政治讽刺小品：奥巴马两千斤白宫生活第一周周记

Our Week: Malia and Sasha Obama
According to Hugo Rifkind     January 24, 2009    From The Times


Monday Our Mom reckons we ought to start writing an autobiography. Daddy had written two by the time he was 45, and Mom reckons that if we don’t get going soon, we’re going to hit 40 and not even be congressmen. That’s not what this is, though. This is an open letter. Two girls called Bush wrote us one. We don’t know much about the Bushes. Daddy says they’re stupid, bitter people, who cleave to guns and religion out of desperation. We’re not meant to talk about that, though.

We’re also not really meant to talk about the time Daddy dressed up in that kaftan, and Mom got that machinegun, and they stood in front of the mirror, giggling. Daddy says this is a new era of transparency, though, so we’ve decided that we can talk about anything we want.

Tuesday Today is the big day. We’ve been sent a lot of clothes. We’ve already got through most of them, though. This morning, while we were getting dressed, Daddy kept shouting: “Change! Change!” We hope you like the clothes we ended up in. Daddy said this was a change he could believe in. Mom said he was just practising his speech.

We’d never been on a train before. Trains are weird. We do not intend to go on one again. Mom says we’ll be meeting a lot of people today, and we are to be nice to everybody except for the creepy man in the wheelchair. We note, with interest, the continued nonarrival of the promised puppy. We keep telling Daddy we want a pitbull. Daddy keeps laughing. We do not intend to put up with this sort of thing for much longer. We have reminded him that all of these people have come to see us, not him, and if the puppy doesn’t turn up soon there will be trouble.

Wednesday We are most displeased with our father. We cannot believe he got the words wrong. We also cannot believe he didn’t tell us we could come in fancy dress. Mrs Clinton’s son Chelsea got to come as Kermit’s girlfriend, from The Muppets. We had to wear normal clothes right the way through.

We did meet one of the Bushes. He didn’t look like he did in the photo that came with the open letter. Same face, but no long blonde wig. He called us Salia and Masha, told us we could see his house from there, and then pretended to steal our noses. We asked the Secret Service Man to throw him out on the street and give him a beating, but Mom came along and said that we weren’t allowed to do that sort of thing until tomorrow.

Thursday Mom says we’re basically in charge of the world, now.

“We’re still a normal family,” said Daddy. “Sure we are,” said Mom, and then she did that thing with her eyes that she does when Daddy isn’t looking.

That thing where they glow. Mom says we can be Secretary of State, just as soon as they can get rid of Mrs Clinton.

We’ve been unpacking, and watching the video from last week’s Children’s Inaugural Ball. We met the Jonas Brothers, who are our favourite pop group. They promised that they would dedicate a song to both of us.

“You’d better,” we said, “or else we’ll have you sent to Guantánamo Bay.” The Jonas Brothers started laughing at this, but we kept staring at them until they stopped laughing again. We need a bit of practice at this, but Mom told us that she was very proud.

Friday Daddy has closed Guantánamo Bay. Mom said he had to, so we’re trying not to be cross.

Generally, the White House is pretty cool. Although it’s a big place, we’ve decided that we want to share a room. We fancy the big oval one, in the middle. Daddy says he needs it as his office, but we’re pretty sure we’ll be able to talk him around soon.

“We have noticed”, we said to him at lunch, “that you have still not yet provided the aforementioned puppy.” “I’m working on it,” said Daddy.

We asked the Secret Service Man to throw him out in the street. The Secret Service Man said that he is thinking about it.            

附网络译文（断章取义，仅供参考）

周一(1月19日)：妈妈说我们应该开始写自传

妈妈说我们应该开始写自传，因为爸爸45岁时，已经写完了两部自传。妈妈认为，如果我们现在不立刻行动起来，可能到40岁也不能成为议员。我们对布什家人并不了解，爸爸说，他们都是愚蠢的可怜人，只知道用枪炮和宗教来摆脱绝望。但这不是我们愿意讨论的话题，我们对《竞报》封面上爸爸穿着土耳其长袍、妈妈抱着机关枪的事不感兴趣。爸爸说，这是一个一切都透明的新时代，因此我们决定讨论让我们感兴趣的话题。

周二(1月20日)：火车太神奇了 还想坐一次

今天是个大日子，一早我们收到各式各样的衣服，并且一一试穿。当我们早上穿上漂亮衣服时，爸爸大呼:“女儿们变了，好漂亮！”他希望我们能够喜欢这些一直要穿着的衣服，他相信这是一个改变。妈妈说，爸爸需要开始练习演讲致辞。我们以前从来没有乘过火车。火车太神奇了，我们还想再坐一次。妈妈说，我们今天将看到很多人，我们必须对每个人都有礼貌。但我们最感兴趣的是，他们答应的小狗就要送来了。

周三(1月21日)：把布什扔到大街上狠揍一顿

我们都生爸爸的气了，不敢相信他竟然说错话，还不告诉我们将参加化妆舞会。我们不得不穿上正式礼服，规规矩矩地呆着。我们见到了布什及其家人，他看起来不像照片中的那个人，尽管脸一样，但没有金色假发。他叫我们Salia和Masha(实际上是萨莎Sasha和玛利亚Malia)，告诉我们，从这里能看到他的房子，然后假装偷捏了我们的鼻子。我们要求保镖们把他扔到大街上，狠狠揍他一顿，但是妈妈过来了，不允许我们做出这么出格的事情。

周四(1月22日)：将流行乐团关进关塔那摩

妈妈说，我们现在要对全世界负责。爸爸说:“我们依然是一个正常家庭。”妈妈回答说，当然。妈妈说，我们将来可能成为国务卿。我们观看上周儿童就职舞会录像，见到了我们最喜欢的当红流行乐团----新泽西的兄弟组合Jonas Brothers，他们还答应专门为我们俩写一首歌。我们说:“你们真是太好了，否则我们就把你们关进关塔那摩监狱。” 他们都笑了，我们就这样一直盯着偶像。

周五(1月23日)：把爸爸扔到大街上

爸爸已经关闭了关塔那摩监狱，妈妈说他必须这么做。尽管白宫很大，但它是一个很酷的地方。我们想要中间那个大卵形的房间当卧室。可是爸爸说，他需要将它作为办公室。午餐时间我们对爸爸说:“我们已经接到通知了，你依然没有兑现承诺，给我们一条小狗。” 爸爸回答说:“我正在给你们选。”我们要求保镖将他扔到大街上，但他们没有执行我们的指令。