A husband and wife, both 91, stood before a judge, asking for a divorce. "I don't understand," He said, "Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?" The husband explained "Well, you see, we wanted to wait until the children died."
A friend was trying to encourage his elderly mother to enjoy the money, she had accumulated through frugal living. "Mother," he said, "you have enough money to last you until you're a hundred."
"And then what'll I do?" she replied.
The patient is adamant. "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . ." "What makes you think you need all these?" Well, replied the patient, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized."
My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy.
One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator.
Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."
5 真扫兴/The thrill is gone
About two weeks before our fifth anniversary, my husband asked me what I would like for a gift. I told him I wanted something impractical and romantic.
On our anniversary, he presented me with a lovely gold bracelet. "A little four-letter word made me get this for you," he said softly.
"Oh, how sweet," I whispered. "L-O-V-E?"
"No," he replied. "S-A-L-E."
6 陪审团主席/The Foreman's Position
A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 p. m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury.
The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited.
After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well, have they got a verdict yet?"
The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? Hell, they're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"