正文
非常喜欢你的小D的故事, 除了最后匆忙而慌张的结尾外, 其它部分还是写的非常细腻到位.
我大概和你年龄差不多吧, 或者比你大个一两岁, 一直以来在跨坛潜水.这两天看到你的跟贴, 觉得你好象非常心灰意懒,我希望我的经历感受和文字或者可以帮助你, 共勉吧.
我也是两个多月前和男友分手的, 所有失恋的痛苦和空虚我都有并且伤口如同昨日般清晰...具体细节我就不讲了, 无非是又一个平淡感伤而琐碎的故事, 只说个梗概吧: 我和他是在网上认识的,后来他说他对我的第一印象特别好, 几乎是立刻就非常喜欢, 我对他第一印象一般,不好不坏, 觉得不是特别帅但是个子很高.我喜欢高个的,加上一些相同的经历, 所以后来他追我我也就施施然应允了.
我是个比较懒散的人, 当时也有别人在追, 但是他条件比较好加上人又活泼幽默嘴甜, 所以在一和他约会后立刻就不怎么再上那个DATING的网站了(MISTAKE ONE).
一开始是他比较主动, 我是属于慢火的那种, 等我的火慢慢的终于被他煨出来以后, 我就把他当成我的知心大妈了, 成长中青涩的经历, 过往感情的种种伤痛, 父母的不和, 生活的消极琐碎...事无巨细一一向他述说. 尤其是还居然经常喋喋不休讲述我的上一段感情,我的那个多情的痴情的绝情的无情的EX带给我种种伤痕... (多么愚蠢低级的错误啊)我到现在都惊讶他曾经的耐心和宽容, 可惜永远再不会有了...
在我肆无忌惮的倾诉里, 在他耐心宽容的安慰里, 我慢慢对他越陷越深, 感情上越来越依赖, 也越来越主动(MISTKAE 3)...在我觉得我真的已经很INTO他的时候, 我却发现他开始BACK OFF,比如打电话的次数明显减少, 口气不再热切, 回电话的时间越拖越长甚至不回...在疑问和讨论无果后,他的态度却更冷淡了...他的转变让我很受不了, 我给他写了一个长长的EMAIL后决定TAKE A BREAK (又是个错误). 其实我的目的无非是想GET HIS MORE ATTENTION,也的确是引起了他的注意了--他立刻打电话, 表示不愿意分手,然而随后的那个周末我们都觉得中间的那个裂痕...
这样分分和和, 加上中间两地分居的几个月, 这段感情其实已经很脆弱了,而这之间和之前他的一些行为很深的伤害过我,我一直无法释怀, 他也一直到最后也没有给我一个解释... 可是因为对他的感情, 我就是不能下定决心割舍...
后来他终于调到了我所在的城市(他在认识我之前就申请这个职位了), 在他认为我们终于可以好好在一起的时候, 我却彻底清醒的认识到我和他性格的巨大差异, 从理智上,我清晰的知道, 我和他是不会幸福的...我还是无法GET OVER他过去对我的伤害, 也不能永远忍受他性格里我实在无法接受的那部分, 比如孩子般的狡辩和慌话...同时也开始深深意识我自己曾经犯过的种种错误. 在我们分开的几个月后, 在他终于搬到我的城市以后, 他很惊讶的发现了我的改变:我不再那么絮絮叨叨了, 所有过去的感情不再是我的BAGGAGE而只是人生的一段经历了.我变得独立,自信甚至是神秘, 同时, 也刻意和他保持一种不远不近的距离, 再也不是随时随刻都AVAILIBLE了, 我甚至有意无意的向他提起两个正在追我的男生(我根本不喜欢那两个人, 可没必要告诉他这个).我发现他看我的眼神又回到了我们刚认识时候的那个样子, 他态度也越来越小心翼翼和充满设计的讨好了...可是, 我却清清楚楚的醒悟到他不是那个MR. RIGHT, 尽管我曾经以为他是...我也知道自己致命的弱点: 就是心太软...如果我不马上和他分手, 我估计永远都不可能舍得下定决心和他分手了,这样只能误人误已而错误的越陷越深, 我和他的缘分已经尽了这是明明白白的....
即使是在这样的境况下的分手, 也居然是如此意想不到的痛苦...如同你说的, 一开始是坚强的, 可是在再也听不到对方任何消息以后, 在这个自己曾经爱的人永远消失在人群里的时候, 那种痛苦,空虚和思念是无法想象的...
但我还是比较理智的, 我告诉自己不能就这样白白爱了一场, 我之间和之后看了很多关于男人和RELATIONSHIP的书, 自己也总结了很多. 现在看来, 这场恋爱让我学了很多很多, 让我从一个在恋爱中毫无心计, 懒散的女孩变成了一个开始懂得这场游戏规则的人,甚至是制定规则的人...爱情当然不是游戏,也并非一个充满心计的博翌, 可是做任何事情都是要遵循规则的, 爱情亦是如此, 这是男人女人的自然规则, 也是人生的规则. 很多爱情, 因为没有遵循规则也不制定规则, 即使或许最终苟切, 可也一定不是建立在平等和尊敬的基础上的, 这样的爱情不是我所想要的.
这是我当初分手时写的一篇总结日记, 或许对你会有一些帮助. 我在这个坛里受益不浅, 也希望我这篇小文能给所有在爱情里苦苦追寻的JMS一些启发:
My mistakes that i made with his are:
1. made everything too easy for him. As soon as I met him, I stopped checking on-line right away, made him think I have been waiting for somebody like him for so long, made him think I am too eager.
2. Drive to his place doesn\'t matter how big snow it was. Try too hard!
3. Told him everything about my past, every detail. He lose interesting to find more about me, I was not mystery in his eyes at all.
4. show him lots negative side of my life but positive side. He no longer look up me as a prize but look down of me as a nagger for his attention.
5. he was also very disappointed because I am no longer a prize which attracted him at the first place. The more i act proud and look up of myself, the more I will pull him into me, that is also what he wanted. He want to be proud of me, look up at me, and try harder to please me…but because I am too initiative and too easy, too much want to hold of this relationship, so I didn\'t give him any challenge…The latter parts of our relationship are very disappoitment for both sides. I was there, 100% in his hand, he is that kind of guy lose interest easily without challenge…he had much higher expectation towards me, but when I was acting like a door mat, it is just very disappointing…that is also explain why he acted without much respect later on….
6. when I feel his attitude had changed, I should just back off a bit, but I didn\'t. instead, I was nagging, when I didn\'t see any improvement of his behavior, I walked away. It is never good to just walk away unless it is unsolved issue. If I was just be a bit distance instead of walk away, he will come to me to solve the issue.
I still think I did pretty good in the past a few months, I sent him a good email after he asked back, told him there is a chance, also kept my dignity. I fouced on my own life, working on the house. I didn\'t just throw myself into his arm after he finally move to here.. The last 3 months was good, at least he start to respect me, start to please me, start to figure out what I was thinking….If I made myself very available, and acted as same as before, he will never respect me or cherish me. Sure we are over now, but at least it end for good in my side. At least I earned his respect, and use my action told him, that I am not that type of woman who he can take for granted. I did hold on myself finally at least. I didn\'t allow him treat me the way that I didn\'t like. The mistakes I made, made myself no longer special in his eyes. Doesn\'t matter how hard I wanted to make it up, it just doesn\'t work as the way I want it to be. If we have time, I am very confident, I will have him love me back with the way I want to.
It is great lesson that I learned from him, from this relationship. It is great helpful for my next relatiosnhip. This year, I have learned a lot, I am no longer the old me anymore. The more confident I have, the more I am in control of my life, in control of thing that happen to me.
In the past, I have been always complain that he didn\'t really into me, he didn\'t appreciate, and he didn\'t respect enough. I then try to figure out what the problem he has, and now, today, I realized that was also parts of my problems, that is me who made him acted like that. Because I didn\'t treat myself very special, I didn\'t act like a very special and pride girl, when he gave me the shit, I took it…it just push him future more with unrespectable.. Never ever take any uncomfortable behavior from man. Whenever you feel he is not that respectful, don\'t just walk away, but pull back a bit, and he will soon realize and respect you as the way you wanted if he really cares about you.
我大概和你年龄差不多吧, 或者比你大个一两岁, 一直以来在跨坛潜水.这两天看到你的跟贴, 觉得你好象非常心灰意懒,我希望我的经历感受和文字或者可以帮助你, 共勉吧.
我也是两个多月前和男友分手的, 所有失恋的痛苦和空虚我都有并且伤口如同昨日般清晰...具体细节我就不讲了, 无非是又一个平淡感伤而琐碎的故事, 只说个梗概吧: 我和他是在网上认识的,后来他说他对我的第一印象特别好, 几乎是立刻就非常喜欢, 我对他第一印象一般,不好不坏, 觉得不是特别帅但是个子很高.我喜欢高个的,加上一些相同的经历, 所以后来他追我我也就施施然应允了.
我是个比较懒散的人, 当时也有别人在追, 但是他条件比较好加上人又活泼幽默嘴甜, 所以在一和他约会后立刻就不怎么再上那个DATING的网站了(MISTAKE ONE).
一开始是他比较主动, 我是属于慢火的那种, 等我的火慢慢的终于被他煨出来以后, 我就把他当成我的知心大妈了, 成长中青涩的经历, 过往感情的种种伤痛, 父母的不和, 生活的消极琐碎...事无巨细一一向他述说. 尤其是还居然经常喋喋不休讲述我的上一段感情,我的那个多情的痴情的绝情的无情的EX带给我种种伤痕... (多么愚蠢低级的错误啊)我到现在都惊讶他曾经的耐心和宽容, 可惜永远再不会有了...
在我肆无忌惮的倾诉里, 在他耐心宽容的安慰里, 我慢慢对他越陷越深, 感情上越来越依赖, 也越来越主动(MISTKAE 3)...在我觉得我真的已经很INTO他的时候, 我却发现他开始BACK OFF,比如打电话的次数明显减少, 口气不再热切, 回电话的时间越拖越长甚至不回...在疑问和讨论无果后,他的态度却更冷淡了...他的转变让我很受不了, 我给他写了一个长长的EMAIL后决定TAKE A BREAK (又是个错误). 其实我的目的无非是想GET HIS MORE ATTENTION,也的确是引起了他的注意了--他立刻打电话, 表示不愿意分手,然而随后的那个周末我们都觉得中间的那个裂痕...
这样分分和和, 加上中间两地分居的几个月, 这段感情其实已经很脆弱了,而这之间和之前他的一些行为很深的伤害过我,我一直无法释怀, 他也一直到最后也没有给我一个解释... 可是因为对他的感情, 我就是不能下定决心割舍...
后来他终于调到了我所在的城市(他在认识我之前就申请这个职位了), 在他认为我们终于可以好好在一起的时候, 我却彻底清醒的认识到我和他性格的巨大差异, 从理智上,我清晰的知道, 我和他是不会幸福的...我还是无法GET OVER他过去对我的伤害, 也不能永远忍受他性格里我实在无法接受的那部分, 比如孩子般的狡辩和慌话...同时也开始深深意识我自己曾经犯过的种种错误. 在我们分开的几个月后, 在他终于搬到我的城市以后, 他很惊讶的发现了我的改变:我不再那么絮絮叨叨了, 所有过去的感情不再是我的BAGGAGE而只是人生的一段经历了.我变得独立,自信甚至是神秘, 同时, 也刻意和他保持一种不远不近的距离, 再也不是随时随刻都AVAILIBLE了, 我甚至有意无意的向他提起两个正在追我的男生(我根本不喜欢那两个人, 可没必要告诉他这个).我发现他看我的眼神又回到了我们刚认识时候的那个样子, 他态度也越来越小心翼翼和充满设计的讨好了...可是, 我却清清楚楚的醒悟到他不是那个MR. RIGHT, 尽管我曾经以为他是...我也知道自己致命的弱点: 就是心太软...如果我不马上和他分手, 我估计永远都不可能舍得下定决心和他分手了,这样只能误人误已而错误的越陷越深, 我和他的缘分已经尽了这是明明白白的....
即使是在这样的境况下的分手, 也居然是如此意想不到的痛苦...如同你说的, 一开始是坚强的, 可是在再也听不到对方任何消息以后, 在这个自己曾经爱的人永远消失在人群里的时候, 那种痛苦,空虚和思念是无法想象的...
但我还是比较理智的, 我告诉自己不能就这样白白爱了一场, 我之间和之后看了很多关于男人和RELATIONSHIP的书, 自己也总结了很多. 现在看来, 这场恋爱让我学了很多很多, 让我从一个在恋爱中毫无心计, 懒散的女孩变成了一个开始懂得这场游戏规则的人,甚至是制定规则的人...爱情当然不是游戏,也并非一个充满心计的博翌, 可是做任何事情都是要遵循规则的, 爱情亦是如此, 这是男人女人的自然规则, 也是人生的规则. 很多爱情, 因为没有遵循规则也不制定规则, 即使或许最终苟切, 可也一定不是建立在平等和尊敬的基础上的, 这样的爱情不是我所想要的.
这是我当初分手时写的一篇总结日记, 或许对你会有一些帮助. 我在这个坛里受益不浅, 也希望我这篇小文能给所有在爱情里苦苦追寻的JMS一些启发:
My mistakes that i made with his are:
1. made everything too easy for him. As soon as I met him, I stopped checking on-line right away, made him think I have been waiting for somebody like him for so long, made him think I am too eager.
2. Drive to his place doesn\'t matter how big snow it was. Try too hard!
3. Told him everything about my past, every detail. He lose interesting to find more about me, I was not mystery in his eyes at all.
4. show him lots negative side of my life but positive side. He no longer look up me as a prize but look down of me as a nagger for his attention.
5. he was also very disappointed because I am no longer a prize which attracted him at the first place. The more i act proud and look up of myself, the more I will pull him into me, that is also what he wanted. He want to be proud of me, look up at me, and try harder to please me…but because I am too initiative and too easy, too much want to hold of this relationship, so I didn\'t give him any challenge…The latter parts of our relationship are very disappoitment for both sides. I was there, 100% in his hand, he is that kind of guy lose interest easily without challenge…he had much higher expectation towards me, but when I was acting like a door mat, it is just very disappointing…that is also explain why he acted without much respect later on….
6. when I feel his attitude had changed, I should just back off a bit, but I didn\'t. instead, I was nagging, when I didn\'t see any improvement of his behavior, I walked away. It is never good to just walk away unless it is unsolved issue. If I was just be a bit distance instead of walk away, he will come to me to solve the issue.
I still think I did pretty good in the past a few months, I sent him a good email after he asked back, told him there is a chance, also kept my dignity. I fouced on my own life, working on the house. I didn\'t just throw myself into his arm after he finally move to here.. The last 3 months was good, at least he start to respect me, start to please me, start to figure out what I was thinking….If I made myself very available, and acted as same as before, he will never respect me or cherish me. Sure we are over now, but at least it end for good in my side. At least I earned his respect, and use my action told him, that I am not that type of woman who he can take for granted. I did hold on myself finally at least. I didn\'t allow him treat me the way that I didn\'t like. The mistakes I made, made myself no longer special in his eyes. Doesn\'t matter how hard I wanted to make it up, it just doesn\'t work as the way I want it to be. If we have time, I am very confident, I will have him love me back with the way I want to.
It is great lesson that I learned from him, from this relationship. It is great helpful for my next relatiosnhip. This year, I have learned a lot, I am no longer the old me anymore. The more confident I have, the more I am in control of my life, in control of thing that happen to me.
In the past, I have been always complain that he didn\'t really into me, he didn\'t appreciate, and he didn\'t respect enough. I then try to figure out what the problem he has, and now, today, I realized that was also parts of my problems, that is me who made him acted like that. Because I didn\'t treat myself very special, I didn\'t act like a very special and pride girl, when he gave me the shit, I took it…it just push him future more with unrespectable.. Never ever take any uncomfortable behavior from man. Whenever you feel he is not that respectful, don\'t just walk away, but pull back a bit, and he will soon realize and respect you as the way you wanted if he really cares about you.
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