情人节之 Men Vs. Women 第一回合 (zt)

Men Vs. Women, Round 1

 The Difference

• Women have more imagination than men. They need it to tell us how wonderful we are.
• Women have their faults. Men have only two. Everything they say. Everything they do.
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful women is one who can find such a man.

The Style

• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
• When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking
• A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants.
• A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't want.

The Workplace

• When a man gives his opinion, he's a man.
• When a woman gives her opinions, she's a bitch.
• Women are the only exploited group in history who have been idealized into powerlessness.

Relationships

• Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are a man's best friend. Now you know which sex is smarter.
• Most men's primary fantasy is still, unfortunately, access to a number of beautiful women. For a man, commitment means giving up this fantasy.
• Most women's primary fantasy is a relationship with one man who either provides economic security or is on his way to doing so ( he has "potential").
• For a woman, commitment to this type of man means achieving this fantasy. So commitment often means that a woman achieves her primary fantasy, while a man gives his up.
• It's not true that men prefer foolish women. Rather they prefer women who can simulate foolishness whenever necessary, which is the very core of intelligence.

Sex

• When a man falls in love, he wants to go to bed.
• When a woman falls in love, she wants to talk about it.
• I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. "Please, I'll only put it in for a few minutes." "What am I, a microwave ?"
• Man's greatest advantage in the battle of the sexes is woman's curiosity.
• One puzzling thing about men - they allow their sex instincts to drive them to where their intelligence never would take them.

Love

• Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct : What they like is to be a man's last romance.
• The only way to understand a woman is to love her - and then it isn't necessary to understand her.
• " A guy knows he's in love when he wants to grow old with a woman. When he wants to stay with her in the morning .... When he starts calling sex "making love" and afterward wants a great big hug. When he loses interest in the car for a couple of days. It's that simple, I swear."
• To women, love is an occupation. To men, a preoccupation.
• A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks. A woman loses hers after four kisses.
• To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
  To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Marriage

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does
• Men marry because they are tired;woman because they are curious; Both are disappointed
• A woman is worried about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
• A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her; a man of the woman who didn't.
• There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage

Husbands

• Two days are the best of a man's wedded life, The days when he marries and when he buries his wife.
• Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.
• Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
• Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use in two people remembering the same thing.
• Women, deceived by men, want to marry them; it is a kind of revenge as good as any other.

Wives

• A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted
• Mahatma Gandhi was what wives wish their husbands were: thin, tan and moral.
• Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
• Husbands are like cars: all are good the first year.
• You marry the man of your dreams, but fifteen years later, you're married to a reclining chair that burps.
• When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason - there's a reason.

The Battle

• A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

On Men

• Man is the missing link between the ape and the human being.
• Adam is but man's first draft.
• If you women knew what we were thinking, you'd never stop slapping us.
• Men are like animals, but they make great pets.
• A man is one who loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last.
• When you take away what a man is born with, and what his mother made him all you would have is an ego.

On Woman

• Can you imagine a world without men ? No crime and lots of happy fat women.
• Women have two weapons - cosmetics and tears.
• Women may be the only group that grows more radical with age.
• God made man before woman to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.