圈外闲人
Amazon专栏作家 http://www.amazon.com/Jennifer-Fu/e/B004Y218FQ
《姜饼博物馆之糖果、煎蛋、菠菜、冰块和饼干》是女儿写的第四本小说，我在此节译几个章节。
引子
埃弗雷特·狄更斯先生是圣荷西艺术馆的馆长，他主要负责食品艺术展览，这个展览规模巨大，像是一个独立的博物馆。因为那里有一个大姜饼屋，他称之为姜饼博物馆，更长的绰号是姜饼博物馆之糖果、煎蛋、菠菜、冰块和饼干，因为这些东西是那里最常见的展品。
大部分的雕塑被放置在玻璃展示柜里，但是姜饼屋却不是，因为它像一栋真正的房子那么大。姜饼屋可以让人啃着吃，因为不知什么缘故，被吃掉的糖果会神奇地长回来。或者，至少说，这是小册子上如此介绍的。参观过那里的人都说，一定是狄更斯先生将糖果放回去的。于是博物馆鼓励人们在那里过夜，试图当场抓住他的放糖果行为，有不少人试了，却没有一个人成功过，至少到今天还没有。
姜饼屋内有一个洗手间，令人欣慰的是，那不是用糖果建成的。此外，那里还有游戏室，植物温室，屋顶花园，以及各种各样的房间，但是大多数游客喜欢的是客厅里的糖果画。那幅画是由糖果拼成的，展示了一座完美的姜饼屋，以及围绕着屋子的许多姜饼人。有些姜饼人在缝制服装，有些姜饼人在火上塑造冰块，而更多的姜饼人在收获植物，或者在煎蛋上撰写新闻。大部分人都围绕着一位国王，他的周围放满了礼品盒。
有趣的是国王弯着腰向人们鞠躬，而不是人们向国王行礼。此外，姜饼人都拿着礼物，许多礼物上潦草地写着“献给我们的王”。一些是薄冰制成礼品盒，里面露出武器、书架、以及带有反射冰面的镜子。一些礼品盒由煎蛋包裹着，煎蛋像一层绵纸那样薄。还有一些菠菜包装的礼品盒，开口的地方露出一些衣服的布料，以及各式各样的钮扣和粘贴式尼龙搭扣。还有一些人手中拿着令人垂涎的饼干盒子和乳脂糖盒，上面用水果丝带和棉花糖装点着。许多人都喜欢这幅画，说它有着栩栩如生的感觉。
狄更斯先生似乎与这些食物有着特殊的缘分：姜饼是他现在最喜欢的食物，煎蛋是他的第二喜欢，菠菜是他童年时的大敌，冰块是他认为世界上最纯朴的食物，饼干则是他儿时最喜爱的食物。他认为人们对糖果贪食过度不好，尽管他自己用其来收买孩子的好行为。
他对姜饼屋的兴趣是异乎寻常的，他带领了无数的游客参观博物馆，但是他总是避免姜饼屋中的某些地方。
博物馆的清洁工也是狄更斯先生，因此他的肩头压着许多的责任，从捡起地上吃剩的面包屑，一直到持有洗手间的钥匙。他特别小心，从不把吸尘器、刷子、扫帚、拖把之类的东西放在姜饼屋的糖果画附近。他总是绕着圈子避免那幅图画，仿佛那是一枚炸弹，每当有人提议将其取下来，他总是强烈地反对。你可能会认为他的行为非常古怪，但是这些古怪的行为源于一次奇特的经历，当他是一名四年级学生的时候，他第一次参观博物馆...
Mr. Everett Dickens is the current museum curator in the San Jose Museum of Art. He mostly manages the food art exhibition, which is almost like a whole museum by itself. He has nicknamed it the Gingerbread Museum, apparently because of the big gingerbread house there. Another nickname for it is the Gingerbread Museum of Candy, Omelets, Spinach, Ice, and Biscuits, because they are the most common displays.
Most of the sculptures are placed inside glass display cases, but the gingerbread house is not. The gingerbread house is actually the size of a real house. It is free for eating, because somehow, the candy simply grows back. Or, at least, that’s what the brochures say. People who have been there say Mr. Dickens puts the candy back. The museum allows people to stay overnight and try to catch him in the act, but no one has caught him – yet.
There is a built-in bathroom inside, but that is not made of candy, thankfully. There also is a playroom, a greenhouse, a rooftop garden, and all sorts of things, but most visitors like the candy painting in the living room. It is made of candy, and shows a perfect gingerbread house, with gingerbread men all around it. Some are sewing clothing, others are shaping ice over fires, and more are harvesting plants or writing news on omelets. But most of them are encircling the king, laden with offerings of packages.
Interestingly, the king bows towards the people, instead of the people bowing towards the king. Also, the people are holding gifts, many with “to our king” scrawled on them. Some look like ice gift boxes, revealing weapons, bookshelves, even mirrors with shiny ice surfaces. Others are objects wrapped in thin layers of tissue-paper-like omelets. There are spinach-wrapped gifts, with openings in them revealing clothes. They also have various buttons and stick-on Velcro sticks. Mouthwatering biscuit packages with items placed inside them lay on the hands of gingerbread people. The rest are rigid Laffy Taffy boxes with ribbons of Fruit Roll-Ups and spun cotton candy. Some people say that the picture has a lifelike quality about it.
Mr. Dickens seems to have a connection to all those foods: Gingerbread is his favorite food, and omelets are his second favorite. Spinach was the archenemy of his childhood, ice is his current opinion of the plainest food in the world, and biscuits were his childhood favorite food. He considers an overexposure to too much candy bad for people, even though he himself uses it for bribing kids to behave.
He has a strange interest for gingerbread houses. He leads many tours around the museum, but he avoids leading tours in certain parts of the gingerbread house.
The museum janitor is also Mr. Dickens, so his shoulders are weighted down with responsibilities, from picking up leftover crumbs to make sure the ants don’t get it, to keeping the bathroom keys. He makes special care not to put vacuums, brushes, brooms, mops, and other such things near the candy portrait in the gingerbread house. He goes out of his way to completely avoid it, almost like it is a bomb, but every time someone proposes to remove it, he objects. You may think that his behavior is most peculiar, but it was born out of a very certain experience as a fourth grade student while he was touring the museum for the first time…
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