The card reads " I Love You More Than You Know" with a Christmas tree, gift box, and fire place.
He highlighted the words on the left:
" Sometimes
it's hard for me
to show you
how much I really care,
to say how much I treasure
each moment that we share.
Sometimes
it's hard for me to believe
that anyone could be
as caring and as wonderful
as you always are to me..."
He didn't highlight the words on the right:
"Sometimes
it's hard
to tell you
that I feel
the way I do--
for no one could ever
love someone
as much as I love you."
He highlighted the "Merry Christmas" underneath, and wrote more,
"Jen,
You have Filled my heart with so much happiness, and I hope someday you will know how much you mean to me. I pray that your heart is full of happiness this Christmas and everyday after...
I love you so much...
Dan"
He noticed I worn a different necklace right after he walked in. He asked,"You have a new necklace?"
I said,"No. It is an old one. I had it for years. Just some change."
Right before we went our separate way, he said, "I got to fix your necklace." He reached out, gently turned the hook to the back. He said,"This is bad luck." I said,"Oh. I didn't know that. So superstitious." and laugh.
It seems that he did care about me. But what is he really thinking/caring about? I really don't know and not sure. But I don't care.
He said he has a career goal now, and said he quit smoke for himself, not for me. Just wish that he could have a good life.
Later that night, he called me, said that his computer crashed so he couldn't send me the email he promised. He said he went to the dentist and was told that two teeth need to be pulled out.
He sent me two emails at 10:30 though. One was the MP3 file of "Thousands of years".
I had such an intense dream of you last night…most of the dreams I
have had lately have been negative, nightmarish. I woke this morning
feeling so happy though. I think seeing you last night left me wishful
and I thought of you as I fell asleep…I thought of just you and me in
our own world, without any thought of consequence, any thought of what
bad things could happen…random thoughts, I suppose. You were smiling
in my dream, and you were so energetic and happy. It became a very
passionate dream, and we were holding hands or touching the whole
time…never apart.
You seemed happy last night, but still reserved. Every time I come
close to you I wonder if I am being selfish. I can't help it when I
see you, I just find myself wanting to be closer to you, to feel your
breath on my neck, to smell you, to hear you breathe in my ear. I love
holding you tight against me, feeling your chest rise with each breath
you take. At that moment I wish I could stop time. I wonder how you
feel being close to me, and I become nervous, self-conscious and
afraid, wondering if you feel the same things. I think being apart
from you has served to make me more attracted to you, and I long to be
closer to you. I felt so frustrated last night, after seeing you…if
you only knew how badly I desire you…
After I gave you your card, I couldn't stand to see you read it. I had
to go to the restroom just to avoid seeing your reaction, for fear
that I would feel like you didn't believe what was written. I think I
feared rejection. It was actually funny when I bought that card, I had
stood so long at the store reading cards that I had to sit in the
aisle with a stack of other cards next to me…an old lady looked at me
and laughed, she told me "I am sure whatever card you get will be the
right one!". She smiled, telling me that she wished her own kids spent
as much time deliberating over the right words to say…I only hope I do
Anyway, I should get going. I have more to say but I have to get back
to my friends shop, and then to the dentist. You have no idea how
happy and grateful I am that you show me so much care and concern. It
makes me feel alive and happy…
Hope your night goes well, Jen.
Love always,
Not being able to see you is so very hard for me, especially
considering that I still dream of you...
Even though I stayed at Ken's last night, I did not really sleep well.
I love getting into a semi-conscious state, between sleep and being
awake, I find that I still have lucid thoughts that border on dreams,
only then I have somewhat of an ability to determine their outcome,
and length. It's almost like a meditative state, only I usually do end
up falling asleep most of the time...
I have been busy all day today, and I think I finally have a couple
hours to take a nap, one of my favorite guilty pleasures...can you
guess what I will think of? :)
I hope someday my desire for you can be fulfilled, that the happiness
in my dreams will come, that you and I can know each other at a much
deeper level...I love you always...
