一朵浪花
信马由缰
Contents
昨天(18日)在880/brokaw 附近高速路天桥上一个人跳下来了，18日一个印度裔男子自杀，16日一个自杀. 另两人族裔未知。
我们伤感生命的流逝。更加警觉我们应该做些什么使我们的Teen 更好的面对压力。
Teen从童话世界出来，慢慢接近真实的成人世界。狼来了。
可能来自父母：“Don’t disappoint me, clean up, hurry up, finish this, do your homework, go out for the team, practice your music, try out for the school play, do your best, stay out of trouble, make more friends, don’t ever try drugs”
来自朋友：“How’d you do on the test, try this, prove you’re not a loser, don’t hang out with them, don’t wear that”
甚至来自自己：“I need to lose weight, build my muscles, wear the right clothes, get better grades, score more goals, show my parents I’m not a kid anymore.”
可能：
- Watching parents argue
- Figuring out how to be independent
- Feeling pressure to get good grades
- Thinking about the future
- Being pressured to do something you know is bad for you, like smoking
- Not being good enough at sports
- Worrying about how your body’s changing
- Dealing with sexual feelings
- Worrying about neighborhood or world problems
- Feeling guilty
(above from ref5)
挫折教育就是Fostering Resilience, 或者 Stress Inoculation。 其理论基础如下，“A series of studies on animals indicated that small and brief exposure to stressors can contribute to the development of repair mechanisms that protect against the impact of subsequent, more“
intense stressors (Calabrese & Baldwin, 2002).“（ref1）
“In both medical and attitudinal inoculations, a person’s resistance is enhanced by exposure to a stimulus strong enough to arouse defenses and coping processes without being so powerful that it overwhelms the individual.” (ref1)
我们可以 有意识的让孩子接受一定程度的轻微的，不真正伤害的挫折（各方面定义），让孩子的生理，心理都作适度的调整。“based upon deliberate and controlled exposure to stress，increase stress tolerance by deliberately using intermittent intervals of stress exposure, oscillating with periods of recovery and rest。”（ref4）
“exercise stress should oscillate, so that they resemble the up-and-down of stresses in real life. The intermittent stresses should be intense to the point of discomfort, but never painful. And the use of intervening periods of “active rest” and sleep are equally important for recharging.”(ref4)
“research indicating that, whereas chronic, sustained stress leads to depletion of the stress hormone norepinephrine and elevation of cortisol, intermittent acute stress, followed by recovery, allows for increased tolerance and resistance to norepinephrine depletion.”(ref4)
“让孩子及早懂得“失败是生活的组成部分”这个道理。倘若不去引导孩子，便是让他在一种虚假的、破坏性的优越氛围中长大成人，认为自己的孩子完美无缺而加以 溺爱是不足取的。我们和自己的孩子都必须学会以失败为师。每一次我们付出努力而没能成功时，我们都可以从中得到一些对我们本身和我们的行动方式具有宝贵价 值的教益。掌握对待失败的能力，是成长和成熟的一项重要内容。我们日常生活中会听到“久病成医”，久病的人已经能成为医生，经常接受挫折和失败的磨炼，在 心智和耐力方面的锻炼已经足以使我们抵抗任何“病菌”的侵袭。让孩子知道要是希望忘记挫折和过去，就不要怨天尤人，而要做些实际工作。在成长的过程中，每 天都经受一点小挫折的人，经过多年的磨炼，会具备一种在困境中生存的能力。无论出现什么样的灾难，他们都不会像茅草屋遇到暴风雨时那样容易被摧垮。” (ref8)
STRESS IS THE STIMULUS FOR ALL GROWTH
“我们在培养孩子面对各种挫折的同时，一定要给孩子关于生命的教育，珍爱我们的生命，享受人生中的起起落落，不断感悟人生、充实生命。” (ref8)
"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get" -Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump.
作为父母，需要多陪伴孩子，使孩子感觉到爱。记住，Teen brain theory 说判断控制部分最晚发展成熟。光靠说道理，理智的为孩子安排未来，孩子未必能够理解。因为他们的brain is not in that stage yet. 所以更多的靠他们能够接受理解的方式，拥抱，告诉他们父母爱他们，花时间和他们在一起，，。 当孩子受到挫折，困难，苦恼，他们能够来找父母谈，或者父母能够观察到。就能够帮助孩子渡过。
很多事情可以做，鼓励孩子enjoying life and living life to the fullest. （ref10）
“Be a go-giver, not just a go-getter. Sure it’s nice to accomplish things and make lots of money. In fact, it’s really nice. But that’s not enough for anybody to feel extraordinary for the long-term. What gives you fulfillment is doing things beyond yourself, contributing to others and the world around you.
Be happy person. This sounds over-simplistic, but happiness is always a choice. Suffering NEVER comes from your external conditions. Suffering always comes from the meaning you give things. Just be aware that unhappiness only comes from your own thoughts. Be aware of this and you’ll spend much more time enjoying life and living life to the fullest.” (ref10)
加州得天独厚，我们有上帝赐予的礼物，阳光，可以 fight stress. 我们需要做的，就是 叫孩子每天做15分钟室外活动。
研究发现“levels of serotonin—a neurotransmitter that regulates appetite, sleep, memory, and mood—are lower during the winter than the summer.“
” More sunlight meant better moods; less sunlight lead to symptoms of depression.“
“Going outside for 15 minutes at the same time every day, preferably in the morning, tells your body that it’s no longer nighttime. Sunlight that’s unhindered by sunglasses will reach the brain’s pineal gland more easily and signal it to stop releasing melatonin.“ (ref7)
“Exposing your skin to the sun to get vitamin D enhances your mood and energy. Generally, a little bit of sun exposure is linked to a better mood, while tanners commonly report feeling more relaxed than non-tanners. One research study showed that β-endorphins increase after sun exposure, and β-endorphins make you feel good!” (ref11)
在太阳底下不要时间过长。
Ref1: http://melissainstitute.org/documents/stress_inoculation.pdf
Ref2: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_toughness
Ref4: http://gettingstronger.org/2010/01/toughness-training/
Ref5: http://www.fosteringresilience.com/what_is_stress.php
Ref6: http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/features/what-stress-does-to-body
Ref7: http://www.healthline.com/health/depression/benefits-sunlight
Ref8: http://edu.people.com.cn/n/2013/1230/c122736-23980358.html?from=groupmessage&isappinstalled=0
Ref9: http://www.ferris.edu/colleges/university/eccc/positive-mindset.htm
Ref10: http://www.wikihow.com/Live-Life-to-the-Fullest
Ref11: https://www.vitamindcouncil.org/health-conditions/depression/
