College Essay 系列 (二十四)：主题藤文My Channel

这是一篇2022年的爬藤文书。作者是一位就读公立磁校的亚裔男生。

先来读读文章：

《My Channel My Community》

（1）Hours deep into battle with the legendary beast, a highly torqued berserker known as the Crankshaft Pulley Bolt, my arms plead for respite, but my holy spear Rhongomyniad, a polished steel breaker bar, refuses to penetrate the at-minimum 500 foot-pound tetanic aegis that is the scorched coating of rust on the bolt. Sprays of WD-40 seem only to temper the bolt, like the enchanted Sword of Gryffindor growing stronger with exposure to poison. I reach for my spell breaker, a DeWalt impact driver, set to max, I am a warrior, and I do not intend to hold back. Like Excalibur, I wrench the bolt from its threaded asylum.

（2）Extracting my treasure, I turn to the camera and flash a toothy grin. “I'm Aiman, and I just showed you how to remove this stubborn crankshaft pulley bolt! Thanks for watching!" I am no King Arthur- rather, I am starring in a YouTube video, teaching viewers how to service their cars. In other videos, I would show them how to cultivate marvelous gardens, prepare ambrosial traditional Malaysian dishes, or construct formidable wooden edifices. I may not be a hero or legend, but each of my videos feels like an enthralling fable, a pan of a quest for learning that I have been journeying on since before I can remember.

（3）I started my YouTube channel, E******n, when I was in third grade. My dad picked up on my knavish proclivity towards stealing his phone to film random videos of myself, so he helped set up a YouTube channel for me. My first few videos were blurry vlogs, origami tutorials, and Pokémon Trading Card Game guides, and I presented as clumsy, awkward, and aimless. Back then, my channel was just something to mess around with, but over the next few years, E******n became an integral part of my identity.

（4）I cherish E******n as my community's Great Library of Alexandria. In vlogs, we preserve our cultural heritage, immortalize memories of our gatherings, campouts, and parties, and share our Malaysian traditions with others. I will always remember the video where my friends attempted to speak Malay, and we all tried to say, "Aww! Kucing telah mencakar saya!" which meant, “Oww! The cat just scratched me!" My sister and I will always remember the video where we sampled the Malaysian King of Fruits, durian, and had fun agonizing over its terrible taste, and I am grateful for the fact that no matter where my siblings or friends go in life, we can always find our roots through the videos we saved on E******n.

（5）Our Malaysian community has always been there for my family. When my dad lost his job, my parents were stretched thinly, emotionally and financially, to support seven children. My siblings could not afford books for studying, could not attain Up-to-date technology, and could not pursue their passions for music or sports. We could barely afford food and clothing, and we would have lost the house without the generosity of family friends who donated clothes, money, and time to support us. I will never forget their kindness, and I owe it to my community to reciprocate that same kindness to others.

（6）Through E******n, I want to share myself with others: I want to honor my stalwart community, show people my life Experiences, and make those experiences more accessible to others. Nowadays, I use the filmmaking skills I developed through E******n to create videos for the Yale Peabody Museum of Natural History to expose younger audiences to science topics ranging from geology to invertebrate paleontology, and in the future, I hope to continue bringing E******n with me wherever I go. I want to continue Helping, educating, and inspiring people, because while we may not be heroes of prophecy slaying Crankshaft Pulley Bolts left and right. everyone has fought their own battles, everyone has conquered their own beasts, and everyone has an important story to tell.

++++++++++以下是网友回复猜测+++++++++++

• 你被那个 MIT 韩裔小哥抱怨啦！ -run2022- ♂   (232 bytes) (184 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 21:23:15

• 第一印象文章一般般啊…… S？ S最不容易预测。如果说他扫了的话一定不是因为作文。我的两分钱 -60MPH- ♀   (0 bytes) (9 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 21:29:28

• S难预测，在我们这里收的两次都是一般普通女娃，去年还行收了小中男 -bobpainting- ♀   (0 bytes) (20 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 21:57:44

• 既然是first generation的话，应该横扫了吧。 -phoenix05- ♀   (0 bytes) (9 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 21:33:23

• 他说first generation American, 不是first generation college. -60MPH- ♀   (0 bytes) (4 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 21:50:46

• 不错的文章！只是大多华人娃难得有这种经历，7娃家太少见了^_^ -小牛妈-- ♀   (0 bytes) (6 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 21:52:00

• 猜测哈佛，耶鲁，哥大 录取 -bobpainting- ♀   (0 bytes) (10 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 21:53:12

• H, Yale? -smilingheart- ♀   (0 bytes) (4 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 22:10:00

• 横扫了吧。。。 -水清沙白- ♀   (0 bytes) (5 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 22:17:52

• 这个stats应该是 -米汤- ♂    (0 bytes) (49 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 22:36:12

• 只看essays没法判断。对一些人来说，只要essays不出差错可能就足够，况且最后 -Numero- ♀    (231 bytes) (112 reads) 12/01/2022 postreply 04:00:06

• 同意。不可能仅凭essay录取学生 -ahawater- ♀   (0 bytes) (1 reads) 12/01/2022 postreply 06:42:48

• 凭这essay，我就不录他 -avw- ♀   (0 bytes) (0 reads) 12/01/2022 postreply 06:49:12

• 同意， 大部分被录取的就是文书没拖后腿 不出错的状态。 和推荐信一样 -XIAXIA36082- ♀   (0 bytes) (1 reads) 12/01/2022 postreply 07:08:20

• 猜S,Y,D -晓曦- ♀   (0 bytes) (1 reads) 12/01/2022 postreply 04:20:00

• 前两段写的很好， 但是后面几段就一般了， 两个人写的？ LOL -jingzhumama- ♀    (0 bytes) (3 reads) 12/01/2022 postreply 05:46:12

• 前两段是大学文科生写的，后三段是家长写的 -avw- ♀   (0 bytes) (0 reads) 12/01/2022 postreply 06:56:08

• 这个essay就是BS。诉苦不要说没衣服穿。鄙视下这为人 -avw- ♀   (0 bytes) (1 reads) 12/01/2022 postreply 06:48:12

++++++++++申请结果揭晓+++++++++

Harvard-A，Stanford-A，Yale-A，Princeton-WL，UPenn-WL，Columbia-R,  Brown-R,  Dartmouth-R,  Cornell-R

+++++++++++ Stats 和ECs +++++++++

Demographics: Malaysian American (Muslim), 1st Generation American.

Stats: UWGPA-4.23 (4.0), Valedictorian SAT-1580 ACT-36, 7 APs (5-5s and 2-4s).

ECs: Interpreter museum, class President, YouTuber, President math club, VP urban research club, Member science fair, Member debate club, Designer yearbook.

Awards: Yale Book Award, NMS semifinal, Raytheon Excellence Award, AP Scholar.

+++++++++++ 简评文章 +++++++++

这篇文章读后感：

1. 开篇Handyman的情节，很少见，Surprise。上一次我读到这个类型的情节，还是五年前在纽约时报的年度College Essay里，一个威州大的女生从小跟父亲一起HVAC的经历。首段丰富的比喻，用词生鲜。当AO认真读第一段的时候，他们会认为Handy主题继续发展下去，这已经可以预期到是一篇很好的Essay。这一段的读感是Surprise.

2. 第二段， I 进入摄像头，用词继续生鲜。从Car Service 转到 YouTube，在加上自制马来餐，让主题内容丰富了。但是，主题丰富给读者的潜意识，是他在转移。第二段虽然还不至于说出有什么不好，但读者潜意识的预期跟着会变了。Handyman的惊喜感，对Malay这个少数族裔文化感，并不产生直接的潜意识Synergy。这一段的读感是Dilution和URM Target.

3. 第三段，flashback 自己油管频道的初始。偶然的开始，整段都没有读出前两段里的handy和Malay内容元素，读这段文字的感觉，几乎就是要浪费一段了，然后在最后几个字上提出identity来。读者的潜意识自然落在Malay，第一段的handy就被潜意识忘了，虽然在意识里还有。这一段的读感是nothing.

4. 第四段，进入community的叙述。Parties，家人，朋友。有Malay Food，但只是Taste，第二段的Cooking 元素并没有发展了。留下唯一的Malay，是可以和前段有关的概念。引号里加的一句马来语，是个少数裔文书常用手法。这段的读感是 softly Malay。

5. 第五段，用Adversity和Gratuity，进一步发展Community的主题。读者到这里的潜意识，被文章一个又一个的概念挤进挤出，handy--youtube--cooking--Malay--identity-community--adversity--? 读者的一个个期待，被作者忽略和转移实现，那么接下去你还能期待什么？你也不知道该想啥了。潜意识：硬着头皮读下去吧。

6. 第六段，用video回馈Community了，让信息accessible。Yale Peabody 这是在强 cue Yale，因为这个跟Malay Community没有直接关系。Community给了我Youtube素材，我从Youtube学会skill，用这个Skill帮助Yale Peabody。这在读者潜意识里，不像是回馈原来的Community，倒像是在拍Community以外的Yale马屁。

这一篇，不是Winning Essay。即使Stats足够，但挑剔的中小藤都没录他。而大藤里的HYS，收到的申请里如本篇作者这样URM背景且足够实力的人很少。需要，就产生录取。所以，HYS录了，P也WL了。