正文
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, none of us would have done it!!!!
POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizationalskills and be willing to work variable hours, which will includeevenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Someovernight travel required, including trips to primitive camping siteson rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able togo from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, thescreams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as smallgadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product!
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, withoutcomplaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so thatthose in your charge can ultimately surpass you!
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumptionthat college will help them become financially independent. When youdie, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuitionreimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; thisjob supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugsfor life if you play your cards right.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention ofarriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather toskid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, bodythoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
"WOO HOO what a ride!""
POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizationalskills and be willing to work variable hours, which will includeevenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Someovernight travel required, including trips to primitive camping siteson rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able togo from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, thescreams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as smallgadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product!
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, withoutcomplaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so thatthose in your charge can ultimately surpass you!
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumptionthat college will help them become financially independent. When youdie, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuitionreimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; thisjob supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugsfor life if you play your cards right.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention ofarriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather toskid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, bodythoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
"WOO HOO what a ride!""
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