11-22-06

It is the night before thankgiving. I miss you so much. I wanted so much to call you. But I can not. I do not want to disturb your life any more. I am married and I do not have enough courage and strength to get a divorce. I tell myself that I will contact you only if I got a divorce or I will never contact you again.
Life is hard. I am so lonely. I feel my heart is closed to my husband. I do not feel like talking wiht him or seeing him. I know it is wrong but I can't help myself. I am so disapointed about a lot of things he did and I know I have done that hurted him, too. My love for him is all gone. 
I can not sleep or I do not want to sleep at night. I stay up late. I wish I could be more positive and active. I will start a gym program and cut the internet since I web browsing too much.