跟大家分享： 【Seek First to Understand, Then to be understood】

 

看到今晚大家为了空空妹妹的博文争得沸沸洋洋， 额心里不停地重复这句话， 拿来跟大家分享： Listen first，talk second. The order does matter. 这同样也是俺看下面这本书是体会到的， 真心地用心地去听。。。去理解别人的经历和故事。 其实当事人在述说这些故事的同时也在理顺自己的思路， 寻求问题的答案。 其实作为听众根本没有必要做过多评判， 因为听众毕竟不是当事人。 —————————————————————————————————————— <<The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People >> By Stephen R Covey Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

Communication is the most important skill in life. You spend years learning how to read and write, and years learning how to speak. But what about listening? What training have you had that enables you to listen so you really, deeply understand another human being? Probably none, right? If you're like most people, you probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point across. And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you're listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. You check what you hear against your autobiography and see how it measures up. And consequently, you decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating. Do any of the following sound familiar? "Oh, I know just how you feel. I felt the same way." "I had that same thing happen to me." "Let me tell you what I did in a similar situation." Because you so often listen autobiographically, you tend to respond in one of four ways: Evaluating: You judge and then either agree or disagree. Probing: You ask questions from your own frame of reference. Advising: You give counsel, advice, and solutions to problems. Interpreting: You analyze others' motives and behaviors based on your own experiences. You might be saying, "Hey, now wait a minute. I'm just trying to relate to the person by drawing on my own experiences. Is that so bad?" In some situations, autobiographical responses may be appropriate, such as when another person specifically asks for help from your point of view or when there is already a very high level of trust in the relationship.