温哥华失眠夜
嬉笑怒骂皆成文章
男人篇
男人喜欢女人整个群体，但不喜欢某个女人。女人讨厌男人整个群体，却喜欢某个男人。
While men love women as a group but find it hard to like them individually. Women despise the race of men but like them as individuals.
所以，谁缺了谁都不成！
男人用前半生来养成那些毁掉下半生的嗜好。
A man spends the first half of his life learning the habits that shorten the other half.
（晚年的浑身病痛，原来是为少年的轻狂放纵付出代价呀！）
结婚前，男人会彻夜不眠回味你说过的话。结婚后，你的话还没说完他已经呼呼大睡。
Before marriage a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage he will fall asleep before you have finished saying it.
未婚男人不完整，已婚男人则彻底完蛋了。
Man is incomplete till he is married, then he is finished.
男人能得到什么就要什么。女人偏偏得不到什么要什么。知足常乐，欲壑难填。
What man wants all he can get. What woman wants all she can’t get.
六十岁以下的男人通常喜欢电器。六十岁以上的男人通常喜欢酒气。刚好六十岁的男人呢，一边喷着酒气一边捣腾着电器。
Men under sixty usually like anything electronic. Men over sixty usually like something alcoholic.
拿了“维多利亚的秘密”产品简介的男人，如果说他是为了读里面的文章，那肯定是在撒谎。
Men who tell you they read the “
年纪越大不见得越成熟。他们只是格外有钱而已，而这就让他们显得格外成熟。
Older men are not more mature. They just have more money, which makes them appear more mature.
女人觉得男人浅薄，有关男人的一切，可以全部写在一枚大头针上，还有足够的空间当电话黄页。相反，男人觉得有关女人的一切，却是一言难尽，罄竹难书。
I could write what I know about men on the head of a pin and still have room for yellow pages.
一个男人的药品柜可以让你了解他的一切。看他是不是同时吃伟哥和泻药的。
A man’s medicine cabinet will tell you everything you need to know about him.
研究表明，男人通常睡在床的右边。他们连睡眠都是无出其右的。
Research has shown that men usually sleep on the right side of the bed. Even in their sleep they have to be right.
男人在48岁以前若是个悲观主义者，那叫老成。48岁以后还是个乐观主义者的话，那叫无知。就是说，年轻的时候该怎么疯就怎么疯。年老的时候才当愤青不迟。
The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; a man who is an optimist after 48 knows too little.
男人活得比女人开心。首先，他们结婚的早，其次，他们死的也早。丢下个烂摊子让女人们收拾去！
Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry late; for another thing, they die early.
我终于相信，让父亲进产房，是战后婴儿潮终结的唯一原因。这么有效的计划生育措施应该在中国和印度大力推广。
I finally believe that letting father into the delivery room is the single reason the postwar baby boom ended.
骑士风度就是觉得你娶的女人比你泡的那些好。
Chivalry is the notion that the girl you married is better than the ones you go out with.
他送给女友一幅自己照片的拼图，这样她可以慢慢熟悉他的脸孔。
He sent his girl a jigsaw photo of himself so she could get used to his face gradually.
男人如果从未在一张陌生的床上醒来，看到一张永不会再见的脸，那他还是欠缺了点啥。
A man has missed something if he has never woken up in an anonymous bed beside a face he’ll
never see again. 哥们儿，这是一夜情的最佳借口！
