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[ZT]行医的回荡

(2007-11-08 07:30:47) 下一个

http://www.drbachinese.org/online_reading/dharma_talks/Innocent_Little_Ghosts_b/Innocent_Little_Ghosts_b18.htm

A Doctor's Realization


庄雅 ·临床心理师
Ya-Jen Chuang, Clinical Psychologist

听了这些躁郁症者的故事,心里回荡著上人对戒律的强调┅┅
After listening to the stories of my patients with Bipolar Disorders, I realized why the Venerable Master emphasized the importance of upholding the precepts......

接触宣公上人的书籍大约是在四年前,那时台湾正经历SARS危机。SARS其实就像上人在开示录中所提的──可怕的传染性肺病。我在医院工作,当时只要出了医院就是被讨厌的人。随时都可能因为发烧而被隔离,那儿也不适合去。阿姨送来上人的开示录,我开始认识上人。上人说,持诵〈大悲咒〉和〈楞严咒〉的人,可以在这瘟疫劫里幸免於难。我开始学习〈楞严咒〉。

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I became acquainted with the Venerable Master’s teachings about four years ago, around the time when Taiwan had the SARS crisis. Actually, SARS is like the dangerous and contagious respiratory disease that the Venerable Master mentioned in his Dharma talks. As a health worker, I was met with fear once I left the hospital where I worked. Since I could be quarantined for even the slightest fever, it was hard for me to go anywhere. It was then my aunt sent me publications of the Venerable Master’s Dharma talks, and I began to study his teachings. The Venerable Master said that people who recite the Great Compassion Mantra and the Shurangama Mantra would be untouched by an epidemic. This was when I started to learn the Shurangama Mantra. 

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阅读上人的开示录,惊讶於居然有人可以这般地说真话,提倡道德,一点也不从众媚俗。这在台湾谎言日增的社会里,已经愈来愈少见了。对上人的敬佩油然而生。上人的教诲,帮助我走过职场生涯的迷惘困惑;影响我从不接触经典到想要探索经藏;教导我从佛法的角度看心理疾病;修正我忽略戒律的观念,而主动想要学习和持守戒律。

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While reading the Venerable Master’s lectures, I was amazed by the way he spoke the truth and promoted morality, without following traditional customs just to please people. Living in the Taiwanese society where truth is becoming rarer while lies are increasing daily, my respect for the Venerable Master arose naturally. His teachings guided me through difficulties and confusing situations in my career, transformed me from someone who never touched a Sutra to someone who wishes to explore the Sutra treasury, and helped me to understand mental illnesses from a Buddhist perspective. He also showed me the error of overlooking the precepts, and inspired me to learn and uphold the precepts instead.

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记得从学校毕业後,怀著憧憬和梦想进入职场,与所崇敬的资深临床心理专业前辈一起工作。有一天,当发现自己的单纯和对人的尊敬竟然成为被利用的弱点,感到相当地认知失调。不禁怀疑,是不是要在这个领域有所发展,除了专业之外,还要学会一些损人利己的手段呢?可是真要这麽做,我又不敢。幸而,上人强调对道德规范的严格遵守,指出末法众生斗争性强,损人利己行为普遍存在的现象。令我重新肯定价值信念,分辨所处环境中的是非对错,也让自己不要被这些乱七八糟的事情困扰著。

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When I graduated from school, I entered my profession with idealistic expectations. I worked alongside experienced and senior clinical psychologists whom I respected. One day, however, when I realized that my colleagues were treating my innocence and respect for others as weaknesses to exploit, I experienced a high degree of cognitive dissonance. I began to wonder whether in order to succeed in my profession, in addition to developing a specialty, I needed to learn how to exploit others’ weaknesses to benefit myself. However, I knew I could never do something like that. Fortunately, the Venerable Master emphasized the importance of following rules of ethics and morality. He also pointed out that living beings in the Dharma-ending age are highly contentious, and thus behaviors that benefit themselves at the expense of others are common. His teachings reaffirmed my original believes and allowed me to clearly distinguish between right and wrong at work, so I was no longer bothered by the fighting or the gossip.

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虽然生长在台湾,古文是台湾学生必学的课程,但是我都看不懂,考试也都用猜的。纵使接触上人之前已经学佛,打坐和念佛是会参加的,但从来没想过要读经典。因为经典都是古文,我想这辈子是不可能看得懂的。然而,阅读上人用简单的文字对经典所做的浅释,我才知道经典的世界是如此地丰富,不亚於现世的知识范畴;而且,经典所言就在生活里。我对经典起了研读的兴趣,想要进入经藏的世界游走探索一番。

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Having grown up in Taiwan, as a student, I was required to study ancient Chinese texts (i.e., written in classical Chinese). However, I never understood them very well; I even guessed on my exams for those classes. Before encountering the Venerable Master’s teachings, I was already studying the Buddhadharma. I participated in Dharma Assemblies for meditation and recitation of the Buddha’s name, but I never thought about studying the Sutras. Since the Sutras are written in classical Chinese, I thought I would never understand them in this lifetime. Fortunately, the Venerable Master used simple and easily understandable language when he explained the Sutras, so I could experience the richness of the Sutras which surpasses our worldly knowledge. I also realized that the Sutras are talking about how we think and act in our daily lives, and this understanding prompted my interest to investigate the Sutras and my wish to explore the Sutra treasury.  

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在专业工作中我看到,有些心理疾病即使长期治疗也不会好,即便给予完善的心理和环境治疗,用上最新的药也一样。面对这样的病人,不免也感到挫折和无力感。上人提到,精神疾病者多半业障重,有冤亲债主跟著,让这些人受报。人呢,也需要有福德善根才能遇到善法。基於这些观点,当我在跟病人讨论生活安排时,会比较强调和鼓励他们从事能做功德的活动,像是志工;而比较不鼓励吃喝玩乐的活动安排。

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As a clinical psychologist, I have encountered some cases of mental illnesses that no amount of treatment could cure, even after using the entire range of psychotherapy and milieu therapy, and the newest medications. When I met with these patients, I could not help them, and so I felt frustrated and powerless. The Venerable Master said that people with mental disorders often have committed serious karmic offenses. Therefore, living beings, who they have harmed or are otherwise indebted to, are following them around, seeking revenge and repayment. In addition, people need to have merits, virtues, and good roots in order to encounter wholesome Dharma. Based on these principles, when I discuss with my patients about their daily activities, I put more emphasis on and encourage them to do good deeds, such as volunteer work, that will help them to gain merits and virtues. I also discourage them from wasting time in search of pleasure. 

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又者,上人提到,同性恋是不对的。然而,在精神医学领域,同性恋已不再被视为疾病;并且我也有著同性恋族群的病人和朋友。记得曾在实法师的开示中听到∶上人面对同性恋者时,是慈悲而有智慧地从节制欲望的观点帮助他们。我也学著用以做为治疗这族群病人和与这族群朋友互动的指导原则。事实上,知识不完全是对的,很庆幸能够学习佛法和上人的教诲,用以检视每天所运用的知识。

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The Venerable Master also mentioned that homosexuality is wrong. However, in the field of psychiatry, homosexuality is no longer considered as a disorder. I also have some friends and patients who are gay. I remember in one of Dharma Master Heng Sure's lectures he said that when the Venerable Master met people who are gay, he wisely and compassionately helped them from the perspective of reducing desires. I follow this teaching as a guideline in treating patients and interacting with friends who are gay. In actuality, not all knowledge is correct. Therefore, I am very fortunate to study the Buddhadharma and the Venerable Master's teachings, and use them to examine and reflect on the worldly knowledge that I use every day. 

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过去我不懂戒律的精神,对於持守戒律的行为感到质疑。心里询问著∶遵守戒律,这样子依样画葫芦的行为,就真的能够对修行有所提升吗?然而,看到上人如此强调严持戒律,也从病人的故事中,警觉到上人这个坚持的重要。

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Before I didn’t understand the reasons for upholding the precepts, and so I had doubts about this practice. I wondered, if I uphold the precepts just because others are doing so, how could it help me in my cultivation. However, after learning the Venerable Master’s emphasis on upholding the precepts and listening to my patients’ stories, I understood the importance of upholding the precepts.

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有一个四十多岁的第一型躁郁症病人告诉我,他在年轻的时候,因为对女友的怀疑,未经求证,就把女友杀了。後来他接受司法的审判,入狱服刑。出狱後他又开始新的人生,努力工作,也建立了美好的家庭,有二个相当疼爱的小孩。但是,正当他可以享受多年来努力的成果时,他生病了。而这第一型躁郁症,属於严重型精神病,好起来的机会不高。他太太正诉请离婚,并带走二个小孩。他感到相当的痛苦。

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Let me share some of my patients’ stories with you. I had a patient around 40 years old, who was suffering from Bipolar I Disorder. He told me that when he was young, he suspected that his girlfriend was being unfaithful and, without any proof, killed her. He was sentenced to prison, and after serving his time, he began his life anew. He worked hard, started his own family, and raised two children whom he loved very much. But just when he was able to enjoy the fruit of his labor, he fell ill. He was diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder. This disorder is a form of severe psychosis, with a very slim chance of recovery. His wife filed for divorce and took their children away. The patient was suffering tremendously as a result.

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另外是第二型躁郁症的女性患者,当问她们有没有堕胎经验时,十位有七位曾经堕胎。这个病在轻躁发作时,会觉得很快乐、很愉悦,不断地想要追求各种欲望、满足并忽略痛苦的後果,像是疯狂购物而致负债、一夜情等;忧郁发作的时候,又会情绪低落、无助无望,甚至觉得活著没有价值和意义,甚或自杀。

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Another example deals with female patients with Bipolar II Disorder. When I asked them whether they had abortions in the past, it turned out that seven out of ten had. This type of Bipolar Disorder consists of two phases: the Hypomanic Episode and the Major Depressive Episode. During the Hypomanic Episode, patients experience euphoria, continuously seek to fulfill their various desires, and ignore potentially harmful results of their actions. For example, they may go on shopping sprees and end up in debt, or get involved in one-night stands. During the Major Depressive Episode, patients feel so depressed, helpless, and hopeless that they consider life is worthless or meaningless. These feelings may even lead to suicide.

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令我印象深刻的故事之一是∶有一位美丽的少妇,她有疼爱她的先生和二个可爱的小孩。当她和先生结婚後,辛苦努力了几年,终於家庭经济达到相当的水准,房子、车子、孩子都具足了。但她却第二型躁郁症发病,几次住院以来,治疗效果并不好。虽然她知道该如何好好地过生活,但是受症状的干扰,总是做不到。当问到她有无堕胎经验时,她才说∶在跟先生结婚前,他们曾经怀了一个小孩,但是碍於当时没有婚姻关系,也顾及双方家长的面子,他们没有将小孩生下,而是选择堕胎。

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The story that made the greatest impression on me is about a beautiful young woman who has a loving husband and two adorable children. After working hard for many years, the patient and her husband finally achieved a fairly high standard of living, complete with a house, cars, and children. Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder. She was hospitalized several times, but the treatments were not very effective. Although she knows how to live a normal life, she could not do so because of her illness. When I got to the question of whether she had an abortion, she told me that before she married her husband, she was pregnant with their child. However, since they were not married and were afraid of the negative effect of the premarital pregnancy on their parents’ reputation, they chose abortion over giving birth to the child.

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另一位是约莫三十多岁的忧郁症患者,她也有幸福的家庭,先生是电脑工程师,很照顾她和二个小孩。女儿才是小学生而已,但是相当贴心。每次她住院,女儿总是会透过爸爸代为传达对她的关心和想念。她出院回家,女儿也会陪伴她、鼓励她,表现乖巧的行为让她高兴。但是她的忧郁症一再复发,还有重覆的自我伤害行为,每当她情绪低落或者感到痛苦的时候,她就撞墙或者割伤自己,用身体的疼痛释放心理的痛苦,严重的时候几乎每天都这麽做。问起来,她也曾经堕过胎,虽然我不知道她的病源是否来自堕胎,但是她的病情的确令人感慨。

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Another example is about a patient who is around 30 years old, and she suffered from recurrent Major Depressive Disorder. She also has a nice family. Her husband is a computer engineer who takes good care of her and their two children. Her daughter is only an elementary school student, but she is very considerate. Every time the patient is hospitalized, her daughter sends words through her husband, telling her how much she is loved and missed. After she returns home, her daughter keeps her company, encourages her, and pleases her by behaving very well. However, when symptoms of her depression recur, she repeatedly hurts herself. Whenever she feels really depressed or anguished, she throws herself against a wall or cuts herself. She tries to release her psychological pain by her physical pain. During the periods of mood-irregular exacerbation, she behaves like this almost every day. When asked, she told me that she had an abortion. Although I don’t know whether her ailment stemmed from her abortion, her condition is really sad.

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听了这些故事,心里回荡著上人对戒律的强调。想著人如果能够持守戒律,这些杀生的事就不会发生,当然也不用经历受果报的痛苦。於是乎做了决定──学习和持守戒律,而今年有幸能够在万佛圣城受在家菩萨戒。

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After listening to these stories, I realized why the Venerable Master emphasized the importance of upholding the precepts. If people could uphold the precepts, those killings would not have taken place, and they would not have to endure the suffering of their retribution. Therefore, I resolved to learn and uphold the precepts. This year I am fortunate enough to receive the Lay Bodhisattva Precepts at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas.

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虽然我没有见过上人,然而,上人的教诲却不断地指引著我生命的正确方向。我相信上人所说的一切,也学著点点滴滴去实践上人的教导。

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Although I have never met the Venerable Master, his teachings continuously guide me toward the correct path in life. I believe in all of the Venerable Master’s instructions, and bit by bit I try to put his teachings into practice.

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