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Reactions to Disappointment
Gertrude Stein said that people have "to learn to do everything, even to die." In life, everyone may face and master many unavoidable adversities; one misery everyone experiences is disappointment. No one gets through life without experiencing many disappointments. Strangely, though, most people seem unprepared for disappointment and react to it in negative ways. They feel depressed or try to escape their troubles instead of using disappointment as an opportunity for growth.
One negative reaction to disappointment is depression. A woman trying to win a promotion, for example, works hard for over a year in her department. Halina is so sure she will get the promotion, in fact, that she has already picked out the car she will buy when her salary increase comes through. However, the boss names one of Halina's co-workers to the position. The fact that all the other department employees tell halina that she is the one who really deserved the promotion doesn't help her deal with the crushing disappointment. Deeply depressed, Halina decides that all her goals are doomed to defeat. She loses her entrusiasm for her job and can barely force herself to show up every day. Halina tells herself that she is a failure and that doing a good job just isn't worth the work.
Another negative reaction to disappointment, and one that often follows depression, is the desire to escape. Jamal fails to get into the college his brother is attending, the college that was the focus of all his dreams, and decides to escape his disappointment. Why worry about college at all? Instead, he covers up his real feeling by giving up on his schoolwork and getting completely involved with friends, parties, and 'good time." Or Carla doesn't make the college basketball team-- something she wanted very badly-- and so refuses to play sports at all. She decides to hang around with a new set of friends who get high every day; then she won't have to confront her disappointment and learn to live with it.
The positive way to react to disapointment is to use it as a chance for growth. This isn't easy, but it's the only useful way to deal with an inevitable part of life. halina, the woman who wasn't promoted, could have handled her disappointment by looking at other options. If her boss doesn't recognize talent and hard work, perhaps she could transfer to another department. Or she could ask the boss how to improve her performance so that she would be a sure candidate for the next promotion. jmal, the fellow sho didn't get into the college of his choice, should look into other schools. Going to another college may encourage him to be his own person, step out of his brother's shadow, and realize that being turned down by one college isn't a final judgment on his abilities or petential. Rather than escape into drugs, Carla could improve her basketball skills for a year or pick up another sport--like swimming or tennis--that would probably turn out to be more useful to her as an adult.
Disappointments are unwelcome but regular visitors to everyone's life. People can feel depressed about them or they can try to escape from them. The best thing, though, is to accept a disappointment and then try to use it somehow: step over the unwelcome visitor on the doorstep and get on with life.
