The term "tough love" is so valid today, that it has extended outside treatment circles and therapy into today's modern lexicon. A layman's version is that you remain kind, but firm on a position or issue where you may have influence.
Since we may well spend more of our waking hours at work that we do with our loved ones, it stands to reason that the tough love concept holds tremendous value in ourworkplace interactions.
One study my firm, Lynn Taylor Consulting, released this week affirms this need to be cordial at work, yet stay true to one's own focus and self worth, perhaps even one's "self preservation."
We found that employees spend a staggering 19.2 hours during the week (13 hours during the work week and 6.2 hours on the weekend) worrying about "what a boss said or did." The national study was conducted by an independent global research firm and conducted among 1,000 adults over 18.
The research illustrates the tremendous drain that a manager's words and actions can have on the minds and work product of its most valued asset - people. With spilloveranxiety on weekends reaching 3.1 hours a day, this further underscores how critical the boss/employee dynamic truly is. Particularly during this period of high unemployment and a lingering recession, childish or poor managerial behavior can easily go into overdrive.
The situation overwhelming and distracting to employees, many of whom choose to stay mum rather than attempt to modify behavior or even communicate their feelings. It's assumed that only a boss can practice "tough love" because, after all, don't they entirely control the relationship? Isn't it a one-way street?
The savvy employee knows otherwise. "Managing up" is a phrase that has been with us for over a decade. "Parenting without patronizing" is a phrase I prefer, because there are empowering, strong parallels between being a great parent - and an employee who is savvy office diplomat.
Putting Tough Love "To Work"
Being tough doesn't mean being demanding or aggressive; in fact it can mean quite the opposite. Being tough in this case just means getting results.
Just as a parent, you can deploy tough love in the office with anyone, be it your boss, a coworker or member of your staff. You can tackle issues early on with diplomacy and apply good ‘parenting skills' in the office - without being condescending. You can reinforce positive behavior with praise; couch constructive criticism with positive "bookends" in a conversation; display positive role modeling; use humor; and very importantly, tactfully set limits to unreasonable demands. By showing the benefits of an alternative compromise, you are putting the "tough" in "tough love."
Of course no one expects you to love those with whom you work! But a humanistic approach to your work and applying human sensitivity is something that makes everyone's job easier, including yours. In this New Year, interpersonal intelligence provides a good balance to the necessary boundary setting you may have to do, especially as we struggle to emerge out of high unemployment. You can spend over 19 hours a week worrying - or spend at least a little of that time thinking about how to make your relationship with your boss more productive, and act on it - on your own terms.
Try putting tough love to work, keeping in mind the goal of making the office a better place for you and others. The greater control you assume, the less anxiety you will own.
