sheenwei

我在耶和华的手中要作华冠,在我父神的手中必作为冕旒
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神的作为

(2010-09-05 19:44:29) 下一个
我近来和先生关系非常好,常常奇怪为什麽以前我老是挑剔他,觉得他是鸡肋呢?今天和朋友聊天,无意中提起我的2个转变,再次惊叹神奇妙的作工。

我和朋友说我以前常常和先生为2件很小的事情争吵,谁都无法原谅谁,近来神戏剧性地改变了我,我完全从反对党身份变为保皇党。朋友很喜欢我的分享,愿神也能借我的文字触摸你的心。

1我的头发

我的头发很多,掉得也多,且处处留发。先生经常在地上捡我的头发,且强烈抗议菜饭里的青丝。我最听不得先生抱怨的话。我几乎包揽了家里全部的家务。他游手好闲,偶尔捡2根头发还废话啰嗦。我觉得地上有头发有什麽关系。古人还送头发私定终身呢。清朝入关时还颁布留发不留头的政策呢。可见头发多珍贵!我从来不清扫卫生间里,沙发上,床上或餐厅里我的头发,因为我觉得一缕缕青丝可以见证我生活艰辛,营养不良,心情欠佳,需要关怀。而先生则视之为不讲卫生的农妇行径。我们为头发开战已经是家常便饭。直到有一天早上,我推着吸尘器忙不迭地到处吸头发,而老公不停地催我快出门,不然赶不上7点40分的火车了,我才意识到不知道从什麽时候起,我变得见不得地上有头发,我一看见就要吸,哪怕是早上赶时间。老公问我:“你是不是搬到自己的新家就变得爱干净了?连头发都肯收拾了?”。 我自己知道是神在不知不觉之间改变了我,我都不知道什麽时候开始的,因为什麽原因。我只知道我现在一看到地上、床上、沙发上有头发我就觉得很扎眼,非得把它们弄掉才舒服。为此小小改变,我们夫妻间冲突少了很多。

2 绅士风度

除去头发之外,我和先生唇枪舌战较多的就是绅士风度问题。先生强调我和儿子一定要为后边的人扶门。他认为这是基本的礼仪,反映一个人的素质和教养。我一直不以为然并强烈反对他为身体健康、年轻力壮,手无寸铁的人无缘无故地扶门,有时候人家还在十步之外,看见他扶门等待,还不得不加快步伐赶上来。所以我只为身后紧跟的人略撑一下门。为此,先生常常训我并引申到我工作上的种种不如意。他常说:“你那麽自私,门都不肯为人扶一下,谁会喜欢和你一起工作呢?” 我每次都暴跳如雷,把崇洋媚外,吃里爬外,东施效颦等帽子都扣在他头上。我说:“你在家里一根手指头都不动,在外面给洋人扶门一副奴才相。你懂什麽是绅士风度,你就是伪君子!”。因为每次一起出门,都有扶门风波,儿子都学会了调解,自动走在最后,把我夹在中间,以免发生我把后面的行人关在身后,我与先生再互相恶言相向。

我上班后第3天,到三楼餐厅取了饮料和食物,下楼吃早餐。(单位一、三、五提供早餐)我左手拿着盘子,右手拿着杯子,紧跟在一位男士身后,他开了门,我忙说谢谢,以为他会为我扶门。谁知他在身后将门重重一关,我毫无防备,被门撞个正着,奶茶撒了我一身。我恼羞成怒,心里痛骂前面没人性的人渣。就在我怒不可遏的刹那,我的心里有一个很温柔的声音对我说:“你想别人如何对你,你就当如何对别人。” 我的怒气就在那一刻消退,我马上对神说:“天父,我错了,下次我一定帮别人扶门。”

自此我再也没有为扶门的事和先生起冲突。为我扶门的人也越来越多,在每一个一、三、五的早上我双手满满的时候,总有绅士或淑女及时为我打开门。我的心,感恩不已!
 
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sheenwei 回复 悄悄话 You are so afraid of dying alone. Your deeply hidden memories of a fearful birth make you suspect that your death will be equally fearful. You want to be sure that you won't cling to your present existence but will have the inner freedom to let go and trust that something new will be given to you. You know that only someone who truly loves you can help you link this life with the next.
but maybe the death you fear is not simply the death at the end of your present life. maybe the death at the end of your life won't be so fearful if you can die well now. Yes, the real death- the passage from time into eternity, from the transient beauty of this world to the lasting beauty of the next, from darkness into light - has to be made now. and you do not have to make it alone.
God has sent people to be very close to you as you gradually let go of the world that holds you captive. You must trust fully in their love. Then you will never feel completely alone. Even though no one can do it for you, you can make the lonely passage in the knowledge that you are surrounded by a safe love and that those who let you move away from them will be there to welcome you on the other side. The more you trust in the love of those God has sent to you, the more you will be able to lose your life and so gain it.
Success, notoriety, affection, future plans, entertainment, satisfying work, health, intellectual stimulation, emotional support- yes, even spiritual progress - none of these can be clung to as if they care essential for survival. Only as you let go of them can you discover the true freedom your heart most desires. That is dying, moving into the life beyond life. You must make that passage now, not just at the end of your earthly life. You cannot do it alone, but with the lobe of those who are being sent to you, you can surrender your fear and let yourself be guided into the new land.
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