苦笑集

杭州市长春药店
昨天电话里说起河坊街的变化，让我想起很多年前的一个台湾同胞。他在解放路买了多瓶茅台后来到河坊街同济堂附近买中药。看见一大店挂牌“杭州市长春药店”，和边上一小铺挂牌“女儿花拍卖当铺”，他大叫道“我真没有想到杭州比台湾还开放！”。你猜他怎么想，反正谷歌翻译没翻成mayor的春药店，也没说卖女儿的

What a F..DAY
There were lot of snow this morning and the 5:50 bus did not come, when the bus came, it showed
F..DAY 6 :14 4/4/14 (FukDAY 留点要死　死／死／要死)
After I pulled the handle, it read
S.... REQUESTED(爱死 REQUESTED).

What a F..DAY!!!

文革讲话
我是毛主席。                                                          -- 惊哑声
派我来的，是来搞妇女。                                       -- 惊哑声
工作的，一个人一支枪(gun also means dick)。   -- 大大掌声
这是不可能的，俩个人一支枪。                           -- 失望 然后 掌声
这是办不到的，三个人一支枪。                           --大失望然后小 掌声
也是木头做的。                                                      -- 完全失望没有 掌声

毛诗歪评
北国风光，千里冰封，万里雪飘。that's cold
望长城内外，惟馀莽莽；大河上下，顿失滔滔。pee's frozen?
山舞银蛇，原驰蜡象，欲与天公试比高。pee couldn't go that high
须晴日，看红妆素裹，分外妖娆。girls are coming!!

江山如此多娇，that one is so charming,
引无数英雄竞折腰。that I would beg for
惜秦皇汉武，略输文采；唐宗宋祖，稍逊风骚。yea,but girls don't care about your education
一代天骄，成吉思汗，只识弯弓射大雕。don't aim at my vice president!
俱往矣，数风流人物，还看今朝。I quit!!

《春晓》新解
春瞑不觉晓， in the morning after a long night,
处处闻啼鸟。 girls are chirping at the door.
夜来风雨声， heard screaming at night,
花落知多少 many of them turn into ladies.

《春夜喜雨》新解
好雨知时节，a good man know when to wet his lady,
当春乃发生。he does so at her spring time
随风潜入夜，sneaking into her room,
润物细无声    raining her without noise

六四语录
紫阳：我老了，无所谓，你们还年轻，来日方长。
小平：武警就是公安干警么。
李鸟：必须旗帜鲜明地反对动乱。
尚昆：我们把部队开进北京的首都，实在是没有办法的，是万不得已的。

邻居孩子都笑小强蠢
邻居孩子总戏弄小强愚蠢，他们最喜欢的笑话是给他在５分镍币和一角硬币之间选择。有一天在他挑了５分镍币后，一孩子把他拉到一边说：“强，这些男孩都在取笑你。你知不知道镍币虽大但只是５分，而那小的却是一角？”小强咧嘴一笑说：“如果我拿了角币，他们会停止这样做。到目前为止，我已白拿了20美元！”

Drive License Test
A red neck got an accident with his truck and had to retake the written test in order to get his license back. The tester asked him in which language the test should be, he reply America. The tester went back for long time and came back "I'm sorry letting you wait for so long, it's really hard to find one written in American" ,then she gave the paper to him. He looked at it and asked "What language is this?","American, do you ACTUALLY want it in English?". He said "We Amican do not speak English, we speak America!"