素不相识
萍水相逢
看了 David 的爷们规则“The Guys' Rules”，俺先狂笑一阵然后回道: “姑娘们，咱们得想个更好的来回敬臭爷们！”
黛比姑娘不负众望，半小时不到就整出了这个......
The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
I know.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down
We need it up, you need it down You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
No. Let's face it, when each side needs it down, it is critical. Put the seat down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Fine.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
FIne. In fact, I don't want you there when I shop, I can't get away with the stuff I do if you show up.
1. Crying is blackmail.
Agreed.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! I know
Strong hints do not work! I know
Obvious hints do not work! I know
Just say it!
I do, and then I damn well better be heard!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question. Yes, however, in a relationship that you expect to maintain, the devil is in the details.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. No, male sympathy is different from female sympathy. Learn to listen and care. Buck up.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Agreed.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. Nope. That is just plain irresponsible.
1. If you won't dress like the
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. On this one, you lie. Always.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. Nope, step up to the plate and take a heartfeld stand. Mean it, and know that it will be heard as though you meant it. This is part of being an adult.
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. Agreed.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. You too. You guys gab way too much. Yackety yack yack. Gives me a headache.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. You already stated that in an earlier number 1 item. Please do this for us: don't repeat yourselves. Thank you.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
Fine. Just don't even act as though you know those colors. In fact, just stick to mentioning just the primaries.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that. Don't do it in front of me.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. We are always worth the hassle. No need to beat it to death, but follow up by checking in again later, OK?
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. Fine. Same goes for you.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really . Not to us it isn't.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf. Fine.
1. You have enough clothes. Wrong.
1. You have too many shoes. Wrong.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! Fine.
1. Thank you for reading this. You are welcome; I am glad we could clear things up.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; Sure you will.
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
