LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said,

"How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was

a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your

husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the

chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with

your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked

their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a

completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO

anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... because it's

happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about the

imagery of that _expression. It implies that you were just standing

there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

 

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But

after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the

natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls

become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when

it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute,

drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you

think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between

the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry

subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry

the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of

the love you once had, you may

begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when

marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and

look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is

the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a

friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It

lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You

could. And TEMPORARILY you'd

feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S

LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER

just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it

day in and day out. That's why we have the ____expression "the labor of

love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly,

it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

 

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific

things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your

marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there

are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise

program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your

relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and

effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...

you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... not just a feeling.