南山松

阳光明媚清风起,微波荡漾碧蓝天。
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周末一笑:竞赛(转载)

(2016-10-08 10:52:58) 下一个

1 竞赛/Competition

Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Jon?

Jon: I won it in a race.

Bill: How many people participated in it?

Jon: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!

比尔:你从哪儿弄来的金表,乔?

乔:我赛跑赢的。

比尔:有多少人参加?

乔:三个人,一个警察,手表的主人和我!

2 狗的坏习惯/A dog’s bad habit

As a professional animal trainer, I was disturbed when my own dog developed a bad habit. Every time I hung my wash out on the clothesline, she would yank it down. Drastic action was called for.

I put a white kitchen towel on the line and waited. Each time she pulled it off, I scolded her. After two weeks the towel was untouched. Then I hung out a large wash and left to do some errands. When I came home, my clean clothes were scattered all over the yard. On the line was the white kitchen towel.

作为一名专业的驯兽师,我对自己的狗养成的一个坏习惯感到很苦恼。每当我把洗好的衣服搭在晾衣绳上时,它总会猛地把衣物全扯下来。对此,我必须要采取严厉的措施。

我在绳上搭了一条白色的厨房毛巾,每当它把毛巾扯下来时,我就会训斥它一顿。两个星期后,它再也不碰毛巾了。于是,我把许多洗干净的衣服搭在晾衣绳上后,就出去办事了。等我回到家时,洗好的衣服分散在院子的各个角落,只有那条白毛巾依然搭在绳子上。

3 快速逃命/A hasty retreat

After a week's absence, a mountain man staggered home, clothes torn, shoes worn thin. He was exhausted.

"Where have you been?" asked his wife.

"I went out in the woods." Replied the mountain man, "and a giant bear stepped out in front of me. I took off running ahead of him and finally lost him. I never ran so fast in my life."

"But that was a week ago." Said the wife. "Where have you been since?"

The mountain man collapsed in a chair. "Walking back."

离开家一个星期后,那个登山人摇摇晃晃地回到了家,他的衣服也破了,鞋底也磨薄了,他本人更是疲惫不堪的样子。

“你到哪儿去了?”老婆问。

“那天我到森林里去,”登山人叙述着,“忽然一只大熊出现在我的面前,我拔腿就跑,熊就在后面追,好不容易才把它甩掉,我这辈子从来没有跑这么快。”

“可是那是一周前的事了,”他老婆说:“后来你到哪儿去了?”

登山人瘫在在椅子上说:“往回走啊!”

4 大吃一惊/A surprise

We had just moved into a new school district, when brother was invited to a surprise birthday party. He didn't want to go, however, because he couldn't recall ever meeting the birthday boy.

"Ridiculous!" said my mother. "If he didn't know you, his mother wouldn't have invited you." And with that she packed him off to have a good time.

When Dave came home, Mom wanted to know how it had gone.

"Well," he said glumly, "We got there and everyone hid behind a couch. Then, when the boy came in, we all jumped up and yelled, 'SURPISE'. And he pointed straight at me and shouted, 'Who is he?'"

我们刚刚搬到一个新的学区,我哥哥就被邀请去参加一个惊喜生日聚会。他不想去,因为他无论如何也想不起曾见过那个过生日的男孩。

“莫名其妙!”妈妈说:“如果他不认识你,他妈妈是不会来要邀请你的。”说着,妈妈就把他送出了门去享受一个快乐时光。

大卫回到家后,妈妈很想知道聚会开得怎样。

“怎么说呢?”他无精打采地说:“我们到会后,大家都藏在一个沙发的后边,等到过生日的男孩一进屋,我们就跳起来喊:“给你一个惊喜哟!”这时,他直直地指着我问:“他是谁?”

5 正在播放《白雪公主》/Snowy White is on TV

One day a customer called to a service representative at a cable-television company. She complained about the reception on the Disney Channel.

"Tell me what is wrong with it," the representative said.

She replied, "It's all snowy white."

"That's right." We're right now playing the Snow White.

一位顾客给有线电视台的负责部门打电话,她抱怨了有关迪斯尼那个频道的接收质量。

“告诉我出现了什么问题?”负责人说。

她说:“电视上一片雪白。”

“这就对了,我们正在播放《白雪公主》。”

6 墙衣太厚/Too many coats

After a two-week vacation, a man returned to his office and one of his fellow workers asked him what kind of time he's had.

"I spent the whole two weeks helping my wife paint the rooms in our house," he groaned.

"Does she do that often?"

 "Well," came the reply, "when we moved in a few years ago, the guest room was nine by twelve. Now it's eight by eleven!"

两周的假期后,一位男士回到了办公室。一个同事问起他假期是怎么过的。

“我花了整整两周的时间帮我老婆粉刷房子的所有房间。”他叹着气说。

“她经常刷房子吗?”

“你问这个呀,”他答道,“几年前我们搬进那座房子时,客房的面积是9X12英尺,现在它的面积是8X11英尺了。”

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阅读 ()评论 (26)
评论
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '阳光96' 的评论 :
阳光好,刚看了你的新贴,好有才,周中快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '人間的盒子' 的评论 :
问好盒子,周中快乐!
阳光96 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈,周末没空,现在到你这里笑一笑。。。
人間的盒子 回复 悄悄话 都蛮好笑的,谢谢。
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '吃出健康' 的评论 :
问好健康,新周快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '花甲老翁' 的评论 :
花甲老翁好! 嗯,第一个不打自招了,训狗不容易啊:)
花甲老翁,新周快乐!
吃出健康 回复 悄悄话 周末忙,错过了松松的笑话,刚看到,很有趣。新周快乐!
花甲老翁 回复 悄悄话 第一個人真坦白,反而馴獸師要跟狗兒學習呢?
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'SnowFallingOnWater' 的评论 :
雪花好! 笑一笑十年少:)
雪花,周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '疏影笑寒' 的评论 :
疏影笑寒好! 又见到你了,真高兴:)
疏影笑寒,周末快乐!
SnowFallingOnWater 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈。。。还是在松松这儿读读笑话,笑意笑,轻松一下。周末愉快
疏影笑寒 回复 悄悄话 有趣的jokes!
谢谢松松的分享!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'spot321' 的评论 :
点点好!嗯,小偷腿脚利落.被熊追的人方向错了,估计事后腿软得都走不动了.狗狗只认白毛巾啊:)
受狂风影响笑话还是发晚了,谢谢点点惦记,周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'momo_sharon' 的评论 :
默默好!嗯,这两个有意思:)
默默,周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '小声音' 的评论 :
哈哈,小小好!看来小小跑得非常快~
谢谢小小惦记,飓风过去了真是让人高兴:)
小小,周末快乐!
spot321 回复 悄悄话 小偷跑得够快的。被熊追得晕头转向,那个人跑错了方向啊。聪明的狗狗记住了那条白毛巾,别的就记不得了。~~~小松的周末一笑没有被狂风吹走,是我来晚了。:(( 祝周末愉快!合家安康!
momo_sharon 回复 悄悄话 第一二个最有趣!
松松周末愉快!
小声音 回复 悄悄话 哈哈,松松,如果哪里有类似 1 中的竞赛赶快告诉我,我很想得奖耶:))
看见松松一切平安,来电了,又能上网了很高兴,松松周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'cxyz' 的评论 :
cxyz好! 周末快乐!
cxyz 回复 悄悄话 周末开心一笑。
谢谢松松分享。
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'erdong' 的评论 :
哈哈,东东好!only one shown up,谁参加谁有奖:)
东东,周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'womaninhome' 的评论 :
家MM好!主人真是过高地估计了狗:)
家MM,周末快乐!
erdong 回复 悄悄话 第一个就让我笑起来了!
有一次我们乘游轮,那时儿子还小,报名攀岩比赛(给孩子玩的那种),报名时人还挺多。下午比赛时他得了第一名,奖品是一件T-shirt。有个爸爸看到很遗憾地说,他们给忘了时间没参加。又问一句,最终几个人参加?偶不好意思地说,only one shown up :-D
womaninhome 回复 悄悄话 好开心啊,那个狗好可爱,不会依次推理,只有人才会这样,非常好笑。
南山松 回复 悄悄话 哈哈,正放《白雪公主》呢,问好菲儿,周末快乐!
菲儿天地 回复 悄悄话 5哈哈,周末来看松松家的笑话!
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