With What Eyes
The very act of writing was one of vanity.- Paul Valéry
绕了大半个中国，终于又回到北美。在敦煌莫高狠狠爱了一把，知道了什么叫情有独衷。那样的一个地方，你不可能不爱它。Chanel 说 “There is time for work. And time forlove. That leaves no other time.”而敦煌正是那么样的一个地方，蓝天白云黄沙绿树，你将放下生活中一切不必要的人与事，去享受工作与爱情的奢侈。那是绝对的奢侈，绝对的舒心与快乐，即便有挫折，即便每日必须在烈日下黄沙上行走，在掩埋白骨、满是尘土的洞窟里爬来爬去，也觉得那根本算不了什么。说到奢侈，luxury must be comfortable，comfortable as if you are nake，否则就谈不上是 luxury. So is love.所谓爱情的折磨，其实只不过是因为不爱。我所寻找的那种舒适，其实是一种归属感 (belongingness). This is where I belong: I belong to something that is worthy of my time. Something greater. 现在想来，最适合一个人的事业与爱情必然是能够让你感到最舒心、最快乐的，就像赤裸了脚，穿一双 DJPliner的小牛皮鞋，走在Bloomington落了红叶子黄叶子的石板路上，或是傍晚在莫高窟遗址前，红着脸，安安静静看太阳下山，看沙漠与山丘的脊背裸露在夜幕下，看现代人修复古迹的灯火逐渐打开了幽暗的窟门，又遮掩了去。
十日之后，离了那里，一路流水如下：在 Princeton看猫，看花，替朋友伴唱“When I am laid in earth”。歌唱完，她告诉我打算转行念法学院，让我好一阵郁闷，郁闷完一笑，其实又何必？有些东西，无论你做些什么，永远不可能改变。今年是 Juilliard百年校庆，替Dr. Yessin 缅怀了师祖 Ms. Lhevinne，顺带在 Met Opera House看了Bolshoi Ballet的三幕舞剧Spartacus，有些失望，Vorobiev的舞是好的，Vedernikov指导的音乐却少了罗马民族特色，听起来不外是俄罗斯作曲家擅长的浪漫主义弦乐，有黑管的地方还勉强能应付过去，其他则全靠服装布景撑场面，群舞编得也有些过了火，总觉得不当。Met Museum二楼的中国展厅内原有我喜欢的郑板桥的竹，现被傅山的一幅狂草所代，异曲同工，仍是对我胃口。Chanel的纪念展览在一楼一个小小的角落，藏在一个个黑色屏风里的是蕾丝、No.5，和举止幽雅的老太太，不远处，是古代埃及公主们的服饰。懂得享受时代气息的女人，懂得适度拒绝的女人是可爱的，不是么？
It has been a revealing summer. My best to everybody.
It is time for me to go back again. to see the stars in the desert, in the open sky, where none but my own eyes are there to refelct the images of distance in light. I love this life of mine. I bless my parents for allowing me to pursue what I am born to do.
And someone ask if I understand the human nature to appreciate love and lust; and I said, for those that understand the nature of man - the true nature and its power, they will appreciate love and lust greatly. Yet for those who cannot understand the nature of man nor our relationship within this world, they will see nothing but love and lust.
