Publication Date: January 11, 2015
If they're honest, anyone who's been married more than a month has to admit to having wondered: "Did I marry the wrong person?" Maybe he's not helping around the house enough. Or she's not into sex as much as you'd like. "They say love is blind," laughs Tim Lucas, "but marriage opens your eyes. According to the Bible, none of us are compatible!" With his trademark humor, honesty and insight, Tim reveals how our culture's quest for the "perfect partner" misses the point of marriage. Discover how admitting "You Married the Wrong Person!" can liberate your relationship & allow God to fill the gap between expectation & reality.
YOU MARRIED THE WRONG PERSON
Dedicated to my wife Colleen.
I see Jesus more clearly because of you.
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield
As a pastor, I’ve officiated dozens of weddings. On the Big Day, I’ve noticed the bride can typically only focus on three things:
The Aisle, where the bride makes her grand entrance.
The Altar, where she stands before God surrounded by family and friends.
And Him, the man to whom she is about to devote her life.
The Aisle . . . the Altar . . . and Him. Aisle. Altar. Him. And somehow from that moment on, the bride assumes this is her life’s mission: I’ll Alter Him!
Let’s be honest, we all have something we’d like to change about our partner. Maybe she’s too talkative. Or he’s too touchy. When my wife Colleen and I first began dating, we looked at couples in restaurants and tried to guess whether or not they were married. Guys on a first date inevitably leaned across the table, tenderly held hands, and stared romantically into the girl’s eyes. “See the way he looks at her,” Colleen whispered enviously. Then she’d nod toward a middle-aged couple sitting in silence at their table, looking bored and distracted. The woman was busy on her phone, the man sat with arms crossed watching football highlights on the TV above the bar.
“I bet they’re married,” she said sadly. “Do you think that will ever happen to us?”
“Touchdown!” I screamed at the big screen on the wall. Colleen frowned.
I quickly pulled my eyes back to my beloved. “I’m sorry, what’d you say?”
Somewhere in the distance a rooster crowed.
I talk with a lot of twenty and thirty-somethings disillusioned by their chances of finding a partner who can fulfill their hopes for a dynamic, lifelong relationship. Many witnessed their own parents’ painful break-ups and are desperate not to repeat the same mistakes. Others are miles into their marriage journey and quietly wondering, “Did I marry the wrong person?”
Whether you’re single and searching for “the perfect match,” or married and wondering “Is this as good as it gets?” at some point we all realize there’s a gap between what we expect in a relationship and the reality we experience.
This book is about closing that gap. I’ve written it for four types of people:
1) Single Friends
Maybe you’re single and feel frustrated by your quest for the “perfect” partner. Good news: I believe compatibility is wildly overrated. I hope to challenge conventional wisdom about what makes for a good match and give you fresh eyes in your search for a spouse.
2) Engaged Couples
This is the book I wish I read before I was married. Most engaged couples invest all their time and energy planning for their Big Day, but don’t give much thought to the day after the wedding. I hope it will spark some dialogue with your partner—and possibly a mentor couple, pastor, or counselor—about what’s involved in planning a healthy marriage, not just a splashy wedding.
3) Married Folks
I talk to a lot of young couples who live in survival mode. Many have a couple of kids and they’re doing all they can to juggle jobs, day care, school or sports. Apart from the periodic “date night,” the romance has cooled, and the pressures of family life replace passion.
Once attraction fades, it doesn’t take long for couples to notice cracks in their foundation. But it’s not beyond repair. God’s Word offers fresh hope to couples that don’t see eye-to-eye on every issue.
4) Those Considering Divorce
Perhaps you’re on the brink of a break-up, and you’ve decided to give it one last chance. You’ve read dozens of books about conflict and communication with titles like 7 Steps to Rekindle Romance, but you must decide whether or not to throw in the towel.
I’ve been praying for you. As a follower of Jesus Christ, I believe if God can raise His Son from the dead, He also has the power to resurrect a dead marriage. I truly believe this. If you don’t have enough faith for your marriage at this point, borrow mine.
If you’re already divorced, I pray God will use this book to help heal your heart and fill you with renewed hope for a fresh start.
And if you’re not yet married, and waiting on God for a spouse, I hope what you discover in these pages will equip you to love someone else the way God loves you.
I realize there are thousands of books about dating, marriage, and modern relationships—many of them longer than this slim volume you hold in your hand. But we designed this book to be read in a single sitting . . . and powerful enough to change your life.
So let’s begin. And let’s get real.