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(2019-04-11 14:28:35) 下一个


The #1 Enemy to Kill If We Want Growth and Success -021. 

Hey, it’s Dr. Liu here again. When we do not live a life we want, there may be many things hold us back, preventing us from growing and succeeding. People may blame many things. They may say, I am not smart enough. Or I do not have the opportunity. Or I do not have the right connections. But if you really think it over, you will find, all these are not the #1 reason that holds most people back. The #1 reason that holds most people back is this one thing. And that is, ego. You may not agree, but ego comes in many disguises. In this video, I will show you the 4 types of ego that we want to kill if we really want to keep growing, and be successful.

Number one, the fearful ego. What hold many people back is the fear of failure, fear of making mistakes, fear of getting out of the comfort zone. The fearful ego says, I do not want to look stupid. If I do this, what others will think of me? What if I failed? What will happen to me? But actually, in many cases, the fearful ego is just a made up story in our mind that prevents us from trying new things. The fearful ego cares about the chance of losing face much more than the chance of success.

Number two, the excuse ego. The excuse ego says, it is not my fault. It is my family. It is my coworker. It is the government. Or, it is not a fair system. There is always something else to blame. But the truth is, we can either get things done, or make excuses. We can not do both. We use excuse to justify why we can’t do something, to justify our failures. That only helps to protect our ego, but it will kill our motivation.

Number three, the know-it-all ego. The know-it-all ego says, I need to show I am smart and knowledgeable. I don’t need to listen to others. The result is, we are always in our own world, keep doing the same thing again and again. How can we expect a different outcome?

Number four, the do-it-myself ego. The do-it-myself ego says, if I want something done, I always need to do it myself. Other people will never do it as good as myself. Sometimes this ego also disguise as a judgmental or jealous ego. The ego trusts nobody but themselves. But we need to keep in mind, nothing great can be accomplished by just one person. We need team work. And we do not want to be a control freak.

So, these are the 4 types of ego that holds most people back. In summary, the fearful ego prevents us from trying new things. The excuse ego prevents us from persevering. The know-it-all ego prevents us from learning. And the do-it-myself ego prevents us from cooperating. On the left side, killing the fearful ego and the excuse ego can help us be stronger and willing to take responsibilities. On the right side, killing the know-it-all ego and the do-it-myself ego can make us humble and never stop growing. All these egos are inter-related and they are actually the same ego comes in many different disguises. It is the number one enemy we want to kill if we want to be truly confident, to keep growing, and be successful.

Why? First of all, ego is fake. All ego does is to make a fake image of ourselves just to make us feel better. A person with strong ego can never win real trust from other people. On the contrary, a person who has fight off their ego usually has a nature charisma from their internal security. And they usually able to make instant connections with people around them. And here is a quote I like, "I would rather people hate me for who I am than love me for who I am not."

Second, ego is poisonous. In Buddhism, there are five poisonous mindsets, which are tan chen chi man yi. All these five poisonous mindsets can be traced back to the ego we have. Ego is the source of all the poisonous emotions. With a strong ego, we will not be able to focus on the real problems in our life.

However, ego provides a method for us to understand people. As can be seen here, people can simply  be defined by two circles, one circle of ego, and one circle of competence. When our ego is too big, especially when it is bigger than our circle of competence, our feelings will often be hurt. We may often need to seek validation from others to protect our ego, and to make a sense of presence. The makes a insecure personality. On the contrary, when we have fight off our ego, our ego is small and well protected by our circle of competence. We do not need to seek validation from others to make a sense of presence. And we have a lot of freedom to do things that is really benefit us but not just the ego, within the circle of our competence.

Therefore, when we are dealing with other people, we need to understand their ego. For ourselves, we want to fight off our own ego, control our emotions, and focus on doing things that is really benefit us but not just our ego, but for other people, we may have to take care of their ego. In reality, taking care of other people’s ego is often more important than taking care of their real benefit. Be water, and act like water, as said by both Laozi and Bruce Li.

Thanks for watching, I am Dr. Liu with both research and life tips for the underdogs. Please comment below if you recognize any of these egos. Until next time, let’s keep fighting off these egos for a better life.

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