1 一语双关/Double meaning
Racehorse owner Bradley had all his horses’ names begin with the letter B, including one called Bad News. When someone asked why he gave the horse a name with such a negative connotation, Bradley explained, "Bad News travels fast. "
When I came home from the State University of New York at Stony Brook sporting a fashionable, super-short haircut, my father teased me all the way to dinner at a local diner. " You look like a boy, " he said. " I sent a daughter away to school and I got back a son. "
By the time we were seated, dad had let up. Then the waitress appeared. "Hi," she said sweetly. "What may I get for you gentlemen this evening?"
3 遭白眼儿/Got a black eye
On a family vacation in Texas, my brother-in-law Mike exhibited the exuberance of a tourist. At a diner he and his brothers ordered cheeseburgers. When his meal arrived, the first thing Mike noticed was its size.
"Wow, "he exclaimed, "everything is bigger in Texas! "
As he lifted the burger to his lips, his eyes met the cold stare of a 300-pound waitress.
4 病人和他的大夫/Patient and his doctor
A woman complained that her husband constantly hung around the house, doing or saying nothing. To please her, he went to see a psychiatrist. “Just lie down on the couch and we'll talk. "the doctor told him. "If you think of something to say, fine. If not, maybe next time.”
The guy got himself comfortable and fell fast asleep. At the end of the hour, the doctor woke him up and said, "That will be all for today—$100，please. "The patient paid and left.
The man came back every Tuesday and Thursday after that. Each time, he fell asleep without saying a word, but paid the fee. The third week, the patient came in, sat down and then jumped right up again. "Aha,"， marveled the doctor. "Have you thought of something to say?"
"Yes, do you need a partner?"
5 沙丁鱼的抱怨/Sardines' complaint
Two sardines were swimming in New York harbor when one suggested they go up to the Bronx for the weekend. "I'd rather not, " the other objected. "It's such a long swim."
"How about taking the subway?” his companion asked.
"No way!" replied the second sardine." And be packed in there like people?"
两条沙丁鱼在纽约港游水，其中的一条建议到布朗克斯去度周末。“我宁愿不去 ”另一条沙丁鱼反对说: “要游的距离太长了。”
“没门，”第二条沙丁鱼说: “难道要像人类那样挤在地铁里吗? ”
First woman: "Working full time and trying to do the housework really gets to me. After work yesterday I came home and washed the clothes and the dishes. Tomorrow I have to wash the kitchen floor and the front windows..."
Second woman: "What about your husband?"
First woman: "Absolutely not! He can wash himself.”