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College Essay系列(七):顶级文书の疫情时代

(2021-11-07 08:57:11) 下一个

顶级文书の疫情时代

咱先不说话,好好来欣赏一篇最近在Tiktok上疯传、一周内感动两千万人、好评数百万的顶级哈佛文书。

2021年:The Letter “S” Essay

Abigail Mack

Harvard/Yale/Princeton...

I hate the letter “S”. Of the 164,777 words with “S,” I only grapple with one. To condemn an entire letter because of its use .0006 percent of the time sounds statistically absurd, but that one case changed 100 percent of my life. I used to have two parents, but now I have one, and the “S” in 'parents' isn't going anywhere.

"S” follows me. I can't get through a day without being reminded that while my friends went out to dinner with their parents, I ate with my parent. As I write this essay, there is a blue line under the word 'parent' telling me to check my grammar; even Grammarly assumes that I should have parents, but cancer doesn't listen to edit suggestions. I won't claim that my situation is as unique as one in 164,777, but it is still an exception to the rule — an outlier. The world isn't meant for this special case.

The world wouldn’t abandon “S” because of me, so I tried to abandon “S.” I could get away from “S” if I stayed busy: you can’t have dinner with your “parent” (thanks again Grammarly) if you are too busy to have family dinner. Any spare time that I had, I filled. I became known as the “busy kid,” the one that everyone always asks “how do you have time?” Morning meetings, classes, afternoon meetings, volleyball practice, dance class, rehearsal in Boston, homework, sleep, repeat.

Though my specific schedule has changed over time, the business has not. I couldn’t fill the loss that the “S” left in my life, but I could at least make sure I didn’t have to think about it. There were so many things in my life. I couldn’t control, so I controlled what I could. My schedule. I never succumbed to the stress of overcommitting. I thrived.

It became a challenge to juggle it all, but I’d soon find a rhythm. But rhythm, wasn’t what I wanted. Rhythm may not have an “S,” but “S” sure liked to come by when I was idle. So, I added another ball, and another, and another. Soon I noticed the same “color” balls kept falling into my hands – theatre, academics, politics. I wanted to come into contact with these more and more, so I further narrowed the scope of my color wheel and increased the range of shades of my primary colors.

Life became easier to juggle, but, for the first time, I didn’t add another ball. I found my rhythm and I embraced it. I stopped running away from a single “S” and began chasing a double “S”—paSSion. Passion has given me purpose. I was shackled to “S” as I tried to escape the confines of the traditional familial structure. No matter how far I ran, “S” stayed behind me because I kept looking back. I’ve finally learnt to move forward instead of away, and it’s liberating.

"S” got me moving, but it hasn't kept me going. I wish I could end here, triumphant and basking in my new inspiration, but life is more convoluted. Motivation is double edged sword: it keeps me moving forward, but it also keeps me from having to look back. I want to claim that I showed courage in being able to turn from “S,” but I can’t.

Motivation is what keeps “S” at bay. I am not perfectly healed, but I am perfect at navigating the best way to heal me. I don’t seek out sadness. So “S” must stay on the sidelines, and until I am completely ready, motivation is more than enough for me.

谁是Abigail Mack

Brockton, MA。波士顿往南三十英里。这里曾走出过世界上第一个圣诞老人。Abigail就是麻省Brockton市立高中BHS的2021级毕业生。2020年给所有人带来Pandemic,也给Abigail带来失母之痛,让她从此不再拥有"Parents"的复数形式。为了让自己从悲伤中走出,Abigail每天早早到校找老师答疑,还给给自己的课余时间安排了更多歌唱排练、长跑和排球训练等活动。

当发现自己的时间里还会不时被悲伤渗透的时候,她开始投入到当地的政治活动中,成了民主党进步派参议员Ed Markey的选团成员。2020是大选年,这一年不仅白宫易手,另有33席参院席位改选,Abigail支持的Markey,正是其中之一。Markey在2013年接替John Kerry的麻省参议院席位,且是美国国会著名的Green New Deal的Author之一。另一个是AOC。

   

从此,选战里的各种早、晚会充满了Abigail的日常,让她不仅淡出失亲的悲伤,更渐渐发现到自己的Passion。环境保护、社会公正、良性政治等等当年的流量词,充满了Abigail的业余时间。麻省是左派大本营,Marlkey参议员当然胜出,Abigail的热情当然也收到应有的回报。

Abigail上传了这篇文书后,网友们都惊呆了。

-有人说,我毫无怀疑哈佛必须录取你。

-有人说,你的父母亲肯定都在为你骄傲。

-还有人说,这故事我也有啊,可我怎么没写出这样的文书。

-更多的人会说,现在我懂了,哈佛的要求是真的高啊!

 

哈佛必录の文书彡要素

Abigail的哈佛录取,可不是我们想想的那种模式。她在12月31日投出RD之后和大家一样在等待。但在3月5日,即Ivy Day之前的三周时(当时Ivy Day尚未宣布推迟),哈佛给她发来一封Likely Letter。任何人在这样的时间,突然在自己的哈佛申请账户里收到一封信,那她或他就一定是被录取了。

Abigail很显然属于哈佛最想要录取的一类申请者。我们都知道,他们必然在领导力、利他主义(包括环保)、创造性、社会公平等方面有着突出表现。但这不是我们的重点。我们今天的重点,是Abigail这篇文书的突出特点,也就是本世纪20年代哈佛必录文书的三个文字要素。这些可不是 Be Yourself 一类的废话。

  1. Trend H values

什么是哈佛当前的values?我们在三月的文书讲座里主要讲过,大家不妨再去看看哈佛招生网站,或者读读我们文书讲座的有关文字。这篇“S” Essay的价值在Passion一词。你做什么,只要有Passion,就是大H想要的那个版本的你自己。在文书所表达的核心价值上,Passion即道也。

  1. Punch your lines

Punch lines就是要写出具有吸引力的文字。这常常是短句子(但并不排除长句子),或高浸润性的metaphor。比如,"I hate the letter 'S'"和"'S' follows me"。当你的文字在AO面前具有很强烈、很清晰的求同性,它就会被自动理解为AO想要的Character。此,即道生一。

  1. Present contrasts

对比是个很好文字表现工具。比如这篇,几乎每段话都以一句强烈对比色彩的信息开头。比如, "'S' got me moving, but it hasn't kept me going"。人类的认知系统,对于强烈对比性事物的兴趣是与生俱来的。此,即一生二。

当然还有二生三,以及三生万物。

但这些不是本篇要讲的重点。现在,请读者再仔细研读前面那五篇顶级文书吧。

顶级好文书の怪咖芝大2018

顶级文书の大满贯2018

顶级文书2017匹萨文

顶级文书2016Costco文

顶级文书の1990传奇3A文

 

读到这里,你是不是觉得这个楼可以封顶了。

No。 No。 No。

写到这里就封顶的,那只能算个合格的Essay Counselor而已。而大部分的Essay Counselor连这个水平都不到。

接下来,我还能带你走进各校招升官的潜意识中,体会他们为各自工作所设计的目标。而他们大多数,都不会很清楚地定义这些潜意识目标。

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阅读 ()评论 (2)
评论
AlexisMom 回复 悄悄话 刚刚发现你的博客,你写的真好,看得出你非常玲珑剔透的一个人
清漪园 回复 悄悄话 您的这个系列真有意思,谢谢分享!我没觉得这篇文章有啥特别好,有一种卖惨的感觉,不咋舒服。
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