There were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church and looked to be perfect Christians. Deal with devil...
Then, their pastor retired and a new one was hired.
Not only could this new pastor see right through the brothers’ deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died.
The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building. “I have only one condition,” he said. “At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint.” The pastor gave his word and deposited the check.
The next day at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. “He was an evil man,” he said. “He cheated on his wife and abused his family.” After going on in this way for a small time, he concluded with:
“But, compared to his brother, he was a saint.”The Circle of Life...
A man walked into a bar and with a disconcerted look on his face immediately called out, “Who is the owner of that Saint Bernard tied up outside?”
Another man looked over and replied, “It’s mine. His name’s Rudy. Why do you ask?”
The first man walked up to him, put an arm on his shouldner and said, “I’m sorry, but my dog just killed your dog.”
The owner of the dog was shocked. “Are you kidding me?! It’s a Saint Bernard! That dog is huge! He’s bigger than my car!”
The first man nodded in agreement and then said:
“Well, he choked on my Chihuahua.”
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride. Kicking off the New Year...
While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings toward her demanding ways.
At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head no and mumble a reply.
Very curious as to this bizarre behaviour, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.
The farmer explained, “Well, the women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would ask, ‘Can I borrow that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t, it’s all booked up for a year.’”
