南山松

1  一语双关/Double meaning

Racehorse owner Bradley had all his horses’ names begin with the letter B, including one called Bad News. When someone asked why he gave the horse a name with such a negative connotation, Bradley explained, "Bad News travels fast. "

养赛马的布拉德利的所有的马的名字都以字母B开头，其中一匹马取名为“坏消息”。当有人问他为什么给马取这么个贬义的名字时，他解释说:“坏事传千里.”

2 误会/Mistaken

When I came home from the State University of New York at Stony Brook sporting a fashionable, super-short haircut, my father teased me all the way to dinner at a local diner. " You look like a boy, " he said. " I sent a daughter away to school and I got back a son. "

By the time we were seated, dad had let up. Then the waitress appeared. "Hi," she said sweetly. "What may I get for you gentlemen this evening?"

我从美国纽约州立大学石溪分校回家时剪的是一种时髦的超级短头。我父亲在带我去附近餐馆的路上就一直逗我。“你看起来像个男孩，” 他说，“我送一个女儿去上学，却回来了一个儿子。”

当我们就座后，爸爸倒是不说了。女服务员走了过来，“嘿，”她甜甜地打了个招呼:“今晚想吃点儿什么，两位绅士?”

3 遭白眼儿/Got a black eye

On a family vacation in Texas, my brother-in-law Mike exhibited the exuberance of a tourist. At a diner he and his brothers ordered cheeseburgers. When his meal arrived, the first thing Mike noticed was its size.

"Wow, "he exclaimed, "everything is bigger in Texas! "

As he lifted the burger to his lips, his eyes met the cold stare of a 300-pound waitress.

我们全家到德克萨斯去度假时，我姐夫迈克展示了一个旅游者的活力。晚餐时他和他的兄弟要了奶酪汉堡。当他的饭被端上来后，迈克注意到的第一件事就是汉堡包的大小。

“哇，”他惊呼:“德克萨斯的每样东西都比其他地方的大。”

就在他拿起汉堡要吃的时候，他注意到了一个有三百镑重的女服务员的冰冷的目光。

4 病人和他的大夫/Patient and his doctor

A woman complained that her husband constantly hung around the house, doing or saying nothing. To please her, he went to see a psychiatrist. “Just lie down on the couch and we'll talk. "the doctor told him. "If you think of something to say, fine. If not, maybe next time.”

The guy got himself comfortable and fell fast asleep. At the end of the hour, the doctor woke him up and said, "That will be all for today—$100，please. "The patient paid and left.

The man came back every Tuesday and Thursday after that. Each time, he fell asleep without saying a word, but paid the fee. The third week, the patient came in, sat down and then jumped right up again. "Aha,"， marveled the doctor. "Have you thought of something to say?"

"Yes, do you need a partner?"

一位妇女抱怨其丈夫总是在家里转来转去，无所事是。为了让妻子高兴，他去看了心理医生。“你就躺在沙发上，我们来谈谈。”心理医生告诉他:“如果你想起什么要说，那很好。如果没有的话，下次再讲也行。”

这位男士舒适地躺在沙发上，很快就入睡了。到了一小时，大夫唤醒了他说: “今天就到这儿吧，请交100元。”病人付了钱之后就走了。

从此，那个人每周二、四来就诊。每次，他一句话不说就睡觉，而且每次都付钱。第三周，病人来了，他后坐下后又立刻跳了起来。

“啊哈！”大夫惊喜道，“你想出要说的话了吗?”

“是的，你需要一个搭档吗?”

5 沙丁鱼的抱怨/Sardines' complaint

Two sardines were swimming in New York harbor when one suggested they go up to the Bronx for the weekend. "I'd rather not, " the other objected. "It's such a long swim."

"How about taking the subway?” his companion asked.

"No way!" replied the second sardine." And be packed in there like people?"

两条沙丁鱼在纽约港游水，其中的一条建议到布朗克斯去度周末。“我宁愿不去 ”另一条沙丁鱼反对说: “要游的距离太长了。”

“那么坐地铁怎么样? ”他的同伴问。

“没门，”第二条沙丁鱼说: “难道要像人类那样挤在地铁里吗? ”

6 谈话/Chatting

First woman: "Working full time and trying to do the housework really gets to me. After work yesterday I came home and washed the clothes and the dishes. Tomorrow I have to wash the kitchen floor and the front windows..."

Second woman: "What about your husband?"

First woman: "Absolutely not! He can wash himself.”

第一个妇女:“工作一整天后还要做家务，可真够我受的。昨天下班后我回到家洗了衣服和碗。明天我还要洗厨房的地板和前面的窗户……”

第二个妇女:“那你丈夫呢?”

第一个妇女:“他绝对不用我洗，他自己会洗。”