正文
Hi, this is the first time that I reply to someone's post because I would like to share my experience with you for your reference.
For three years, I was in the same situation as you are today. But I was young at that time (long time ago, me 21 and he was 28, in China), I know that was abnormal, but thought that I could afford to see the ending instead of walk away. I never really tried to summarize this relationship until today since this was not something I am proud of.
Looking back, because of the age difference, I do not think he really loved me even though he said so once and told my professor once. He just kept all the options open, but I wanted to get married as soon as I graduate. He was an academic kind of person and might be suffering from an old wound. But I did not know the detail.
When finally it was the time for my graduation, he married his co-worker in a hurry and she just got her visa to study in US. He followed her step and came here after three months. During that three months, we met a couple times unexpectedly on campus. At that time I was a new graduate student. He said to me that a girl like me can pick anyone in the graduate school, which I think that was part of the reason why he did not feel that much guilty.
Because of this, I felt very un-secure and was only comfortable to date someone even older than him (hoping more mature than him). And, I was fortunately to meet such a person and marry him in 6 months, because I was tired and really wanted to get married. And, we came to US three years later.
When I became 28 years old, suddenly I thought that I could forgive him. Because I know how much difference there was even inside me between 21 and 28. If I were a 28-year man, I probably will not risk a bright future and wait for a 21-year girl, especially under the circumstance back in China.
Well, your situation might be slightly different. But, bottom line is he is selfish (nothing too wrong with it, I assume) and he wants to keep the options open. You two are just in two different stage of your life, and the priorities are different.
For three years, I was in the same situation as you are today. But I was young at that time (long time ago, me 21 and he was 28, in China), I know that was abnormal, but thought that I could afford to see the ending instead of walk away. I never really tried to summarize this relationship until today since this was not something I am proud of.
Looking back, because of the age difference, I do not think he really loved me even though he said so once and told my professor once. He just kept all the options open, but I wanted to get married as soon as I graduate. He was an academic kind of person and might be suffering from an old wound. But I did not know the detail.
When finally it was the time for my graduation, he married his co-worker in a hurry and she just got her visa to study in US. He followed her step and came here after three months. During that three months, we met a couple times unexpectedly on campus. At that time I was a new graduate student. He said to me that a girl like me can pick anyone in the graduate school, which I think that was part of the reason why he did not feel that much guilty.
Because of this, I felt very un-secure and was only comfortable to date someone even older than him (hoping more mature than him). And, I was fortunately to meet such a person and marry him in 6 months, because I was tired and really wanted to get married. And, we came to US three years later.
When I became 28 years old, suddenly I thought that I could forgive him. Because I know how much difference there was even inside me between 21 and 28. If I were a 28-year man, I probably will not risk a bright future and wait for a 21-year girl, especially under the circumstance back in China.
Well, your situation might be slightly different. But, bottom line is he is selfish (nothing too wrong with it, I assume) and he wants to keep the options open. You two are just in two different stage of your life, and the priorities are different.
评论
目前还没有任何评论
登录后才可评论.
