南山松

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周末一笑: 饥饿的狗 (转载)

(2016-04-08 16:00:57) 下一个

1 饥饿的狗/Hungry Dogs

At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that a test for a canine’s disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner’s face or show concern.

Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor.

The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other and raced to the coffee table for my pizza.

在一个有关狗的性情的学习班上，教师指出，犬的性格的一个测试是狗的主人摔倒并表现出受伤。气质差的狗会试图咬人，而一个好的狗会舔主人的脸并表现出关心。

一次在客厅吃比萨饼时，我决定在我的两条狗上试验一下这个理论。我站了起来，抓住我的心脏，发出一声尖叫并倒在地上。

狗望着我，互相看了一眼，竞相奔向茶几上的比萨饼。

2 狗的声音/Dog Sounds

I always scoffed when my sister insisted that our three dogs are computer literate. Then one day when I was signing on to AOL, I noticed that when the “welcome” voice came on, the dogs immediately settled down. Later, when they heard the “good-bye” sign-off, all three dogs rushed to the door expecting to be walked.

当我的妹妹坚持认为我们的三只狗懂计算机时，我总是嗤之以鼻。然后有一天，当我登录到AOL时，我注意到，当“欢迎”的声音传来，狗立即安定下来。后来，当他们听到“再见”退出登录时，所有的三条狗冲到门口期待出门散步。

3 免下车服务/Drive Thru

The drive-up window at the bank where I’m a teller has an outside drawer to accept customer transactions. A woman once drove up with her dog in the front passenger seat, and the pet eagerly jumped over onto the driver’s lap when the car reached my window. He looked excited to see me.

“Your dog is so friendly!” I said to the owner.

“He thinks he’s at McDonald’s,” she replied.

在银行的免下车服务窗口，我是一个出纳员有一个对外的抽屉接受客户的交易。一名女子一次开车过来，她的狗坐在前排乘客座位上，当汽车到达我的窗口时，宠物急切地跃到司机的腿上。他看起来看到我很兴奋。

“你的狗很友好！”我对车主说。

“他以为他是在麦当劳，”她答道。

4 蛇的逃跑/Escape of the Snake

On a recent trip to the post office, I took a few minutes to read the notices posted on the public bulletin board in the lobby. One in particular caught my eye.

It read “Lost in post-office parking lot, small boa constrictor, family pet, will not attack. Reward.”

Below the notice someone had written, in what appeared to be very shaky handwriting: “Please, would you mind posting another notice when you find your boa? Thank you.”

最近一次去邮局时，我花了几分钟的时间阅读在大堂的公共布告栏张贴的告示。其中一个特别吸引我的目光。

上面写着“丢失在邮局的停车场，小蟒蛇，家庭宠物，不会攻击。奖励。”

告示的下面有人用看上去非常颤抖地手写着：“拜托，当你发现你的大蟒蛇时能不能再发一个通知？谢谢。”

5 疯子/Lunatic

I like hunting fossils, a hobby that isn’t exactly my wife’s favorite. On one excursion, I found the petrified bones of a squirrel-like mammal. When I brought them home and told my wife what they were, she squelched my excitement.

“I’ve heard of many a squirrel bringing a nut home,” she remarked, “but this is the first time I’ve heard of a nut bringing a squirrel home.”

我喜欢寻找化石，一个爱好却恰恰不是我妻子的爱好。在一个短途旅行中，我发现了一个松鼠般哺乳动物的石化的骨头。当我把它们带回家，告诉我的妻子他们是什么东西时，她打压我的兴奋。

“我听说过多次一只松鼠带来了坚果回家，”她说，“但是这是我第一次听说过一个疯子把松鼠带回家。”

6 闻猫/Smelling the Cat

At the end of a visit to Amsterdam, a friend borrowed an old suitcase from his hosts to carry home his souvenirs. At the airport, however, a customs officer subjected our friend’s luggage to a thorough search and even sent for a drug-sniffing dog. Sure enough, the dog entered the area, headed straight for the borrowed bag and went into a frenzy. The customs officer now intensified his search, but ultimately he found nothing.

After arriving home, the young man immediately phoned his hosts and told them how puzzled he’d been by the dog’s behavior.

“Perhaps,” the owner of the suitcase said, “it was because that’s the bag our cat usually sleeps in.”

在对阿姆斯特丹的参观结束时，一个朋友向他的东道主借了一个旧皮箱把他的纪念品带回家。然而在机场，一个海关官员对我们的朋友的行李进行了彻底搜查，甚至派出了一个缉毒犬。果然，狗进入后，直奔借来的袋子并表现发狂。海关官员也加紧他的搜索，但最终他什么也没找到。

到家后，小伙子马上就打电话给他的东道主，并告诉他们他一直对狗的行为感到困惑。

“也许，”手提箱的主人说，“那是因为这是我们的猫通常睡觉的箱子”。

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