Best Geek Quotes

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t

If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0

I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features

Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you

In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…

The box said ‘Requires Windows 95 or better’. So I installed LINUX

A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax

Unix, DOS and Windows…the good, the bad and the ugly

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila

The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

C://dos

C://dos.run

run.dos.run

You know it’s love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead

JUST SHUT UP AND REBOOT!!

1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d

Alcohol & calculus don’t mix. Never drink & derive

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer

Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button

It’s not bogus, it’s an IBM standard

Be nice to the nerds, for all you know they might be the next Bill Gates!

The farther south you go, the more dollar stores there are

Beware of programmers that carry screwdrivers

The difference between e-mail and regular mail is that computers handle e-mail, and computers never decide to come to work one day and shoot all the other computers

If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won’t mar the furniture

COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning

LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses

The beginning of the programmer’s wisdom is understanding the difference between getting program to run and having a runnable program

Squash one bug, you’ll see ten new bugs popping

Everytime i time i touch my code, i give birth to ten new bugs

boast = blogging is open & amiable sharing of thoughts

We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted

If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBO

Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner

Bad or corrupt header, go get a haircut

Unrecognized input, get out of the class

Warning! Buffer overflow, close the tumbler !

WinErr 547: LPT1 not found… Use backup… PENCIL & PAPER

Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes

Best file compression around: “rm . ” = 100% compression

Hackers in hollywood movies are phenomenal. All they need to do is “c:\> hack into fbi”

BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding

I survived an NT installation

The name is Baud……James Baud

My new car runs at 56Kbps

Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or filename!”

File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

Cannot read data, leech the next boy’s paper? (Y/N)

CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Helpdesk : Sir, you need to add 10GB space to your HD , Customer : Could you please tell where I can download that?

Windows: Just another pane in the glass

Who’s General Failure & why’s he reading my disk?

RAM disk is not an installation procedure

Shell to DOS…Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS…

The truth is out there…anybody got the URL?

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…..

E-mail returned to sender — insufficient voltage

Help! I’m modeming… and I can’t hang up!!!

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue

Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Mouse not attached. Please left click the ‘OK’ button to continue

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit…

Press every key to continue

Helpdesk: Sir if you see the blue screen, press any key to continue. Customer : hm.. just a min.. where’s that ‘any key’..

Idiot, Go ahead, make my data!

Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so

(001) Logical Error CLINTON.SYS: Truth table missing

Clinton:/> READ | PARSE | WRITE | DUMP >> MONKIA.SYS

(D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza

Computers can never replace human stupidity

A typical Yahoo! inbox : Inbox(0), Junk(9855210)

(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic?

Bugs come in through open Windows

Penguins love cold, they wont survive the sun

Unix is user friendly…its just selective about who its friends are

Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity

Bell Labs Unix — Reach out and grep someone.

To err is human…to really foul up requires the root password.

Invalid password : Please enter the correct password to (Abort / Retry / Ignore )

FUBAR - where Geeks go for a drink

I degaussed my girlfriend and I’m just not attracted to her anymore

Scandisk : Found 2 bad sectors. Please enter a new HD to continue scanning

Black holes are where God divided by zero

Hey! It compiles! Ship it!

Thank god, my baby just compiled

Yes! My code compiled, and my wife just produced the output

Windows 98 supports real multitasking - it can boot and crash simultaneously

Zap! And there was the blue screen !

Please send all spam to my main address, root@localhost :-)

MailerD(a)emon: You just received 9133547 spam. (O)pen all, (R)ead one by one, (C)heck for more spam

A: Can you teach me how to use a computer? B: No. I just fix the machines, I don’t use them

PayPal: Your funds have been frozen for 668974 days

1-800-404 : The subscriber you are trying to call does not exist

1-800-403 : Access to that subscriber was denied

Error message: “Out of paper on drive D:”

If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I’d antialias my graphics!

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

“Mr. Worf, scan that ship.” “Aye Captain. 300 dpi?”

Smith & Wesson: The Original Point And Click Interface

Shout onto a newsgroup : It echoes back flames and spam

Firewall : Intruder detected. (A)llow in (D)eactivate the firewall

Real programmers can write assembly code in any language

Warning! Perl script detected! (K)ill it , (D)eactivate it

Firewall : Do you want to place a motion detector on port 80 ?

Helpdesk: Sir, please refill your ink catridges Customer : Where can i download that?

All computers run at the same speed… with the power off

You have successfully logged in, Now press any key to log out

Sorry, the password you tried is already being used by Dorthy, please try something else.

Sorry, that username already exists. (O)verwrite it (C)ancel

Please send all flames, trolls, and complaints to /dev/toilet

Shut up, or i’ll flush you out

Cron : Enter cron command \ Now enter the number of minutes in an hour

We are experiencing system trouble — do not adjust your terminal

You have successfully hacked in, Welcome to the FBI mainframes.

I’m sorry, our software is perfect. The problem must be you

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway

Webhost livehelp: Sir you ran out of bandwidth, User: Where can I download that?

If Ruby is not and Perl is the answer, you don’t understand the question

Having soundcards is nice… having embedded sound in web pages is not

My computer was full, so I deleted everything on the right half

You have received a new mail which is 195537 hours old

Yahoo! Mail: Your email was sent successfully. The email will delivered in 4 days and 8 hours

I’m sorry for the double slash (Tim Berners-Lee in a Panel Discussion, WWW7, Brisbane, 1998)

Ah, young webmaster… java leads to shockwave. Shockwave leads to realaudio. And realaudio leads to suffering

What color do you want that database?

C++ is a write-only language, once can write programs in C++, but I can’t read any of them

As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code

earth is 98% full … please delete anyone you can

A typical yahoo chat room: “A has signed in, A has signed out, B has signed in, B has signed out, C has signed in, C has signed out..”

When someone says “I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done,” give him a lollipop

Warning! No processor found! Press any key to continue

Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product

NT is the only OS that has caused me to beat a piece of hardware to death with my bare hands

Warning! Kernel crashed, Run for your lives !

NASA uses Windows? Oh great. If Apollo 13 went off course today the manual would just tell them to open the airlock, flush the astronauts out, and re-install new one

JavaScript: An authorizing language designed to make Netscape crash

How’s my programming? Call 1-800-DEV-NULL

Yes, friends and neighbors, boys and girls - my PC speaker crashed NT

root:> Sorry, you entered the wrong password, the correct password is ‘a_49qwXk’

New linux package released. Please install on /dev/null

Quake and uptime do not like each other

Unix…best if used before: Tue Jan 19 03:14:08 GMT 2038

As you well know, magic and weapons are prohibited inside the cafeteria — Final Fantasy VIII

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft…and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labo

Unix is the only virus with a command line interface

Windows 95 makes Unix look like an operating system

How are we supposed to hack your system if it’s always down!

God is real, unless declared integer

I’m tempted to buy the slashdot staff a grammar checker. What do they do for 40 hours a week?

Paypal : Please enter your credit card number to continue

It takes a million monkeys at typewriters to write Shakespeare, but only a dozen monkeys at computers to run Network Solutions

Please help - firewall burnt down - lost packet - reward

If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could piss in it before delivery

Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle

Perl, the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption

Norton: Incoming virus - (D)ownload and save (R)un after download

I had a dream… and there were 1’s and 0’s everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!

You sir, are an unknown USB device driver

C isn’t that hard: void ( ( f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void