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1 单簧管
When I played with a symphony orchestra, our union reached an agreement with a major airline about which instruments we could carry on board,and which had to be shipped as luggage. A cellist was dismayed to find that his delicate, expensive wood instrument was consigned to the rougher handling and cold temperatures of the baggage hold.
He neatly solved the problem. Cello in hand, he approached the flight attendant at the gate and asked, "May I bring my clarinet on board?” scanning her list, she replied, "Clarinet is okay. Have a good trip,” and, smiling, waved him on.
我在一个交响乐团演奏时，我们乐团与一家大航空公司达成协议，哪些乐器可以带上飞机，哪些要作为行李运送。一个大提琴手惊慌地发现他那精致、昂贵的木质乐器竟要托运，经受行李舱的低温以及野蛮的装卸。
他干净利索地解决了这个问题。他手里拿着大提琴，走到门口的空中小姐面前，问道:“我可以将我的单簧管带上飞机吗?”她检视了一下单子，答道:“单簧管可以。祝你旅途愉快。”然后微笑着挥手让他进去了。
2 提醒信
In the veterinary office where I’m a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days. "Oh yes, in fact that’s why we’re here,” she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminder.
"We did,” she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card.”
我是一家兽医站的技师。当动物到了该注射疫苗的时候，我们就寄出提醒信。一条德国牧羊犬布鲁诺来做每年一次的狂犬疫苗注射。依照州立法律的要求，我们问他的主人，在过去的十天里布鲁诺是否咬了什么人。“噢，是的，实际上这也是我们到这里来的原因。”她回答说。我觉得奇怪，告诉她我们以为他们是因为收到了提醒信才来的。
“的确如此，”她解释说。“布鲁诺咬了你们送提醒信的邮递员。”
3 两元钱
Jim walked into a store, which had a sign outside: "Secondhand clothes bought and sold.” He was carrying an old pair of pants and asked the owner of the store, "How much will you give me for these?" The man looked at them and then said rude1y，"Two dollars.”
"What!” said Jim, "I had guessed they were worth at least five?”
"No,” said the man, "they aren't worth a penny more than two dollars.”
"Are you sure?" asked Jim.
"Very sure,” said the man.
"Well,” said Jim, taking two dollars out of his pocket, "here’s your money. These pants were hanging outside your store with a price tag that said$ 6.50, but I thought that was too much money, so I wanted to make sure how much they were really worth.” Then he walked out of the store with the pair of pants and disappeared before the surprised storeowner could think of anything to say.
吉姆走进一家挂着“旧衣服买卖”招牌的店铺。他手上拿着一条旧裤子，问店主:“这条裤子你给多少钱?”店主看了他一眼，粗鲁地说:“两块钱!”
吉姆说:“什么?我认为至少值五块钱呢!”
店主又说:“不!就是两块钱，绝不会多一分钱。”
吉姆说:“你那么肯定?”
店主说:“当然了!”
吉姆一面从口袋拿出两块钱，一面说:“好! 给你钱，这条裤子本来是挂在贵店外面的，标价是六块五。但我认为太贵了，所以我想确定一下，它究竟值多少钱。”说完，趁着这位惊讶不已的主人能想出任何回答之前，他就带着那条裤子走出店门而不见人影了。
4 很高兴认识你
During World War Two, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphrey at a dance. He said to her, "I' m going abroad tomorrow, but I'd be very happy if we could write to each other.” Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I've come to visit Captain Humphrey.”
Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
“Oh, that’s all right,” answered Joan." I'm his sister.”
"I’m very pleased to meet you,” the matron said, "I' m his mother!”
第二次世界大战期间，英国的许多青年妇女在军中服役。琼·菲利普斯就是其中的一个。她在一个大军营里工作，自然结识了许多男人，既有军官，又有士兵。
一天晚上，她在舞会上认识了汉弗莱兹上尉。他对她说: “明天我将出国，如果我们能相互通信，我将非常高兴。”琼同意了。他们书信来往，数月不断。
后来他的来信中断了，但她收到另一位军官的来信，信中告诉她汉弗莱兹受了伤，现住在英国某陆军医院里。
琼找到那家医院，对护士长说:“我来探望汉弗莱兹上尉。”
“这里只允许亲属探望病人。”护士长说。
“哦，那好吧，”琼回答说:“我是他妹妹。”
“很高兴认识你，”护士长说:“我是他的母亲。”
5 一切正常
A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, “mom, the toast is burned.”
"You talked. You talked,” Shouted his mother. “I’m so happy! But why has it taken this long”
"Well, up till now,”said the boy, "things have been okay.”
一对年轻夫妇有个儿子，已经四岁了，还没有开口说话，他们对此深感焦虑。他们带他去找专家诊治，但医生们总觉得他没有毛病。后来有一天早上吃早餐时，那孩子突然开口了:“妈妈，面包烤焦了。”
“你说话了!你说话了!”他母亲叫了起来。“我太高兴了!但为什么花了这么长的时间呢?”
“哦，在这之前，”那男孩说，“一切都很正常。”
6 理论与实践的区别
A guy was walking along the street one night, when he came upon a man a theoretical physiciston his hands and knees under a streetlight, searching the street. The fellow asked him what he was looking for, and the theoretician replied, "I' m looking for my car keys.” Being a helpful sort, the fellow started searching, too. After a time he asked, "Are you sure you lost them here?"
"Of course not,” replied the theoretician. "But at least there's light here.”
一天晚上，一个小伙子在街上漫步时遇到了一个理论物理学家。只见他正爬在路灯下，像是在寻找什么东西。小伙子问他在找什么。那个理论家回答:“我在找我的车钥匙。”出于好心，小伙子也开始帮着他找钥匙。过了一会儿，小伙子问:“你确定钥匙丢在这里了吗?”
“当然不是了，”理论家答道，“但是至少这儿有光亮。”
能博家MM一笑,非常高兴:)
嗯,阿凡提的聪明,有缘人的相聚:)
问好石美眉!
谢谢fengdaming点评,我是绿的:)
fengdaming,周末快乐!
哈哈,小婷好!那本书一定会很厚滴~
小婷,周末快乐!
原来他们还这么有脾气~
才哥,周末快乐!
雪花好!周末快乐!
哈哈,还有哪个是粉粉干的,你们找全了吗~~~
特高兴,唤唤,周末快乐!
点点好!是啊,真是象牙塔里的物理学家.我也觉得大提琴和单簧管差的很远啊~你儿子将来厉害,不是说"贵人语迟"嘛:)
点点,周末快乐!
尼斯好!有句俗语说:"贵人语迟."你儿子是贵人啊:)
尼斯,周末快乐!
小小好!觉得你看问题透彻:)
小小,周末快乐!
美眉好! 我也觉得这几个非常好笑:)
美眉,周末快乐!
松松周末愉快！
谢谢松松分享，周末快乐！