The meaning of being old

Being old is when you can live without sex, but not without glasses.

Being old is when your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

Being old is when you have to write Post-it notes with your kids’ names on them.

Being old is when you sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

Being old is when your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Being old is when you can eat dinner at four P.M.

Being old is when you no longer have patience for people who don’t like you.

Being old is when your partner says "let’s go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one. I can’t do both."

Being old is when you change your underwear after every sneeze.

Being old is when in a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

Being old is when you quit trying to hold in your stomach, no matter who walks in.

Being old is when your eyes won’t get much worse.

Being old is when no one expects you to run into a burning building.

Being old is when there is nothing else for your to learn the hard way.

Being old is when you enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

Being old is when a sexy babe catches your man’s fancy and his pacemaker opens the garage door.

Being old is when your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.

Being old is when getting a little action means you don’t have to take any fiber today.

Being old is when "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

Being old is when an "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.

Being old is when going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

Being old is when your joints are more accurate meteorologists that the National Weather Service.

Being old is when people no long view you as a hypochondriac.

Being old is when kidnappers are not very interested in you.

Being old is when things you buy now won’t wear out.

Being old is when your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.