情人节之Men Vs. Women第三回合(zt)

Men Vs. Women, Round 3

Question	Answer
Why do men fart more than women?	Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair?	Because if you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.
Why did God give men penises?	So we'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!
How is a woman like a laxative?	They both irritate the shit out of you.
Why did God give women nipples?	To make suckers out of men.
Why are hangovers better than women?	Hangovers will go away.
Why do men die before their wives?	They want to.
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?	He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
What s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?	Lipstick.
Why is a woman like a dog turd?	The older it is, the easier it is to pick up.
What's the difference between a woman and a toilet?	A toilet doesn't follow you around once you've used it.
How does a woman know that she is overweight?	She's lying at the beach and people from Greenpeace try to push her back into the sea.
How many men does it take to fix the vacuum cleaner??	Why the hell should we fix it, we don't use the damn thing!
Why are women like screen doors?	Once they get banged a few times, they loosen up.
What's a wife?	An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.
How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?	Wipe your penis on the curtains.
How are women like parking spaces?	The best ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.
How are girls like rocks?	The flat ones are better to skip.
Why do women have tits?	So men will talk to them.
What's the difference between a woman and a coffin?	You come in one and go in the other.
Why do women close their eyes during sex?	They can't stand to see a man having a good time.
What do you call a woman who can suck an orange through a waterhose?	Darling.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?	You can unscrew a light bulb.
Why do women have periods?	Because they deserve them.
Why did God make man first?	He didn't want to have a woman looking over his shoulder.
What's the definition of Male Chauvinist Pig?	A man who hates every bone in a woman's body--except his own.
Why does it take five women with PMS to change a light bulb?	IT JUST DOES!!
What's love?	The delusion that one woman is different from another.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?	Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
Why are cyclones/tornadoes usually named after women?	Because what starts off as a small blow ends up taking half your house.
What's the difference between your wife and your job?	After five years your job will still suck.
Why did God create lesbians?	So feminists couldn't breed.
Why did the Army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?	They fought like animals and retained water for four days.
Why is a fat woman like a moped?	They're both fun to ride, but you wouldn't want your friends to see you on either.
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?	They don't have balls to scratch.
Did you hear about the new all female delivery service?	It s called PMS - they deliver whenever the hell they feel like it.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?	Divorced.