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A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.


After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.


I had no Monet


to buy Degas


to make the Van Gogh"


See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.


I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse

When I am a old lady

When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid,

And bring so much happiness...just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they've provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues

And I'll bounce on the furniture...wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
When they're on the phone and just out of reach

I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head

(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
When they cook dinner and call me to eat

I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat

I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table

And when they get angry...I'll run...if I'm able!

(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
I'll sit close to the TV, through the channels I'll click

I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I'll take off my socks and throw one away

And play in the mud 'til the end of the day!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh

I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping

And say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"
God Bless All Moms and Grandmas everywhere!

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She
presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known
proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.
It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.
Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that
these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1.
Don't change horses
until they stop running.

2.
Strike while the
bug is close.

3.
It's always darkest before
Daylight Saving Time.

4.
Never underestimate the power of
termites.

5.
You can lead a horse to water but
How?

6.
Don't bite the hand that
looks dirty.

7.
No news is
impossible

8.
A miss is as good as a
Mr.

9.
You can't teach an old dog new
Math

10.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll
stink in the morning.

11.
Love all, trust
Me.

12.
The pen is mightier than the
pigs.

13.
An idle mind is
the best way to relax.

14.
Where there's smoke there's
pollution.

15.
Happy the bride who
gets all the presents.

16.
A penny saved is
not much.

17.
Two's company, three's
the Musketeers

18.
Don't put off till tomorrow what
you put on to go to bed.

19.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and
You have to blow your nose.

20.
There are none so blind as
Stevie Wonder.

21.
Children should be seen and not
spanked or grounded.

22.
If at first you don't succeed
get new batteries.

23.
You get out of something only what you
See in the picture on the

box
24

.
When the blind lead the blind
get out of the way.

25.
A bird in the hand
is going to poop on you.

And the WINNER and last one!

26.
Better late than
Pregnant
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes something like this:
What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And now, what is over 100% ?
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass-kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass-kissing that will put you over the top !!!!!!

Don't you just Love it?!!!

股神”巴菲特自述：我为什么要捐掉99％的财富？

　　2006年，我曾作出承诺，逐渐将我持有的所有伯克希尔·哈撒韦股票捐赠给慈善基金。这个决定让我再开心不过。

　　现在，盖茨夫妇和我正在要求几百位美国富豪至少为慈善事业捐出50%的个人财富，所以我还是重新解释我的意图及其背后考量为宜。

　　首先，我承诺，在我有生之年或大去之际，我将把至少99%的个人财富捐献给慈善事业。以美元衡量的话，这笔钱诚然可观，但从相对价值角度出发，每天都有许多人向他人赠予更多。

　　有数以百万计的人常常为教会、学校和其他机构作贡献，从而放弃了原本可以用来惠及自己家庭的物质财富。他们对贫乞者的接济和给联合之路劝募协会的捐款，意味着放弃看电影、去餐厅就餐或其他个人享乐。相形之下，我的家人和我兑现捐赠99%财富的承诺则不需以牺牲需要或想要的东西为代价。

　　更何况，这一捐赠也不会让我放弃最珍贵的资产，即“时间”。有许多人，其中也包括我的三个子女，都为帮助他人奉献了大量时间与才华。这种赠予往往远比金钱更有价值。对一个在困境中挣扎的孩子来说，从一个充满爱心的良师益友处获得培育，远比得到一张支票更珍贵。我的姐姐桃乐丝每天都对一些人施以援手，我在这方面则做得很少。

　　而我所能做的，就是拿出一大堆伯克希尔·哈撒韦的股票凭证，这些“提款存单”变现之后可以换成各种资源，从而让那些没能抽中人生上上签的人获得些许补偿。

　　目前为止，我已经捐赠了20%的个人股票(包括来自我过世的妻子苏珊·巴菲特的股票)。剩下的股票，我会每年捐出4%。在资产清算后最迟10年，我希望我所拥有的伯克希尔股票能够悉数投入慈善事业。这些钱将不会用做长期性捐赠基金，我希望它们能用来解决人们的眼前需求。

　　拥有某些东西，确实能让我的生活更有滋味，但拥有过多反让我吃不消。我想有一架昂贵的私人飞机，但若拥有好几处房产，就会成为一种负担。很多时候，拥有越多财富，越会沦为财富的奴隶。我最珍视的财富，除却健康，还有那些幽默有趣、个性多彩、长久相伴的朋友们。

　　在这个国度，那些在战场上挽救他人生命者会被授予勋章，好老师会被回报以学生家长的感谢信，而那些能够发现公司股票错误定价的投资者，则会被飨以数亿资财。一言以蔽之，命运的安排反复无常，无人能确定谁会抽到上上签。

　　我和我的家人不会为我们的非凡好运感到罪恶，相反，我们充满感恩。假使我们把多于1%的财富花在自己身上，我们的幸福感和成就感并不会因此加强。然而，剩下的99%财富却能对他人的健康与福祉产生莫大影响。这一现实为我和我的家人指明了道路：留下的财富够花即可，其余则赠予社会，去满足更多需求。这份捐赠誓言，就是我们踏上慈善之路的开始。

~~~~~~~~~~~
曹操《短歌行》

对酒当歌，人生几何？譬如朝露，去日苦多。
概当以慷，忧思难忘。何以解忧？唯有杜康。
青青子衿，悠悠我心。但为君故，沈吟至今。
呦呦鹿鸣，食野之苹。我有嘉宾，鼓瑟吹笙。
明明如月，何时可掇？忧从中来，不可断绝。
越陌度阡，枉用相存。契阔谈咽，心念旧恩。
月明星稀，乌鹊南飞。绕树三匝，何枝可依。
山不厌高，海不厌深，周公吐哺，天下归心。

《三国演义》第四十八回有一段曹操横槊赋诗的描写。曹操平定北方后,率百万雄师,饮马长江,与孙权决战。是夜明月皎洁,他在大江之上置酒设乐,欢宴诸将。酒酣,操取槊立于船头,慷慨而歌。歌辞就是上面这首《短歌行》。
这是一首很有名的诗,苏东坡在《前赤壁赋》中就提到它,后来经过小说家渲染,更是家喻户晓了。但此诗究竟写什么？唐代吴兢说它“言当及时为乐”(《乐府古题要解》)。罗贯中则又给此诗蒙上“诗谶”的迷信色彩,说曹操“乌鹊南飞”诸句是不祥之兆,预示他赤壁之战的失败。这些说法都没有说到点子上,我认为还是清代张玉谷说得对:“此叹流光易逝,欲得贤才以早建王业之诗。”(《古诗赏析》卷八)陈沆也指出:“此诗即汉高《大风歌》思猛士之旨也。”

“对酒当歌,人生几何？……何以解忧？惟有杜康。”这是劝人及时行乐吗？诚然这是曹操对人生短促的感叹,但他不是因流年易逝而生贪生畏死之想,联系全篇来看,他感叹的是战争频仍,大业未成,因而产生一种时间的紧迫感,正如他自己所说:“不戚年往,忧世不治”(曹操《秋胡行》),所以他这“人生几何”的慨叹,并不软弱消沉,而是为了执着于有限之生命,珍惜有生之年,思及时努力,干一番轰轰烈烈的事业。魏源说得好:“对酒当歌,有风云之气。”

历来创业雄主深知一条成功之路,要治国平天下,首先要有经天纬地之能人。马上得天下的汉高祖唱《大风歌》曰:“安得猛士兮守四方!”这是他发乎其中的心声。此时曹操,“方其破荆州,下江陵,顺流而东也”,他更迫切需要辅佐自己打天下的人才。所以,当此月明星稀之夜,“酾酒临江,横槊赋诗”之时,不禁一吐其求贤若渴之情了。

“青青子衿,悠悠我心”,他仿佛是随口吟咏《诗经》中的名句。自续二句曰:“但为君故,沉吟至今。”便把本是女子对情人的深情相思,变成自己对贤才的渴望了。“呦呦鹿鸣”四句,是《诗经》中诚恳热情欢宴宾客的诗篇,曹操又信手拈来,表示自己期待贤者的热诚。“明明如月,何时可掇?”又把贤者比为高空的明月,光照宇内；可望而不可即,不由使人“忧从中来,不可断绝”。感谢“越陌度阡”远道而来的贤士们,屈尊相从,在今日的宴会上促膝谈心,真感到莫大的快慰！可是我知道还有大批贤士尚在歧路徘徊。他们像南飞乌鹊,择木而栖,绕树三匝,还没有最后选定归宿呢！于是,曹操对天下贤才发出由衷的呼唤:“山不厌高,海不厌深。周公吐哺,天下归心。”表示自己有宽广的政治胸怀,求贤之心永无止境,犹如大海不辞涓流,高山不弃土石一样。并且,他以礼贤下士的周公自励,号召天下贤才来归,开创一个“天下归心”的大好局面。这四句诗气魄宏伟,感情充沛,表现出统一天下的雄心和进取精神。在千古诗人中,只有曹操这样一位雄才大略、睥睨一世的人物才写得出来,也只有他能与之相称。至今读之,犹觉豪气逼人。

读者也许要问:曹操,世之奸雄也,果能有如此爱才、礼贤的胸襟？应该公正地说,历史上的曹操是一位思想解放的改革家。汉武帝罢黜百家,独尊儒术,造成了两汉文化思想上的僵化,董仲舒更倡导儒术与神学相结合的谶纬学说。曹操则对神学迷信,封建礼教等传统观念大胆怀疑,公开否定。从用人来说,两汉以通经、仁孝取士,曹操则提出“唯才是举”,重用“不仁不孝,而有治国用兵之术”的人。他抗声雄辩道:“夫有行之士未必能进取,进取之士未必能有行也。陈平岂笃行,苏秦岂守信耶？而陈平定汉业,苏秦济弱燕。由此言之,士有偏短,庸可废乎?”《三国志·武帝纪》注引魏书,说他“知人善察,难弦以伪,拔于禁、乐进于行阵之间,取张辽、徐晃于亡虏之内,皆佐命立功,列为名将。”他“外定武功,内兴文学”,“昼携壮士破坚阵,夜接词人赋华屋”。有一位擅草书檄的陈琳,早年曾为袁绍作檄文,辱骂曹操为“敖阉遗丑”(曹操出身宦官家庭),后袁败归曹,操谓曰:“卿昔为本初移书,但可罪状孤而已,恶恶止其身,何乃上及父祖耶?”左右劝杀之,操怜其才,不咎既往,加以重用。由此可见,上述曹操横槊赋诗抒发其一片爱才心意,感情是真实的,是符合他的为人的。陈子展教授《谈曹操》一文中评论曹操的诗“慷慨悲凉,千古绝调。……其诗之风格恰与其人之人格相称。修辞立其诚,迥非后世之独夫民贼盗国擅权,妄为豪言壮语、自欺欺人,终受历史裁判者所可比拟。此亦其在文学上别有造诣之一秘也。”