like you), wisdom can also comes alone :) ...
You have so much depth and dimensions – it is amazing!! How lucky to your husband and kids!!