潇洒人生路
人的一生最重要的是自由和随之而来的责任。
正文
在美国，跨族婚姻很普遍。与亚洲人通婚的白人多是男人和亚洲女人在一起，而亚洲男人同白人女人在一起的例子不是很多。从这些白人女性所讨论的内容来看，白人女性对亚洲男人还是有好感的，但也有一些偏见。比如说，身才不够高大，性方面不能满足白种女人，脾气不好，老一辈对儿女干涉太多，宗教不同，下一代教育问题等等。比较严重的偏见是在性方面。一是亚洲男人的SIZE不够，二是亚州男人对性的过分要求。难听点儿说，就是性心有余而性力不足。但这两点，对于同亚洲男人有性经验的白人女人来说，都是不成立的。她们都同意，跨族婚姻最重要的还是要看两个人的感情，这一点，可以看出天下女性的宽容谦让的共性和对感情方面和睦的追求。
以下是在一个美国网站的论坛上，一个在和中国男人恋爱的犹太姑娘发贴而引起的讨论。她想知道其他人对白人女性同亚州男性相处有什么看法。回贴的人很多，有白人，黑人，拉美人，还有在北美出生的亚洲男性和女性。因篇幅太多，只选择一些有代表性的白人女ID回贴。
比较有意思的是一个俄罗斯姑娘PINKLACES的回贴，文中透露出她对亚州男人说到做到的欣赏和对学校里美国男生乱搞和亚州女生乱睡的鄙视。
还有一个有趣的现象是一些在北美出生的亚洲男孩和从移民来的亚洲姑娘的态度。因篇幅太长，没有登在这里。但他们的观点很有意思。这些在北美出生的亚裔男生回贴中反复强调他们是如何与其他亚洲男人不同，他们是如何身强力壮，只喜欢白人女孩，不喜欢亚洲女孩。他们认为因为他们和白人女孩生长在一起，容易沟通。而亚洲女孩太懦弱，听话，没主见。反之，从亚洲移民来的女孩则大赞亚洲男人勤劳吃苦,重视家庭,爱自己女人的美德。
再有一点可以看出，美国网站论坛里成人们之间讨论问题时就事论事所表现出的成熟和礼貌。这一点值得所有参加中文网站论坛的网友们学习,包括我自己。
Luv2Me
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Hi there. I'm currently in my first interracial relationship. I'm white and Jewish, and I'm dating a Chinese guy.We have a lot in common... in fact, I'm taking Mandarin Chinese (unfortunately he speaks Cantonese, but no matter) and started even before I met him. I'm studying East Asian Studies in university, and so is he. We've got a lot in common, and my parents accept him (although they wish he was Jewish) and his mother really likes me.I rarely see other couples like us, though... usually it's an Asian girl with a white guy. I'm wondering if there's anyone else like me out there?
Lethe
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Hey Luv2Me,There are other white female/Asian male couples, though I agree, I don't see many wandering the streets, either. I'm pretty sure there are several on here...My fiance is Korean-American, and I'm a Dutch/German -descended Midwestern girl. I'm not entirely clear on why the disparity between AF/WM couples and WF/AM couples exists, though I've heard a lot of theories about it, ranging from the reasonable to the insane - someone once warned me in all seriousness that Asian men's penises were too small to satisfy a white woman (and NO this isn't true, duh). I've also been warned that they were all inherently sexist (also untrue). But then again, with these kinds of stupid questions wandering around, no wonder... --Lethe.
shanshiyi
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I understand that situation you mentioned coz white girls are usually slightly bigger and taller than some Asian guys so it doesn't look compatible to each other. ANd usually bigger girls want to date guys who are bigger or taller than them.But In Hong Kong, I witness many White girls date Chinese -look guys as many as White guys date Chinese -look girls. Chinese guys in university- days are still slim but they will become physicially bigger after 24 or 25. They can be compatible to white girls then.P.S. My male friends go to high school in the US and they all did once and some still are dating White girl-clasmates. Probably teenager girls do not care about body size.
Luv2Me
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Hi there! Thanks for the replies. I know that there's a stereotype of Asian men's penises being smaller (which isn't true, as far as I know)... and I know that on a whole, Asian men are shorter/smaller than white or black men, which might be an issue to some women. But I'm 5'4" and average to slim (size 6-8) and at my age, there aren't many guys, including Asian guys, who are smaller than me! My boyfriend is 5'6" and actually has a quite nice, broad-shouldered build and is quite a bit larger than me.Glad to hear I'm not alone, though. Oh, and as for the whole "all Asian men are sexist" thing... my guy treats me a million times better than I've ever been treated by any other guy in my life. He's a treasure sweetie-pai, why don't your parents accept you dating an asian man?
Lethe
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Sweetie-pai:I was the one who posted that stereotype - I've heard it before, especially after I started seeing my fiance. Stereotypes of course have nothing to do with actual people and I think they have everything to do with the ideas people have pinned on the "other" so they can escape how those ideas show up in their own lives.I referred to those blanket statements because they were so obviously untrue, and sometimes it's easier to just laugh...I don't know about the height thing - there are a lot of short white women and tall Asian guys. It doesn't seem like enough reason to me, but my fiance's 5'10" and although he's not built hugely or anything, I'm 5'6" and he's noticeably larger than I am (which is a nuisance when I'm trying to tickle him).I'm also sorry about your man's parents, sweetie - do you have to see them very often?--Lethe
Kudarina
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About the stereotype, that's all it is; a stereotype. It's not true. I am engaged to a chinese guy and he is of perfectly normal "size".And either way, why should "size" matter? If it's true love, it shouldn't make a difference.Well, you are certainly not alone on this one. I am in the EXACT position as you only I am a white Christian; not Jewish ^.^Unfortunetly, I have lost a lot of respect for his father through out this relationship. He has not only made me feel like crap but has insulted my own mother as well. One thing I have learned about Asian men (And this is in NO way meant to be a racist comment) is that they have very short, quick and nasty tempers. I don't mind his mother; she is extremly nice. But I'm not to fond of his father. I can only hope my Fianc'ee doens't turn out to be like that. Does anyone by any chance have the same problem as me or know what I am talking about? Please speak up if so that way I will know I am not alone on this ^-^;;;
Lethe
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Hi Kudarina,I know you said you didn't mean it to be racist, but aren't you generalizing a bit by saying that all Asian men have short tempers? That seems more likely to be a family thing.My fiance has a long, long fuse, for example - much longer than mine. Once he does get angry, it's a bit of a disaster (me too, to be fair) but it takes a while, and his father is the same way. (So is my father, for that matter). When I asked him what he thought of this statement, he said he could think of several guy friends with nasty tempers and several without, and he didn't see it as universal at all, but individual.And I don't want to touch the beginnings of a "size does/doesn't matter" argument with a ten-foot virtual pole.... --Lethe
Kudarina
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I think you are both a little confused on what I said. I neither stereotyped nor contradicted myself in that statement. Please let me explain what I meant. First of all, I would like to state that I have known many asian people over my life time and the times that I have witnessed them angry it was almost frightening and yes this DOES include my Fianc'ee. He too has a very bad and nasty temper. The difference between him and his father is that he knows how to control it. What I meant by I hope he never grows up to be like his dad is that I hope he never treats people the way his father does. In my lifetime of meeting and getting to know people of all different cultures, some of the Asian's I have met have been the nicest people I have ever known. Anger is an emotion that all Human's have and some of us have different ways of expressing it and dealing with it. Arrogance is not. With all do respect, please think very carefully about what you read before you respond =)
Kudarina
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I'M easily insulted? Sorry my friend, but for your info, I wasn't insulted at all. I was "clarifying" myself as you so asked. You're right, this is an open forum and an open forum does call for all people to put their input in. But you took my first post the wrong way and if you had taken the time to think about it, perhapes you would of seen what I was getting at and you wouldn't of been so offended. And you obviously were otherwise you wouldn't of typed that three page report about how disrespectful people are to other cultures - something that was completly away from my topic and wasn't needed in your response to me. As for your remark "if you are so easily insulted,maybe you shouldn't be posting here" why don't you practice what you preach.
Luv2Me
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Oy vey, people, cut it out! As for the "Asian guys have bad tempers" thing, I can personally attest that my boyfriend has a VERY slow temper, and even then, he doesn't have much of one. He grew up without a father figure and with a mother who was very stirct and borderline abusive with him, as was the rest of his family. Because of that, he's learned to put up with a lot and he does everything in his power to make sure he DOESN'T treat anyone else the way he's been treated in the past.Anyway, can we not fight anymore please? It's totally non-productive.
pinklaces
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I fell in love with a asian guy in my mid twenties. I am a Russian American, came to the states during high school. I thought American men (white guys) would be gentlmen and heros. Boy was I wrong ! I stopped dating for a few years then accidently met my current boy friend. A asian guy about 14 years older (and wiser then me). And just to set things straight, he wasnt chaing young skirts, I chased him and it took almost a year to get his attention. As for the negative rumors. I know exactly where they start from. They start from white guys who are jealous and are perpetuated by asian girls who don't want to share asian guys with other girls. Several asian girls (classmates) started taking a interest in me just after I met my boy friend. They did nothing but try to discourage me from dating asian men by saying those exact rumors. Ladies, if you haven't lived in Europe you don't know yet what sexist men really are!!!! And as for the white american guys, they are exactly the reason why I left the dating seen for several years. They just cannt hold their ****s in their pants. Sleeping with every girl they can, especially asian girls. My last white boy friend was sleeping with over 20 asian girls while he was dating me !!! For a while I really hated asians, but this characteristics don't seem to extend to the asian males as I found out. They are a lot more work, family and home orientated then white guys. If my asian boy friend says he'll be home for dinner, he will be home and if he says he is studying at the library, surely enough he is. Just one thing, his mom isnt too crazy about the idea of a white girl dating his son... sigh... my dad on the other hand is dancing for joy I am not dating a russian guy. Figure?!?!? But then again my dad worked for Nasa and is considered a genius, so who am I to second guess him. I am sure we'll be getting married soon. Knock on wood I dont screw anything up.
SadSadSonia
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Umm Umm, well I can't say that I am white. I am hispanic, born in Houston, Texas, of spanish decent, parents from Mexico. In college, I dated a vietnamese guy for 3 years. Though I never met his parents, he met my mom, and my mom loved him, still does! After him, I dated another vietnamese male. He was much taller and more built, 5'8", more american. I am about 5'3". I dated him for about 2 years, met his mom, she was very polite. Though she was nice to me, I am sure she preferred I were vietnamese. This second guy never met my parents (mom). I am currently single. In my opinion, the most important thing in an interracial relationship is the way the two individuals feel about each other. When it comes down to it, if two people really care about one another, parents, friends, and other issues are unimportant. The only thing that matters is love! With that, you can go anywhere!----------
总的来说,在一个以男人处于主导地位的世界上,女人身上出现的问题实质上是男人自身问题的折射;正所谓:有什么样的男人就有什么样的女人!
glass_view:
"因不瞭解或文化差异..." 这话不着边际,很有点"党八股"的味道; 以在下所经历的案例(14年里71件),白男亚女(或外男亚女)的配制当中,男方99%有过一次以上的婚史,其中37%有缺陷---生理或心理(according to court paper);寻求跨种族(主要是跨境)婚姻的主因是control;而女方的动机则多种多样; 这类婚姻更像是交易,而世上的交易成功的要点之一是:双方势均力敌; 任何婚姻,无论种族/文化异同,剥离了感情,出现问题是必然的,就好比日升月落---早晚的事;
soccerman:"中国女人是中国男人的不幸?(with some exceptions) SIMPLE AS THAT"
Wow! 我的意思是: WOOWWW!!! Agree!(双手加双脚)
这观点暗合了一个真理: It always's somebody-else'fault! 还应该加上:Chinese women(with some exceptions) suck, chinese men don't!
不过,这样的思维方式只会有一个结果:到头来中国男人除了身材与生殖器,其它一切都很短小! 这简直就是现今中国社会的写照?
说到器官,为什么MM们(包括那些为男友辩护的)普遍关注size? Climax实在是基于技巧,不是吗? 想必是遇人不"淑"(这世上簑男蠢汉本来就多),同情一下!
To noso: 流览你的园地实在是一种享受,就象是...没得形容;谢了!!!
可是没读出你个人的见解啊?
本周最受欢迎的博客
1. 俺那所谓的生活：五千集
2. noso： 潇洒人生路
3. 远方的河：【远方的河】
4. 小8毛：小8毛的博客
5. 北方憨哥在北美：北方憨哥在
link:
http://cn.bbs.yahoo.com/message/read_overseas_482096.html
谢谢你的评论。But not exactly as you translated.
SEXIST这个词我还专门跟一个白人女性讨论过，据她说，这个词是指对对妇女的歧视，其理由则是妇女是低男人一等，是下践的，是男人的玩物。引申而来就是妇女要随时随地听男人的摆布，满足男人在性上的任何要求。对于西方妇女来说，这些要求是过分的。论坛里发帖的人用这个词的时候是在讨论亚洲男人SIZE问题，所以我理解为她们主要还是在辩论亚洲男人性要求和性能力的问题。当然，可以翻的更全面些，加上歧视妇女这部分。
I wrote my comments and posted here on 06-09-07, aladding.com copied it without my permission on 06-10-07.
Thanks for letting me know.
http://members.lovingyou.com/showthread.php?s=5cba93134c01be15b1fdf6b5e090b839&threadid=11649&perpage=15&pagenumber=3
I know that because my husband is a white guy who is very nice and talented.
北方憨哥：整啥啊，有空上家喝酒去啊。
GLASS-VIEW：同情那些女同胞。
hey3G: yes. 人往高处走，水往低处流。无可厚非。
ggww: I can't say you are wrong, because it really happens to some people.
read: yes, money always talk.
pbsize: thanks for answering rejoicesong's request.
abee: thanks.
din: freedom of speech. : )
强势民族/文化的女人倾向于不找弱势民族/文化的男人
中国人目前还比较弱势，再过20年可能会有不同
喜欢你对涉外婚姻的这种宽容态度，其实两个人生活在一起，真的和种族没有太大的关系，决定在一起一辈子的时候，其实两个人的互相容忍和性格很重要。
http://news.wenxuecity.com/messages/200706/news-gb2312-414426.html
伴随异国婚姻的增多 美国华裔妇女常成家暴受害者 中国日报
在美国华裔家庭中，伴随异国婚姻的增多，因不瞭解或文化差异造成的家庭暴力事件越来越多，一些从中国嫁入美国的华裔妇女，也常常成为受害者。
据中国日报报道，亚太妇女中心分析，近年来圣盖博谷华裔新移民家暴问题中，来自中国的华裔妇女所面临的各种类家暴案件增多。包含难以举证婚姻基础、假结婚家暴、没有英语语言与谋生能力等问题。家暴定义，除了打架外，包括精神上、语言上的虐待，金钱、行踪等控制，都相当难以举证。有些妇女嫁到美国后，并没有为自己的婚姻留下任何证据，丈夫为所欲为，而无法保护自己。有些人在受到家暴后，才知道自己没有办理加州政府批准的结婚证书。具备美国身份的丈夫，会利用法律漏洞不给妻子申请结婚证书。
亚太妇女中心的专家同时提醒，为拿身份而采取假结婚或是假家暴，也是不可取的。「证明其有恋爱基础与否，也是很大的问题，」专家表示：「跨海结婚来美的中国妇女，多数都不会保留自己与丈夫在交往期间的照片、情书等，因此在两年绿卡申请期间，由于法官不断要求举证有婚姻基础的证据，使得受到迫害的中国妇女，常常还未能出头就挫羽而归，又碍于面子不愿意回中国，导致在美国无家可归。」
一位从中国北方来美的家暴受害人表示，现在仍旧害怕个人资料洩露，会遭到前夫的迫害。她说，5年前，她一嫁入美国，丈夫给她定下了各种规矩，受到虐待与暴力。其夫还经常恐吓她，不让她对外讲家中的事。她不会讲英文，也不敢出门。后来她不堪虐待，打了911。警察来问过之后，她就被赶出了家门。在大街上流浪了一阵子，她找一份中文报纸，联络到亚太法律中心，从而得以进入亚太妇女中心庇护所。后来她在妇女中心帮助下学习语言，在没有翻译的情况下，一举考下了美容美发执照。现在，她有了自己的家，开始了职业生涯。她希望通过讲出自己的故事，来回报社会对她的帮助。
Your points are well taken. Compared to white people, both Asian men and women, especially Chinese men and women, are reserved. Sometimes we are just too nice to say no, which is considered to be weak in America.
Also, there is an equation of supply and demand in this case, in which a lot of Asian girls are looking for white guys for all kinds of reason, and a lot of white guys want to have Asian girl friends or simply just have sex with them.
So many young women are in the sex business in Southeast Asia, which attract white men from the entire world. Many girls in China are even worse; they throw themselves at whitemen, regardless of their ages.
I read an article written by an African woman. It is about her experience as a black woman in China. She says, before she went to China, she thought Chinese women were the hardworking role models for all women in the third world countries. She was very disappointed when she saw so many young Chinese girls would kiss any Whiteman’s feet just to have sex with him so they can get out of China or show off to their friends. She felt humiliated for being a woman when those Whitemen told her how easy it was to sleep with a Chinese virgin.
While there are so many "rumors" about Asian guys being short of sizes and inherently sexists, just think about what Hollywood has done to Asian dudes, it is just not cool to date an Asian guy to many white girls, unless they really want to marry one of them.
Make no mistake, I am not against interracial relationship at all. Matter of fact, I think it is great. If two people love each other, that is all that matters. I wish all the best to our sisters who have married to their love ones from other race
http://members.lovingyou.com/showthread.php?threadid=11649