Wrestling with God
Sometimes you may be impatient with God; for example, you may feel He is too slow to respond. The Bible says, The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. (2 Pet. 3:9) Occasionally you may find yourself doubting God or quarreling or wrestling with God. God still welcomes you. But you must never abandon Him. When in doubt, repeat again and again, as God has said to us, "I will not dishonor my promise or alter my own agreement." (Ps. 89:34)
Meditating about God and loving and obeying God are activities of faithful submission. But not all of us get there without doubting, questioning, testing, and even quarreling, much the way that Job proceeded: "So I won't keep my mouth shut, but I will speak from the distress that is in my spirit and complain about the bitterness in my soul." (Job 7:11) Wrestling with God may be noisy and disturbing and that, too, is wonderful. You get to God either way. You may be crystal clear in your belief in God and passionately, deeply, and intimately know him. Or you may be equally clear in your belief in God's absence and passionately negate Him. Either way, your passionate engagement with God will bring you close to Him.
God reassures you. The true believer obviously doesn't question the validity of this statement. It may seem a little strange to assert that negating God may bring you close to Him, but that is how God works. Push Him away; He will pull you in. The more passionate your negation, the more powerfully you'll be pulled in. Just let it happen.
Believing in God isn't only a spiritual or religious matter. It is all encompassing. If you don't believe in God, it is quite likely that you don't believe in humanity either: most likely you doubt the loyalty of your spouse, the honesty of your partner, the genuineness of your friends.
The path to God is through a small, narrow gate. It demands sacrifice, resilience, and determination. Enter through the narrow gate because the gate and road that lead to destruction are wide. Many enter through the wide gate. But the narrow gate and the road that lead to life are full trouble. Only a few people find the narrow gate. (Matt. 7:13-14) You cannot be a part-time, "quantified" believer. Some people become believers when they are in trouble. They or a loved one may be ill; they may have suffered certain losses and tragedies. Such "rainy-day believing" tends to be inauthentic, especially if the person reverts to indifference after the crises is resolved.
You cannot be a "qualified" believer either. Some people qualify God's scope: "I believe in the Creator but not in eternity." "I believe in compassion, but not for everyone." Such conditional belief is not belief in God. You need to believe in God totally, all the time, everywhere, and in every circumstance. The Spirit gives nothing to you until you give everything to Him. God says, "When you look for me, you will find me. When you wholeheartedly seek me, I will let you find me." (Jer. 29:13) Then you will be offered the purpose of your life-your Holy Purpose.
T. Byram Karasu, M.D. is the author of The Spirit of Happiness
