与尘共舞~~~~~~
我喜欢尘的品质。喜欢它的静：沉稳，低微，持重，久远；喜欢它的动，飞扬，狂舞，自在，漫游......
正文
我这样疏导大女儿的忧愁
作者：与尘共舞 （2/2/2015）
我家老大今年九年级。我发现，自去年秋开学以来，她无忧无虑的笑容少了，隔三差五的叹息多了。为啥？
上高中前，我家老大一直就近入学，品学兼优，健康骄傲，快乐自由。可她周围的华人朋友，除了上私立的，基本集中在本市最好的一所公立学校就读。女儿自愿参与竞争，逼着我给她报名，结果录取了。可自从上了这所高中，她的生活便发生了翻天覆地的变化：
第一, 就近上学时，她每天早晨可以高枕无忧到七点半；而现在，每天六点就得爬起床。
第二, 这里华人孩子的数学都超前。我家没有花钱给孩子课外补数学，所以，老大到了学校，才知道比别人拉了几门课，便自学起ONELINE的数学课，压力很大.
第三, 这所高中的作业特多，女儿每天回来，除了吃饭，就是学习，几乎每晚搞到十点十一点，疲惫不堪。
上高中前，我家老大一直就近入学，品学兼优，健康骄傲，快乐自由。可她周围的华人朋友，除了上私立的，基本集中在本市最好的一所公立学校就读。女儿自愿参与竞争，逼着我给她报名，结果录取了。可自从上了这所高中，她的生活便发生了翻天覆地的变化：
第一, 就近上学时，她每天早晨可以高枕无忧到七点半；而现在，每天六点就得爬起床。
第二, 这里华人孩子的数学都超前。我家没有花钱给孩子课外补数学，所以，老大到了学校，才知道比别人拉了几门课，便自学起ONELINE的数学课，压力很大.
第三, 这所高中的作业特多，女儿每天回来，除了吃饭，就是学习，几乎每晚搞到十点十一点，疲惫不堪。
这样的生活，算算也持续近半年了。这不，今晨起床，她又不支声了，一个人坐在阴暗的沙发里打盹。我问她睡好了没有，她也不说话。临出门前，她突然说：“I hate everything related to academics. So many work. I hate it.”
我很震惊：女儿心里，一定酝酿了很多我不明了的东西。
上路后，我开了暖气，从后视镜里看见她懒懒地醒着，觉得很心疼：女儿啊，你开始长大了，而长大，就是这么不容易啊！于是，我决定疏导她：“Nancy, you look so pressured. You need to learn to relax. Maybe, you take too much.” 女儿这学期选了大学的一门课，法律的一门课，工作量都很大。
“I can’t. There are so many things to do. How can I relax? I don’t have time for what you said.” 女儿不相信地说。
“I can’t. There are so many things to do. How can I relax? I don’t have time for what you said.” 女儿不相信地说。
“You can. You can relax right now. Enjoy this ride and learn to appreciate. Look, Nancy, the park.”我指指路边的公园：很美，晨雾缭绕，朦胧如梦。
女儿没有说话。但我看见，她侧过了头，在看，也在听。
“Now, you have chosen to come to this school. You must learn to enjoy everything you do.” 我小心切入。
“How? Some of the subjects I don’t even enjoy, but I just have to do it.”女儿倒出了她的苦水。
“Why?” 我想知道。
“Because they help you build a good resume, and a good resume leads you to a good
college.”女儿深沉地说。
college.”女儿深沉地说。
“What’s the use of going to a good college？”我故作不懂。
“Because a good college leads to a good job.”女儿给我上课。
“Not necessarily. ” 我小心地否定。
“I mean, at least it enhances the chance of getting a better job.”女儿修正道。
“I see. Then, that means you truly believe what you are doing is the best for you.” 我放心了：因为，女儿知道为自己的前途操心了。
她肯定地点点头。
“Then, is there a better way to handle the stress you are experiencing?”我问。
“I don’t know. For me, it just feels better to let out my stress and anxiety. ”女儿直言不讳。
“But, it may not be the best way to mature.”我指的是女儿一遇事，就急躁的脾气。“From my experience, depending on what kind of situation you are in, you can handle stress differently.”我开始和她分享自己的体验。
“The first kind, you can control the situation. It’s easy. If you don’t like something, you simply don’t have to take it. ”我干脆地说。
“But I don’t have the choice but to take these lessons.”女儿一下就看清了自己所处的形势。
“That’s the second kind of situation. And, unfortunately or fortunately if you will, most of us are in this kind of situation: do something out of obligation. If you are obliged to take something, then you have to learn to enjoy it, enjoy every moment of it. Once you put your heart into doing it, you will forget it is boring.” 我真心地说。
“OK.” 女儿点点头，似乎在体会我的话的含义。
“Look, Nancy.”我又指着路边的一棵树说。
“What?”
“Look at that tree. It is cold，yet it still has to stand up straight. Look at those bird nests. Feel pitiful for those birds. They are cold, yet they still have to fly out to get food. Life is not easy, not just for human.”
“Ah......yes, I remember when we lived in the suburb, there was a nest in our pear tree......in the front yard......It was so cute......”不知不觉中，女儿开始进入放松的状态了---她开始给我讲她童年捅鸟巢的故事了。
......
女儿的故事讲完了，我做了总结性发言:“Really, at the moment when we start to feel blessed, our stress and anxiety start to fade away. We are blessed because we can ride in this warm car, we can enjoy the morning scenes; you are blessed because you are good enough to go to the best high school in this city, you have the opportunity to learn the unknown, and ......” 我诡秘地笑笑，补充道：“you have this mother to listen to your complaint, and to quarrel with you.”
女儿也笑了，表示同意。
学校到了，女儿背起沉重的书包，放出一声叹息，道:“OK,mom. Have a good day.” 啊 ，今天，女儿竟然给了我祝福！她大步向人行道走去，我冲她喊道：“If you feel heavy, look up into the sky. It is unlimited up there.”
女儿回首，向我挥了挥手，回应道:“I know.Thank you, mother .”
女儿回首，向我挥了挥手，回应道:“I know.Thank you, mother .”
你的女儿是自推孩子，你并不需要太多担心。不过，我建议你让她不要给自己太大的压力，削减了一些课程。我儿子选课当然有点少，所以他很放松，但下学期，他决定选择更多课。
我儿子也是9年级，晚上9点前完成每天的功课，然后看体育频道电视，吃水果,晚上10点上床睡觉.只有一次做功课，直到晚上10:30,很生气,抱怨压力太大.
我应该分享你的女儿的故事给他,哈,哈,哈,哈.看看谁的压力更大...
沉迷自我的 美
展喉歌唱的 醉
琢磨不定的 叹息
纯洁无暇的 眼泪
有时 不经意
有时 太在意
尽情也尽心
却不总尽意
也许
这是一个女孩
拥有的
花季
你是一个很善解人意的妈妈,更多的沟通，将有助于你的女儿.生命是一个旅程,让女儿享受她的学习,并不是一切都旨在常春藤.florence001 说话有道理.可以参考参考.
my friends' daughters:
A. went to gift school,( also big public school) 95% asian american kids, majorly chinese kids and india kids. so much homework and study, asian kids are killing each other( on study) for fighting get into ivy league. no matter how many kids get 2300 to 2400 full score in SAT. the ivy league school only pick 3-5 kids in each public high school.
A 's mother pull her out in the last year high school, sent her to near by american public school with majority are white kids. she went to complately different environment, survived and thrived . she is wonderful 羽毛球手，made into American national team . she became two clubs president in the big american public school. she was accepted by MIT last year. her mom told me she picked the new sports in school and partys everyday. and interned in the wells sreet stock market this sammmer . she found this oppunity by herself.
B.
a girl was A' s long time classmate, they went to the gift school together. no sports( no need for sports) study is her full time job.
was accepted into another ivy league school.
the first year in school ,there are a lot of stress and presure. she suffered 失眠症 。can not deal with her american roommates. her parents went to her school,( from west side of the country) renting a room in the nearby hotal , pull her out sometime to have a better one night sleep.
失眠is the major sign of depression as we know.
my suggestion for B is that 休学一年，to make up some lessons , sports and social life .
only book and homework, plus tons of nerds, 一个女孩没有花季。
when my daughter had chance to go to such an 95% asian kids school,(gift school) we decide not send her , we keep her in big public school, less than 20% asian kids school, she can join in the school sports team, stays in an american school environment. she is a top student, self-movtivted . we are pretty happy with her stay in such school.