Anssi 要走了

上个星期四，很无意的发现Anssi面容严肃，就想起来给他发Skye. Skye是我常用的，但不是他用的。太多回忆，不知道从何说起了。

我很撒娇似的要他抱抱，因为要报考AWS. 结果他告诉我他已经正式通知公司离职了。太没想到了！我一时不知从何说起，装作震惊的问他到哪里。他还是很耐心的解释了。说主要是为了事业的发展，还说有25%的工资提高。我还能说什么呢，只好祝福他。我还是撒娇，要他给我买礼物。

周五我还是不能自已，赶紧跟他打招呼，聊聊啊。说这说那，说他的后背，和伤。 他说Hannu对他不公平啊。

一个周末都是蒙蒙的。感觉不能睡，不能想。像是一切都回来了。我记得他一瞬间的体温。好像是在Nokia的一次次失之交臂都回来了。感觉这份工作真的是把一切都还原了。我找到了一切的感觉，难道下一步就是离职了吗？我已经这把年纪了，离职后又能怎样呢？

昨天周一，我想跟他要礼物。脑子里都是要跟他求证我们的下一步亲密关系。要他跟我中午去给需要救助的孩子们买礼物，他拒绝了。我慌了，跑出去给孩子们买了礼物， 也给他带了一个。回来的路上碰到了Sakari, 他看到了我的慌张和抑郁。

本来在餐桌上把礼物给了他。以为自己很得意。回来在Slack上接着聊啊。结果，结果还我怕的结果，他在下午给我把礼物退了回来。

"Ah this is going to be so awkward... okay, I appreciate you are being nice and friendly, and that is really appreciated, but I think this is a bit too personal and I don't think our thoughts on that are going the same direction. I may be wrong and you are just trying to be super friendly but I just feel this is the case. I cannot accept this gift because it would make me feel guilty for both accepting that and you would be expecting something in return. I am really sorry but I think this is going to be more disappointment for you if I don't speak up now. I hope I have not created false expectations based on my actions, at least that has not been the intent. I don't know how to make this less awkward but could you possibly gift it to someone else or return it? I am really really sorry."

 

是啊，我还能再nice一点吗？

Yang Xu 3:25 PM

hmm, I really did not expect the gift will create such awkard situation

 

3: PM

it is definitely not the initial

 

3:26 PM

I do not expect my gift being returned. it is more awkward than receiving an unexpected gift, I would say

 

3:26 PM

but if that makes you feeling better, you can return it to me

 

Anssi Järvensivu 3:26 PM

I am really really sorry

 

Yang Xu 3:54 PM

I do not know what wrong direction it went

 

3:54 PM

just had a short meeting

 

3:55 PM

But in a way, I wanted to keep you as a friend instead of being completely apart from you once you are away from HansenCX or I leave (edited) 

 

3:56 PM

because I somehow always keep people higher value than work or mission that we encountered

 

3:56 PM

you said you are a nerd

 

3:56 PM

maybe you can look at the things a bit differently than you normally do

 

3:58 PM

really, take it easy

 

Anssi Järvensivu 4:02 PM

people make the company, after all

 

Yang Xu 4:02 PM

and people go around

 

Anssi Järvensivu 4:03 PM

they do

 

Yang Xu 4:03 PM

 

 

4several years I was away from Finland, when I look around in Helsinki, those people I had met in variants situations are being around

 

4:04 PM

There are ones I really did not like, to whom I would never ask a favor

 

4:05 PM

but there are also ones I feel very safe to share some thought

 

4:06 PM

Even Andriy was saying any day if we are free, he will take some long bus ride to come to city for a cup of coffee

 

4:07 PM

and suggesting me to use some app if I want message to be safe

 

Yang Xu 4:44 PM

But think it again, I believe after all explanation, you already get what I mean and not having any misunderstood to each other.

 

4:44 PM

That is the best state I can expect.

 

Anssi Järvensivu 4:44 PM

I do

 

Yang Xu 4:44 PM

I only demand you to think in my way and move away from your own shoe and I even expect you to "take it easy"

 

4:44 PM

this is really unfair

 

4:45 PM

I should stand in your shoe to look at this social disaster

 

4:45 PM

so, shall we do in this way?

 

4:45 PM

you return the gift back to me

 

Anssi Järvensivu 4:45 PM

well not a disaster as such

 

Yang Xu 4:45 PM

we are good as nothing had ever happened

 

4:45 PM

would it be the best state for you to live with all objects around you?

 

4:46 PM

 

4:46 PM

am I getting wiser?

 

4:49 PM

If I had bothered to think what to choose for you, I shall also take care of the aftermath. not a big deal. The "awkwardness" is the favor I do for you for Christmas... It is all about appreciations and goods

 

Anssi Järvensivu 4:50 PM

well, while objects only world has its benefits, even people like me appreciate some tiny amount of other humans around  (edited) 

 

Yang Xu 4:57 PM

I see. I am even more convinced